Management Speak @managerspeak
Giving 110%, proactively and passionately. At the end of the day low hanging fruit is in my DNA going forward. Manager at Doldrum Windfarms Plc. Who / whom. Hyperlocal & Global 24/7/365 Joined September 2011-
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The CEO is flying in by private jet to discuss the recyclable paper cup initiative.
You need to report to HR to explain your telepathy brain chip implant's output.
Please provide your bank details, a letterhead, your fax number, your Ceefax handle, your company wax seal, and a copy of your record in the Domesday Book, transcribed in gold leaf by a verified monk.
Your annual review will be performed in front of a panel of judges. It's the way of the world.
No, I haven't actually done anything. I'm a motivational speaker.
I hope that you have your KPIs aligned with your strategic objectives today. We don't want a repeat of yesterday.
I love the narrative, you've really made it your own. Good luck in the next stage of your career. Exit left. #Reality_Show
I would like to address the concerns that you have raised about micro-management. Please take a seat. No, not that one, the other one.
The gravy train is the only train that is still running.
The video call that should have been a meeting could have been an email.
Our speaker is a leading life coach. He has asked for prepayment because he can't afford his bus ticket otherwise.
Say what?
There are no mistakes.
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@managerspeak It also accelerates the maximisation of renumeration for passengers!
And then they call it UX: user experience…
So good. Lo que siento del mundo de hoy en un dibujo #DigitalMiopia
@managerspeak @davidgerard Where’s the lie though? Should maintain an option for those that inexplicably feel that getting in a car, driving through the city, finding a carpark, getting cash from an ATM, waiting in a queue, dealing with a teller, then reversing the travel steps to be easier though.
This was replaced by the pithy "our website has the details" for ANY query you asked - my experience in some places & these service reps making a great case for automation as an AI bot could easily do the job they were (not) doing
Misleading. There's no one at the desk anymore.
It included the word "guardrails" which I have never uttered in my entire life @managerspeak
@brtnz @managerspeak That one emerged just before I packed in work around the middle-end of 2018, along with other bollocks about “standing up a team”. There was, I seem to remember, a lot of “circling back” proposed too. So glad I’m out of all that now.
These don’t count as TLAs @jtweeterson @managerspeak someone set a new standard or target 🎯 to miss stat
@managerspeak Welcome to the carefully strategised paradigm where the customer service returns to a resting place of zero in line with our revenue stream being supplemented with your payment.
@managerspeak Please complete our short 20 min survey so we can harvest and sell tour personal details.
@managerspeak don't forget to choose your pronouns (in our mandatory field)
@managerspeak This needs to go through the post modern visionary dept to be strategised first, you should have it back within a year.
@managerspeak How it works at some publications: 1. Vendors run ads in publications. 2. Publications issue awards to vendors, in hopes vendors will renew their ad insertion contracts.
'Together we joy.' Who the hell speaks like that? #Aperol