Shadows of Control @shadows_control
Writer, researcher, and survivor championing the fight against coercive control and domestic abuse. Freedom begins with awareness. shadowsofcontrol.substack.com Ireland Joined February 2024-
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When I left my abusive husband, he told me I was ‘quitting’ and ‘giving up’ and ‘not trying’ to fix our marriage. Clearly, he felt I had a responsibility to continue enduring abuse. Letting go is not giving up; it’s realizing that some things are not meant to be held onto…
Violence is not random. It follows a clear, predictable pattern, often beginning with verbal and emotional abuse, intimidation, and physical acts, before progressing to direct violence. Know the signs. shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/warni…
The emotional aftermath of abuse can be complex and overwhelming, but sharing your story can help others feel less alone. #HealingJourney #TraumaRecovery
The hardest part isn’t always leaving—it’s what comes after. It’s learning to trust yourself again. It’s rebuilding your confidence after years of being torn down. It’s fighting the urge to reach out to them when you’re lonely. It’s unlearning the lies they told you about…
One of the hardest parts of healing from abuse is learning to believe yourself again. Abusers train you to doubt your intuition—and reclaiming it is a radical act of self-trust. #HealingJourney
Responding to an angry outburst from my abusive husband (now ex) was a lose-lose situation. If I reacted with anger, no matter how mildly, he would tell me I was crazy, insane, or unbalanced. If I tried to stay calm and not react at all, he would say, "Look at you acting all…
People often ask victims of domestic abuse, “Why don’t you just leave?” but leaving is never simple. Survivors share how fear, manipulation, financial control, isolation, threats to children, trauma bonding, and the hope that the abuser will change all keep them trapped. Leaving…
Self-blame fades when we understand survival strategies. You did what you needed to stay safe. That was never a failure. #SelfCompassion #HealingJourney
Healing isn’t forgetting—it’s transforming. It’s turning pain into strength. It’s holding space for what you endured without letting it define you. It’s forgiving yourself for staying as long as you did. It’s building a life you love on your own terms. #HealingJourney…
For many, escaping domestic abuse is just the beginning of another nightmare—one where their abusive partner refuses to relinquish control, and they are constantly watched, followed, and threatened. shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/post-…
Every step forward in healing is a victory—whether it's setting boundaries, finding your voice, or reclaiming your joy. Celebrate your wins and share your strength! #HealingJourney #TraumaRecovery
Feeling entitled to your constant attention while disregarding your needs is a sign of toxic behavior. Protect your mental and emotional health by prioritizing your own well-being and setting boundaries🧘♀️ #ToxicRelationships
You’re allowed to be loud. You’re allowed to be angry. Survival doesn’t mean shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. #HealingJourney
It’s a myth that someone can be a “good parent” while being abusive to their partner. By default, an abusive partner is an abusive parent. Someone needs to get that memo to the family courts. #DomesticAbuse #FamilyCourt
Gabby Petito’s murder could have been prevented—the bodycam footage shows how Brian Laundrie manipulated police using classic abuser tactics. Gaslighting, DARVO, and emotional manipulation worked in his favor, leaving Gabby unprotected. Here’s how it happened. ⬇️…
Survivors are often pressured to forgive before they've even processed the harm. Anger is not a failure—it's a vital part of healing. #HealingJourney #TraumaRecovery
I came across a post on Threads where a woman shared the harrowing reality of the domestic violence she and her children had survived. In response, someone wrote, “Please stop having babies with abusive men.” This kind of response is incredibly harmful. It blames the victim…
Joanne’s story of surviving an abusive relationship reveals how emotional abuse can start subtly and escalate into control and fear. shadowsofcontrol.com/video/survivin…
Did the abuse make you feel invisible in your own life?
An abuser’s ‘kindness’ is not kindness. It’s strategy. They swing between nasty and nice because both behaviours serve the same purpose - control. It’s not a “bad side” and a “good side.” It’s all manipulation. The nice gestures, the sudden warmth, the moments of tenderness…
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