Slurch Slurchington @slurchzilla
I may or may not have a frame of reference. That is none of your concern. Laugh with me, dammit! Allegedly on Twitter Joined May 2011-
Tweets58
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Followers70
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Following357
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Likes5
"Only two more days this weekend and I can get back to work!!" - no one, ever.
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It's nothing personal...it's just easier to picture you all as child molesters.
Does this Peter Gabriel T-shirt make me look like a douchebag? No? How about this nozzle? Or this ambiguous liquid I'm filled with?
It's funny how there's really only a couple of thin layers of fabric protecting your vaginas from my penis.
It's only debauchery if your family finds out.
I'm considering a new holiday that combines Halloween and Thanksgiving. We would dress the children up as turkeys and hunt them.
Pro Tip: Steer clear of personal hygiene products from the Dollar Store. Especially vaginal spray.
I've been compared with Jonathan Swift. I'm flattered, but Swift was actually funny and insightful. Plus, I think he told less dick jokes.
"Roses are red, violets are blue; I've got the AIDS, and now so do you."
There's really no comedy in labia unless you're braiding them.
Getting caught at the office picking your nose isn't easy to get out of. Usually, I pretend that I've lost something. Or I set them on fire.
I'm sorry...I didn't hear you call me a narcissist. I was entirely too busy being awesome.
Leaving me alone with my thoughts is eerily similar to leaving Pete Townshend alone with the Boys' Choir...sans the heavy petting, of course
If 10 will get you 30 and 15 will get you 20, you probably should have just blown your math teacher when you had the chance.
The best part about Viagra is the postage-paid return mailer the divorce papers come with.
Everything I know about misogyny, codependency, premature balding, interspecies relationships and closeted lesbianism I learned from Peanuts
I think we need to filth it up in here a bit more.
The Lawrence Welk show is like porn for old people.
The beauty of being thoroughly mediocre on last year's Twitter account gives me a distinct edge on failing to impress you again this year.
I bet Richard Simmons has a secret gay fortress.
A$AP Flacko @jpatanjo
275 Followers 1K Following Loves - my @frequentfrier, my fam, my grandbabies, baseball, my @redsox and being warm. Hates - anything with a Yankees logo on it.
Tina @bonzaitina
16 Followers 47 Following Founding member of the world's only Zen Buddhist gang. I'll bust a cap in your conditioned consciousness.
mean jokes @mean_jokes
408 Followers 1K Following
NINE DRAGONS KUNG-FU @DallasBagua
638 Followers 977 Following A Nine Dragon Baguazhang School. Teaching internal kung-fu classes, workshops, & private training for reality based health & self-defense.
Left_Of_Center_RN @TINARN3
249 Followers 601 Following JADED RN (JUST BE GLAD YOU'RE NOT DEAD), Love 80's rock & horror flicks. Def Leppard Fanatic! Proud Glambert! I'M ANTI-CELEBUTARDS & H8 STUPID!
Mercedes @Rudaxf
141 Followers 722 Following
Allicia @anjellwinx
3 Followers 61 Following
Kat @annssister
338 Followers 777 Following Just another of the fleece-clad masses of the Emerald City. She/Her
Timothy-the-second @Timothy_second
46 Followers 238 Following I Read. I like. I Re-tweet. You're welcome.
By: Kinan @SyriaThinks
53 Followers 155 Following GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH! -Patrick Henry summarized 237 years ago what the Syrian people are saying today. Proud of being American and Syrian. #Syria
Jax @JaxStarNYC
1K Followers 1K Following why didn't I become twitter famous like I had always dreamed? https://t.co/sx2MxkwXl6
Call me Al @FilleBleue
142 Followers 363 Following My dog is my co-pilot. Grape flavored candy is where it's at. I paint & take pictures. Trump (still) sucks.
Robert Tad White Jr. @BobbyWhite00
369 Followers 1K Following Hi! I'm in the 6th grade & active in Cubs. I am boy, hear me roar!!! Follow me and my life at Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School.
toastbeard @toastbeard
1K Followers 1K Following Repent of your good deeds. Be aware that glory is poison, and regard blame or infamy as nectar
AKA Pax @berenichi
320 Followers 344 Following You may actually get to know me better here. May. May not.
Carol @Sasskisser
56 Followers 66 Following Sweet sarcastic sexy...until you piss me off. Cool only by association. I used to be Cheeky_Geek.
