dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

i heard you were stealing my thoughts during the hour of prayer, bro. asdf Joined March 2011

Tweets

9K
Followers

223
Following

582
Likes

17K

dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

a year ago

u know ur about to learn some excel black magic when the new guy uses the word “ask” as a noun

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

a year ago

all you gotta know about butts is there are two parts. first you got the cheeks, them’s the big round puppies on the sides. but then… *face turns dark* …then, my boy, you got the crack…

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

a year ago

casual sex? *i tighten my bowtie* lady there’s nothing “casual” about this

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

2 years ago

if i ever got swatted i would simply comply with the officer’s lawful orders and everything would be fine

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donald boat @laserboat999

5 years ago

Drake: I'm in ya city so call me on the phone / when im in the 6 i just wanna be alone, The Weeknd: Yeah babe, bring out the cocaine we can get it poppin babe Rick Ross: Brown diarrhea in the all white wraith / fat ass dude but i still got faith 🙏

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movie Luver 🙂 @xLord_of_war

3 years ago

father thinks i’m unfit to reign lol

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

2 years ago

dan orlovsky is a little geek

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

2 years ago

don’t worry this is gonna hurt worse than it tastes

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John Frankensteiner @JFrankensteiner

2 years ago

Pop Base @PopBase

2 years ago

Name your favorite quote by a celebrity.

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

2 years ago

if you clap when the plane lands you’re a LOSER end of story

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Druthers Haver @6thgrade4ever

2 years ago

Kevin Durant 2011 tweet: Some these Money Python skits... LMAO! 🙋 Kevin Durant 2024 tweet: [replying to an 85 follower account that tweeted "Dur*nt's jumper looks flat"] Package in the mail for u big guy 📦⏰💣

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

2 years ago

buck naked and buck wild

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

2 years ago

me sitting down in the confessional booth: father, i must confess…. i have cooked another mc….

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

2 years ago

the meth subreddit is, perhaps unsurprisingly, full of bars like this

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

3 years ago

what’s it called when two guys eskimo kiss the same girl

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dwayne ‘the johnson’ rock @wizardcrime

3 years ago

Dylan @PowellAnalytics

3 years ago

If there were a “Sports Twitter” Hall of Fame, honoring the best sports-related tweets of all time, what would be your nominee?

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chloe @chloes_posts

3 years ago

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regular sized ackman @pleas4nt

5 years ago

Grandpa was a cruel man. Not physically, nothing so grand as that. Constant little things. When he got sick, I didnt visit him once. It was a relief when he went. I've never told anyone this before. Alex Trebek: Good stuff. Jamie from Bakersfield, you're a big Mickey Mouse fan?

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carl 🥦 @NightlifeMingus

3 years ago

(rubbing temples as i brood over a sprawling heap of scrolls) tell me… my people, do they still say I am the GOAT? my vizier: (rueful—and yet, is that the shadow of a smile which plays across his lips?) they say, my lord… that you are washed, I fear