Dysfunctional Seven @Dysfunctional7
Twenty something single mom, fluent in sarcasm, Unconventional at best with a dash of insanity and sprinkles of imagination to keep my world running smoothly my imagination Joined January 2013-
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Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
Me: Did you learn anything interesting at preschool? 3-year-old: No. Me: Why not? 3-year-old: They still won't teach us to use the Force.
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Theraflu and Netflix. Nobody parties like me.
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
Adulthood is just seeing how much you can get done while tired.
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
Sex is like miniature golf. You have to work around a lot of silly obstacles before you get to put it in the hole.
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
Men fall in love: When a woman can make a sandwich. Women fall in love: When a man can fuck her good enough to deserve a fuckin' sandwich.
There's a protest outside of my building. Something about saving dolphins. Three word make their argument invalid "dolphin rape caves"
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
I don't negotiate with terrorists. But apparently I'm willing to try my luck with toddlers.
For once, a Monday that doesn't make me want to kick myself in my imaginary testicles.
The kiddo is #sick again. 103 fever at home with her gma while I sit at work feeling like crap. bring on the #mommieguilt
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever.
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
I'd rather be taken hostage in a bank robbery than have to fold and put up my clean laundry.
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
We should really stop with the cute people names for devastating storms. Hurricane Voldemort would be taken much more seriously.
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
Sometimes I need a nap just to get enough energy to keep slacking off. Underachieving is harder than it looks.
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
Your acronyms don’t save time if I have to spend 15 minutes on Urban Dictionary to figure out if I should be insulted or aroused.
#sophiathefirst with the mini me. I wish I had a flying horse
went home early and slept the day away #fightingthesickness
Dysfunctional Seven retweeted
Calling all tea-lovers! Top up the teapot with a year's free tea. Follow & RT before 5pm to enter the #FreeTeaFriday draw. It could be brew!
10:30AM and just now putting on my makeup. Yup, it's one of those days.
There's not enough coffee in my cup to fuel me for this day #exhausted #ivecontracttedthedeathcough
Can't find my corkscrew #endoftheworld
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