Kid A.G. @GDSKid
246 Followers 706 Following Superstar Host of the All Knowing, All Present, and All Powerful Goin' Deep Show. Interests include causing trouble, poking, prodding and picking.
Squiggle Line @squiggIeline
2K Followers 1K Following Gambling is not an addiction because I don't have the munchies.
Pepper Von Snidely @PepperVon
274 Followers 899 Following I'm Pepper, these are my tweets and I'm THAT sarcastic blog girl.
designertalks @designertalks
1K Followers 849 Following I can say whatever I want here and not have to worry about over-tweeting. @designersays is my primary account.
Tea Holders @TeaHolders
432 Followers 1K Following Tea, Accessories, Relaxation, Music, Well-being and Good Vibes
Radio Stylez @radio_stylez
349 Followers 2K Following God bless you unless you was disrespectful Bitches dissappoint you but money won't ever stress you
Evil Twin @ImYourEvilTwin
625 Followers 1K Following Taking the blame for you since the day you were born and liking it
Wilma Turdbewarm @dancingjobby
209 Followers 253 Following Crude and vulgar with a ridiculous toilet sense of humour that embarrasses my mother no end:)
Ashley Bro @AshleyAKForty7
89 Followers 201 Following
Crissy Haselton @crissyhaselton
201 Followers 570 Following An accident looking for a place to happen.
John Kolsun @ReShootComic
5K Followers 7K Following Hey I like to write and...fun. I kinda look like that up there ^ Add 4 years.
putana de seatbeltz @DboogdogFW
3K Followers 3K Following I'll be the first to Bossa nova at 10,000 miles above LA. Decisions are the worst. I'm a beta. Glorior esse qui sum.
Molotov @MolotovCoqteez
266 Followers 264 Following I've changed this damn thing six times and it never updates! I'm sure this one will because it says absolutely nothing!
Old Man Evil @EvilPilgrim
1K Followers 952 Following By Demons Be Driven. Beckon the Call. 🤘🏻Super heroes, Video Games and funny shit. Straight Shirt Cockin it thru life
Hi Dad Soup @BasedGelfling
7K Followers 7K Following Vomit Trigger, 10 Cent Glamour Girl, Miss Ultimate Sexy Baby Nevada 1985, Kwyjibo, Taarakian. You retweet me. My online dating e-fiance @andynielson ❤️
Jake Cohen @whiskeytown79
717 Followers 386 Following I am an adjunct professor of Forensic Philosophy.
Max Powers @ManginaMcCool
2K Followers 787 Following Professional mime hunter. Illiteratish.. Cake enthusiast. All-around drain on modern society. Machine gun of awesomeness.
Crazydoesit @Crazydoesit
1K Followers 2K Following SWF seeking others pursuing a degree in sarcasm, practical jokes or reality tv. Must love dogs &the word fuck. I'm also an Air Force Mom. #voteblue
Man Trouble @DrinkingatWork
4K Followers 4K Following Drunk on life (Vodka). Born to be mild. I actually chose the douchy avi. Strictly non-compos mentis.
peter @p3
596 Followers 391 Following
nocturnallyme @nocturnallyme
2K Followers 4K Following My current avi is not exactly a recent pic, but I think it well displays my native attitude toward life in general.
Beth Luxury-Yacht @siouxdonnem
2K Followers 494 Following Tennessean in the UK. Has sausages for legs.
Carly @MsCarlissima
7K Followers 563 Following Don't tell me how to rob a bank. I know how to rob a bank.
Pepper Von Snidely @PepperVon
274 Followers 899 Following I'm Pepper, these are my tweets and I'm THAT sarcastic blog girl.
Kid A.G. @GDSKid
246 Followers 706 Following Superstar Host of the All Knowing, All Present, and All Powerful Goin' Deep Show. Interests include causing trouble, poking, prodding and picking.
