spike @mikeyboygoliath
howdy howdy how https://t.co/dFUPmDNr4X Joined February 2015-
Tweets300
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Followers36
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Following71
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Likes2K
One stat you won’t find in your Spotify Wrapped is how much artists are paid for all that listening on the platform. The max possible in 2023 is $0.003 per stream. And in 2024, Spotify will stop paying anything AT ALL for 2/3 of the tracks on the platform.
Tried the mindfulness app pipeline to falling asleep in my car
I swear to god if this is the motherfucking matrix I’m going to be so goddamn pissed
Crazy how we all just call it “my feed” where the media companies are basically like “here piggy! Here’s your slop!!” and we’re just like “give! me! The slop! Imthepiggysogimmetheslop”
I have the self confidence of a caterpillar before it becomes the butterfly
“Oh you were waiting for me to do something stupid? Well fear not!” as I pour hot coffee onto my crotch to hide the fact I’m pissing myself
Went on a run this morning and now I’m making eye contact again
That moment when your hat guy friend discreetly takes off his hat to scratch his head revealing his disheveled hairline and you take a courtesy glare the other direction out of respect 🤝
Pining for a simpler time where you could answer the phone with a "yellow!" and whoever was on the other end (didn't matter who) lost their shit every time
Just now a coworker was like “do you have any siblings??” And I was like “aw! : ) nope, only child!”and he was like “no…I said scissors..do you have any scissors..?”
They won’t let me speak to the kids because they know I’ll talk about gym shorts as underwear
Midlife crisis for me is listening to Barenaked ladies and genuinely enjoying myself
My dad is obsessed w holding the smoke in. I’m like bro, you might die??
My cat really acts like she has something better to do.. lady, this apartment is not that big!
Haven’t been to the doctor in years because honestly, I believe in osmosis jones like that movie left a mark. For whatever reason
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