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Tweets2K
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Followers171
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Following337
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Likes231
I used conditioner before the shampoo. What happens next? Do I call poison control?
I have Covid AND a newborn baby so I'm going to need you to bend the rules and put out a new Wordle every six and a half minutes
It's fun that 24 hours after the Super Bowl the commercials are just commercials that are played too often and suck
When did kids' valentines at school become some sort of gift bag arms race?
Bluey is the best kids programming but I need a hyper realistic episode where Bandit yells "if I have to play this game for one more minute I'm going to set my face on fire" and then lies on the bathroom floor for 45 minutes
Does everyone else buy hummus on everything shopping trip, despite always having at least 2 open containers already in the fridge?
My brain: You will never see those people again and you don't ever have to think about that unpleasant encounter again Also my brain: Thinks about that unpleasant encounter for the rest of my life
My daughter found an old birthday card that plays a jaunty version of "Happy Birthday" and this is what hell is.
No one tells you that like 30% of your adult life is just spent loading and unloading the dishwasher
No, YOU'RE re-watching Mamma Mia while answering emails
It's fun when my phone is like try portrait mode and I'm like that won't help
Looking forward to the mob speaking at the 2024 Republican convention
Aren't we all just an unidentified monolith standing alone in the dessert?
Grabbing people off the streets. This is terrifying.
Grabbing people off the streets. This is terrifying.
This will, no doubt, be my best quarantine purchase by far @DefectorMedia
I drank a bottle of wine while watching a Board of Education meeting on zoom last night, in case you were wondering if I still party
big hello to the guy in the park wearing jean shorts doing pull ups on the monkey bars
It's adorable how Google maps still gives me the travel time to the office every morning.
Esme-rose Yoney @RoseYoney77001
35 Followers 5K Following
Aydah Finne @AydahFinne50545
78 Followers 5K Following
Chris H @KansasInNYC
7 Followers 29 Following
Niki Fonoti @NikiFonoti2
162 Followers 3K Following I’m here because I’m too lazy to find my soulmate and my💞 mom said that I’m getting old. My WhatsApp 19015913110
Morgan Murphy @memjia
100 Followers 379 Following Web designer, baker, democratic socialist with @miamidsa.
Harry Murphy @HarryMu08232546
1 Followers 6 Following
Benjamin MTV @mtv_benjamin
8 Followers 65 Following
Veronica Aguilar @VeronicaHornig
44 Followers 378 Following Black Lives Matter. I don't really tweet.
Slobodan Might-know-y.. @xtnpdrz
538 Followers 2K Following 🏳️🌈🇨🇺 • If you ever address me in Spanish, please use the formal “pendejo” • he/him/él/-o • ATL
sara @MezzoSPetro
27 Followers 147 Following
PodSlam: A Podcast Ma.. @PodSlamLive
3K Followers 4K Following PodSlam is a Podcast-a-thon on 9/21/19 benefitting @ConnorsCure at the @iochicago hosted by @Arcade_Audio! [email protected]
myHOMEboken @myHOMEboken
13 Followers 77 Following Award Winning Real Estate Team with global ties, that stands for unparalleled service, extensive knowledge and positive vibes. Live. Well. Here.
Lead McEnroe @LeadMcEnroe
25 Followers 29 Following Long-Form Improv Comedy, est. 2008. First Fridays, 7:30pm @thepitnyc.
timlee @timothyjlee
53 Followers 312 Following
Paul Little @pablo_pequeno3
33 Followers 105 Following Video editor of video things like May It Last: A Portrait of The Avett Brothers, My Next Guest Needs No Introduction and Jerry Before Seinfeld
Chris cabe @Chriscabe4
0 Followers 131 Following
Emily Chasan @echasan
12K Followers 14K Following ESG & Sustainability Comms @Citi #sustainablefinance, #netzero & #ESG | Ex-scribe @business @WSJ & @Reuters | Views mine.
