Constance Harding @lemonfool
I enjoy bell-ringing, baking and showing the housekeeper the patches of dust she’s missed underneath the sofa. http://t.co/JyTW91HLPU Joined February 2013-
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I love and respect my husband, yet the noise he makes when he clacks a spoon against his teeth makes me want to inflict a Chinese wrist burn
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I realise her politics were not to everyone's taste, but she did not suffer fools or anything short of an immaculate blow dry
I have decided to treat the passing away of a certain Lady with suitable iron-clad stoicism, after just 32 hours weeping in a dark room
My neighbour Tanya just called round on her way to town for a "Brazilian". I told her not to drink cocktails if she was driving
In general I am a calm person, though nothing brings me closer to simmering, atavistic, homicidal rage like a sign saying "strawberry's"
Wish I could persuade Jeffrey to cease re-enacting the Oxford v Cambridge Boat Race in the bath tub, and grill me another hot cross bun
Things I found in the sofa today: 50p piece, Parrot World book mark, hair grip, a currant biscuit (at least, I hope those are currants)
@jamesblvd You are too kind. I raise a schooner of sherry in your direction.
Ensure your children love you more than the nanny. Achieve this through kindness and fright mask of nanny's face with Donald Trump's hair
Nothing gets rid of stretch marks entirely. Accept them as testament to miracle of new life; or try rolling in lard bit.ly/14w9LKm
Parenting tips galore! RT @penguinusa Constance Harding's Advice for the Duchess of Cambridge: bit.ly/14w9LKm
Triumph! A perfect soft-boiled egg. The day is mine.
@DoloresDoolittl I have glared in the general direction of the Internet, and hope that matters will be quickly resolved.
Jeffrey says the penguin looks more like a crow, but he is just jealous. Only 2 downloads for A Lawyer's Lament, his self published E Book
I am celebrating my @penguinusa publication day by icing a cake with a penguin waving the Stars and Stripes, and drinking sherry
@luefkens Thank you. You look like a very respectable young man. May I introduce you to my daughter, Sophie?
Dear @RachelSJohnson Will it also tell me how many minutes it is permissible to spend raising one eyebrow while looking in a hand mirror?
@PamelaDormanBks Thank you. That "blog" took me forty five minutes and 27 cups of Earl Grey to produce.
Tally Ho! I am on the @penguinusa Web Site: RT A Day in the Life of Constance Harding: bit.ly/11DCX1m
Dear @MrPeterAndre What does ":))" mean? Is it Morse code?
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