Trashy @JBTrashy
Puckering buttholes since '83. Turd Whisperer. Realist. x.com/search?q=from:… Your mom's top drawer. Joined April 2011-
Tweets2K
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Followers256
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Following753
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Likes3K
Time is the real OG. No amount of money can speed it up, slow it down, or make it stand still. Time has never had a fuck to give. That motherfucker keeps on rolling whether we like it or not. Other than you being gay, it is the one thing that will never change.
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@LiveExtra Don't forget to cup the Islanders balls before you put their dicks in your mouth. Jesus Christ.
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[buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.
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*rips huge fart right when I get in my car* Murderer in back seat: dear god ur not even worth it. U literally just ruined my whole thing
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DR: symptoms DAD: my diarrhea cleared up DR: so ur saying u have DAD: [nodding] let's do this TOGETHER: GONorrhea *both start air guitaring*
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*son walks in as mom hides her urban dictionary word-of-the-day calendar* Mom: How was school? Son: ok Mom: Had a real trill lunch with Nona
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You owned your car for 4 years, you named it Brad. You and Brad did some fucked up shit for money. It's ok, we understand.
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Why is it that people offer you a tissue if you sneeze, but not when you fart?
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[driving by Toys R Us] 5-year-old: What does that sign say? Me: Boring Calculator Store.
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[bankruptcy court] JUDGE: *rubbing bridge of nose* Says here you bought 1000 bouncy castles? ME: *lips on mic* For my kingdom, Your Honor
Don't forget to take advantage of Cyber Monday deals and save big on everyday essentials like Ejaculoid...
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Being an adult is a horrible scam.
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Paying bills, or as I call it, the race to a zero balance
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"dad can I get a tattoo?" no [10 minutes later] out of curiosity, what did you wanna get? "dinosaur revving a dirtbike" I'll ask your mother
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When ya grandma pull out a fresh pan of mac n cheese #ThanksgivingWithBlackFamilies
The longboard scene from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty but me trying to make it to the liquor store before it closes.
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†Honour† ن �... @ProphetsTears
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ŵ͂̌́͝͡ylde d̵�... @flashember
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