Shahin choudhary @shahin24h
137 Followers 1K Following I am a professional graphic designer. I believe in providing high quality work with in quick time. All final product delivered within time frame requested.😎
Emily Bouchard @emily4families
588 Followers 1K Following Helping you have the most important conversations of your life go well and bring you closer together. #prenups #estateplanning #legacy #familybusiness
The Cackle @thecacklecomedy
138 Followers 350 Following
Brian DeGroat @ADKBrianDeGroat
18 Followers 51 Following Educator, collaborator, sometimes adventurer
Jess Lazar @LazerBeams
32 Followers 132 Following
Rachel Cohen @RachelCohen_16
0 Followers 66 Following
joey cola @colajoeycola
17 Followers 59 Following
Emily Skyrm @emilywrites2
200 Followers 2K Following writer and mom in Brooklyn. #mfapoetry @naropa. published in @huffpost @fortunemagazine @redbookmag #memoir #amquirying
Christian Guevara @Un_Berraco
4 Followers 13 Following thx to my 8th grade teacher for giving me detention for demanding evolution be taught & be somebody who treats everybody like somebody.
Kimberly Schmidt @KimberCoops
1K Followers 2K Following Game Master on the @Broadwaysted Podcast 👰 of @theJaySchmidt 📸 - @kimbercoops
Laura Jo Trexler @laurajoplayon
79 Followers 189 Following I’m new to this twitter thing. I don’t think I like it #whatsatweet https://t.co/g242BfgdWV
Angela Cobb @angelacobb
6K Followers 5K Following stand-up comic | recovering tomboy | platonically irresistible | Instagram: (at) angelacobbcomedy | [email protected] | (she/her)
Girltown @girltownband
23 Followers 253 Following Three-piece North Jersey rock band, talking to you ON the internet, ABOUT the internet.
Stephanie Mankins @MephanyStankins
74 Followers 419 Following I love dogs and pet chickens, among many animals, some human. (she/her/hers)
Jen Kay @JenKayComedy
254 Followers 176 Following Sirius XM, Atlantic City & Las Vegas Casinos. Common good comedy show on YouTube.
Beth and Charly @bethandcharly
2K Followers 920 Following Charly's a child star on a comeback. Beth is her unfulfilled friend-ssistant. A series about dysfunction, co-dependency, and fame w/ @JeremyMJordan. Watch:
Broadwaysted! Podcast @Broadwaysted
3K Followers 1K Following Drunk on Theatre! Literally. Listen weekly w/ @nuttyplofessor, @jaegerkev, @KimberCoops, & guests. Part of the @bwaypodnetwork. Subscribe on all pod platforms!
Rose Viny @rose_viny
11 Followers 87 Following
Brendan Delaney @brendanpdelaney
102 Followers 209 Following
PACMOON @SuccessWTeamwrk
7K Followers 8K Following
Winter Film Awards @WinterFilmAward
2K Followers 257 Following Winter Film Awards is a non-profit Independent Film Festival with a focus on nurturing emerging filmmakers and showcasing the diversity of independent film.
AJ Foster @AJFosterComedy
2K Followers 845 Following Comic seen on @LOLNetwork, @AXSTV's Gotham Comedy Live, @MTV, & @LaughsTVShow. I'm just tryna be famous enough for someone to create a Wikipedia page for me!
Jane Harrison @janeheartxo
341 Followers 2K Following
Bo Jeffries @bo_jeffries
55 Followers 181 Following
Bits to Bits @bitstobits
0 Followers 44 Following
Box Office Mojo @boxofficemojo
210K Followers 44 Following The leading online box office reporting and analysis service
Rob Perez @WorldWideWob
1.2M Followers 1.3M Following Late Night with Wob - NBA Postgame Show, exclusively on @SiriusXMNBA ||||| @SorareNBA ||||| @SkyWobAlerts
Malika Andrews @malika_andrews
279K Followers 1K Following Host of NBA Today and NBA Countdown. Journalist. Oakland grown. ☕️
Chris Vernon @ChrisVernonShow
192K Followers 1K Following NBA podcast co-host for @ringer - “The Mismatch”. The Chris Vernon Show in Memphis. Go subscribe to those everywhere.
