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Sometimes I wish I were a butterfly, so I could fly far, far away from this place. And also, then I could have sex with a butterfly.
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Nietzsche once said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And that might be true, but what DOES kill you makes you a LOT weaker.
I wonder if a snake ever tried to pick something up and then remembered it doesn't have arms. If I were a snake, I'd do that all the time.
I saw a sign that said Brake For Moose, but if I saw a moose I would speed up and pet it before it knew what was happening.
The power of positive thinking: I drove all the way to the store before I realized I forgot my car keys.
Wearing a pair of glasses makes you look smart. 2-3 pairs = Genius.
Big Bird is an understatement. More accurate: Power Plant Bird.
I scribbled on a piece of paper and it took me all night to untangle it.
Note to self: Buy tandem bike in case I get a friend.
Adulthood: The only thing that made today different than yesterday is that I didn’t poop.
Allanrey Salazar @allanreysalazar
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