Shadows of Control @shadows_control
Writer, researcher, and survivor championing the fight against coercive control and domestic abuse. Freedom begins with awareness. shadowsofcontrol.com Ireland Joined February 2024-
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Learn about the insidious tactics of systems abuse and how abusers exploit legal, bureaucratic, and institutional structures to control their victims. #PostSeparationAbuse shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/syste…
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Control can look like punishing independence or autonomy.
Abusers love to frame their control as “helping” or “protecting” you. They’ll convince you that decisions they make—whether about your job, your friends, or your hobbies—are all for your own good. It sounds like they’re being thoughtful, but really, it’s just a way to keep you…
Pay attention to the physical signs—tight chest, racing heart, knots in your stomach. Your body knows. #DomesticAbuseAwareness
Abusers often use children as leverage to continue their control.
Abusers often try to justify their harmful actions with excuses—blaming the victim, citing past trauma, substance use, or mental health struggles, and even claiming it’s “out of love.” Survivors share how these manipulations—from gaslighting to minimizing, denying, or labeling…
The legal system can retraumatize survivors—especially when coercive control isn’t properly understood or addressed. #systemicabuse #domesticabuseawareness
Abusers thrive on chaos because it keeps you too busy to think, too anxious to act, and too confused to recognize the abuse. They will: 🔸Change plans unexpectedly and blame you for not being flexible. 🔸Pick fights over minor issues just to keep the emotional turmoil going.…
By using carefully crafted words and phrases, gaslighters distort your perception of events and shift responsibility for their actions, making you question your own feelings, memory, and worth. #Gaslighting shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/gasli…
Fear doesn’t always come with yelling. Sometimes it’s silence, mood changes, or looks.
“I’m only a 2 out of 10.” That’s how my ex-husband described his abuse. He said a man he knew was a 10 out of 10, and his wife stayed with him because “she knew the importance of family.” He declared it was incredibly selfish of me to leave him considering he was “only a 2.”…
You deserve a love that feels like home, not a battlefield. 💘
Many abusers feel most threatened when their partner begins to reclaim power, confidence, or autonomy. That’s when control tactics often escalate. #CoerciveControl
Guilt is one of the abuser’s most powerful tools—twisting your empathy into a cage you didn’t see forming.
Emotional abuse manipulates feelings to create guilt and unworthiness, while psychological abuse distorts perception to destabilize a victim’s sense of reality. Learning to identify these behaviors is key to breaking free from their control. #AbuseAwareness…
Coercive control doesn’t start with violence—it starts with erosion. Of confidence. Of identity. Of worth. #PsychologicalAbuse #CoerciveControl
Have you ever lied, defended, or covered for your partner to avoid others thinking badly of them? I have. Many times. ✋ Perhaps a friend makes a passing comment about something they’ve noticed, and you jump to your partner’s defense, listing off all the wonderful things about…
A hallmark of #coercivecontrol is the micromanagement of daily life —rigid rules, restrictions, and expectations enforced to control a partner's actions, thoughts, and personal freedom. shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/coerc…
Abusers alternate kindness and cruelty to keep you trapped in the relationship.
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