ffffffffff @mikes_on_twitr
shagless, wee fella Joined November 2022-
Tweets430
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Followers125
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Following393
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Likes722
*sigh* kind of everything is a sex thing if you need it to be.
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making threatening gestures at cows with my ice cream scoop
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I wish I had some money instead of this freakishly average dick
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“I’m a doomsday prepper” I say to the Costco cashier as she scans 3 pallets of vodka and Uncrustables.
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Some people look better from distance, some look better when they disappear.
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You're telling me a monster had this energy?
do you actually believe boba fett doesn't have tattoos?
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The urologist is making me apologize for my tiny penis
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one thing about me is that i’m going to wear my vans to a winery
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*eating a stick of butter* nobody deserves me
i could best twenty one year old me right now in every way. i'd beat his ass. stupid chungus
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using portals to piss into my own ass
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FAFSA stands for Fuck Ah Fuck Shit Ah what's my login?
My body was not made for concrete or roofing my body was made for smoking weed and jacking off
a being in a portal has been speaking to me
I don’t own any properties on earth but I was promised a lot of special places in hell.
moved in assisted living and i straight up do not belong here lol
Imagine how much cooler this place would be if all the pussies stopped crying about their fuckin problems
eating sun chips at night when there is no sun because i am a bad girl
but if i’m gang gang & ur gang gang then who is flying this plane
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