Radio Stylez @radio_stylez
349 Followers 2K Following God bless you unless you was disrespectful Bitches dissappoint you but money won't ever stress you
Allison @AllisonAndersn
779 Followers 821 Following
Tea Holders @TeaHolders
432 Followers 1K Following Tea, Accessories, Relaxation, Music, Well-being and Good Vibes
Zen Bubba @Zen_Bubba
985 Followers 744 Following God Fearing American Conservative Husband and Father
Molotov @MolotovCoqteez
266 Followers 264 Following I've changed this damn thing six times and it never updates! I'm sure this one will because it says absolutely nothing!
Mega Jokes @MegaJokes
10K Followers 8K Following Funny jokes to Brighten up your day :) [email protected]
John Kolsun @ReShootComic
5K Followers 7K Following Hey I like to write and...fun. I kinda look like that up there ^ Add 4 years.
ray 鄺羡華 @raykwong
67K Followers 31K Following WSJ caption 🏆 | Space | Clean Energy | US-China | USC | Legacy Blue Check. Bad tweets written by my intern. #ENDALZ #NASASocial 🌊
HN @designersays
6K Followers 541 Following I escaped Vietnam on a boat when I was 3, sent to Australia and grew up in Sydney. Now based in NYC, helping startups and companies with design support
😎Encore Stoned😎 @CheVolay
884 Followers 539 Following Detour to Frolic. Bonhomous/Recalcitrant. I smoke a lot of weed. Above multi-colored photo is a drop of motor oil in a puddle of rain water
DG @desirousgoddess
836 Followers 88 Following I was the last person to shake James Brown’s hand at his last concert before he died.
Buscaré otro Nick @Soymiotroyo
617 Followers 576 Following Geek: Tecnologia y Gadgets - De vida Simple, Ironica y aveces Grosera.
Old Man Evil @EvilPilgrim
1K Followers 952 Following By Demons Be Driven. Beckon the Call. 🤘🏻Super heroes, Video Games and funny shit. Straight Shirt Cockin it thru life
LeFemme @LeFemmeDeOgre
28 Followers 221 Following
Bryan @scenesfromahat
2K Followers 553 Following Give me words and I'll give you stories. https://t.co/t31mcjnpL3
PTSDog @killaguhrilla
417 Followers 320 Following Gramatically enhanced for increased impressionability.
Allen Garner @ChrisPbacon286
92 Followers 183 Following I have 2 boys. My oldest is Autistic. I deal with his Disability with humor. It can make you Insane sometimes, if u let it. I choose to not let it. I am his Dad
This Is Awkward @acwhfilms
742 Followers 782 Following Formerly the profile of Unholy Jesus. Please support our new project 'The Awkward Conversations We Have'. Series of six short films released online now!
Wilma Turdbewarm @dancingjobby
209 Followers 253 Following Crude and vulgar with a ridiculous toilet sense of humour that embarrasses my mother no end:)
By: Kinan @SyriaThinks
53 Followers 155 Following GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH! -Patrick Henry summarized 237 years ago what the Syrian people are saying today. Proud of being American and Syrian. #Syria
The Angry Oracle @TheAngryOracle
6K Followers 3K Following When people say things like I can't deal with stupid,I usually pause and imagine the internal struggle they are going through within.
toastbeard @toastbeard
1K Followers 1K Following Repent of your good deeds. Be aware that glory is poison, and regard blame or infamy as nectar
Yogiwan Kenobi @bymyfruit
268 Followers 861 Following Ambassador of Quan. Son. Friend. Husband. Father. Student. Teacher.
Crissy Haselton @crissyhaselton
201 Followers 570 Following An accident looking for a place to happen.
Casey @kadield
402 Followers 939 Following I'm the gay man your mother warned you about. Creator of the hashtag #powerbottom and Prince of the Deliciously Damned. #FeedCasey
S. Anthony Thomas @santhonythomas
8K Followers 6K Following Google me. I host two pods. These are their accounts & Hashtags: @santhonysays #SAnthonySays @TheSAnthonyTho1 #SATShowPod
Vincent Vasectomy @MentalVasectomy
1K Followers 2K Following Shouting out inappropriate shit enriching lives. Enjoys riots and snorting ants. I suffer from acephalia My tumblr @ http://t.co/I3ijvICgBu
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