Jokesmike @home_halfway

Failed. Joined May 2022

Tweets

27
Followers

210
Following

89
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0

Jokesmike @home_halfway

a year ago

Starting a group DM. Just a place to offer collaborative workshopping, Stat boosting, and general support. Contact me if you're interested and serious.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

a year ago

Another dream of mine, thrown into the garbage. Who gives a shit.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

a year ago

Just tested positive for Covid-19 eight times in a row. Fuck this pandemic, and fuck everyone who ever thought it was funny to say that the virus is good.

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The reason dating has become so crazy in 2016 is that there's basically two kinds of daters. There are Wheel of Fortune daters and Jeopardy daters. And if you are a Jeopardy dater, going on a date with a Wheel of Fortune dater, you are not going to vibe. End of story. @midnight

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ModCloth @ModCloth

a year ago

No notes! // @home_halfway on Twitter #ModCloth #catlovers #cutecats #catmemes #relatable

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President Biden @POTUS

a year ago

Jill and I wish Muslim communities here at home and around the world a blessed and prosperous month. Ramadan Kareem!

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

a year ago

I hate people. Very, very deeply. I hate them. I don't have enough words to describe how much I just. Fucking. Hate. People.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

Sorry, deleted. Stupid of me.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

Absolutely unbearable. This news is not only devastating to comedy fans, but also any one who has a decent fucking human soul. In light of this, I can only offer my shoulders to cry on.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

If I must die, I ask that it be at the hands of Lorne.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

I will delete this in two seconds but it's incredible to me that Big Bubba prison sex jokes are still a thing while Darfur region exists.

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GingerSkis @DiddyPersisted

2 years ago

Do you use INSULIN? #voteblue in November. Do you have a VAGINA? #voteblue in November. Do you want your child to NOT GET SHOT AND KILLED IN SCHOOL? #voteblue in November. Do you want to SAVE DEMOCRACY? #voteblue in November.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

Frankly, my inability to gracefully bow out of situations that call for me to do that is why I am called "Roach Cunt" .

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

Comedy is my life language. Take your time. Breathe. Dance for no reason. Nobody is going to do it for you unless you do it.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

My grade school piano instructor was right. I will never make it in Hollywood because at my core I am a deeply unsatisfying man due to the many psychological injuries I have suffered.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

Reminder that Lorne Michaels still has not formally, publicly banned Louis C.K., Aziz Anzari or Machine Gun Kelly from participating in SNL as either a host or cast member. 2022 is officially shit.

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Emily Moore @Emily_Is_Moore

3 years ago

Well... I am officially a member of the Producer's Guild! 😃

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

Comedy is my answer to the pain of life. Many would misunderstand me as some sort of a sick, retarded villain, and they would be correct.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

That I've hurt so many just for the sake of my own self needs gets impossibly worse every time I want to open my big mouth. Getting everything better again means struggling with wondering what the fuck I'm doing.

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Jokesmike @home_halfway

2 years ago

June 2012. I join Twitter. I have no idea what I'm doing. My social media experience to date had been my Myspace top 8 and playing Lil Green Patch on Facebook. Interactions with strangers hadn't been done. I was hooked immediately. I replied to people probably 200 times a day.