Kevin O'Connor @KevinOConnorNBA
380K Followers 3K Following Basketball, @ringer/@spotify. Podcast co-host of The Mismatch and NBA Draft Show. Author of my annual Draft Guide.
Mrs Poindexter @poindexter_mrs
952K Followers 125 Following Average mom, 47, Native American, senior executive in technology, computer engineer & chemist, hunter & outdoors-woman
Annabelle Peaches @annabelle_peach
110K Followers 48 Following Average mom. Above average pastry chef. Below average model. (SFW Twitter @annaisapeach). Reddit u/annabellepeach. I made an Instagram @annabellelovespeaches
Brooklyn Steel @brooklynsteel
7K Followers 12 Following Your favorite place in East Williamsburg 🤘 @bowerypresents
Kimberly Schmidt @KimberCoops
1K Followers 2K Following Game Master on the @Broadwaysted Podcast 👰 of @theJaySchmidt 📸 - @kimbercoops
Veronica Aguilar @VeronicaHornig
44 Followers 378 Following Black Lives Matter. I don't really tweet.
gerald stratford @geraldstratfor3
300K Followers 2K Following Retired fisherman and Gardener heavy into growing big veg . buy my book Big Veg from Amazon, Waterstones, Blackwells, Hive, Foyles.
NJ Vaccine @nj_vaccine
70K Followers 25 Following Follow me for available COVID19 vaccine appointments in New Jersey. Check my website for additional resources, links, contact. *not government affiliated*
Molly Jong-Fast @MollyJongFast
1.1M Followers 7K Following subscribe to fast politics https://t.co/8oCGnjfIKm follow me on instagram https://t.co/bZreuBOHrV @vanityfair special correspondent & MSNBC
Laura Jo Trexler @laurajoplayon
79 Followers 189 Following I’m new to this twitter thing. I don’t think I like it #whatsatweet https://t.co/g242BfgdWV
Morgan Murphy @memjia
100 Followers 379 Following Web designer, baker, democratic socialist with @miamidsa.
Sarah Cooper @sarahcpr
2.0M Followers 4K Following #UNFROSTED is streaming May 3rd on @Netflix. My book of essays FOOLISH is out now from @duttonbooks
Jurassic Park Updates @JurassicPark2go
402K Followers 11 Following @pjayevans @NotJosephGarcia @rajat_suresh @Colinoscopy @totallymorgan @julieabridged @astonoha @quakerraina @carmchristopher @jayweingarten @dlicj @sarahsquirm
Governor Phil Murphy @GovMurphy
465K Followers 286 Following 56th Governor of the Garden State and husband to @FirstLadyNJ. Rebuilding the American Dream in New Jersey. Text me: (732) 605-5455
Bronx Zoo @BronxZoo
63K Followers 4K Following We're open 10:00am-5:00pm Monday through Friday and from 10:00am-5:30pm Saturdays and Sundays. Reserve tickets below!
Amanda Mull @amandamull
105K Followers 2K Following coming soon to Bloomberg Businessweek. formerly @theatlantic. repped by @cheneyagency. Georgia native, Georgia Bulldog.
RwdPubSchools @RwdPubSchools
2K Followers 141 Following
Alex Edelman @AlexEdelman
39K Followers 2K Following Comedian. JUST FOR US on @HBO on April 6. 🎟️s for LA in link.
Elizabeth Warren @ewarren
5.8M Followers 560 Following U.S. Senator, former teacher. Wife, mom (Amelia, Alex, Bailey, @CFPB), grandmother, and Okie. She/her. Official campaign account.
Sunrise Movement 🌅 @sunrisemvmt
265K Followers 3K Following We’re building a movement of young people to stop climate change & create millions of good jobs in the process #GreenNewDeal | Text GND to 88504 for updates ☀️
Aaron Judge @TheJudge44
539K Followers 586 Following Christian. Faith, Family, then Baseball. “If what you did yesterday still seems big today, then you haven't done anything today!”
Noah Syndergaard @Noahsyndergaard
1.2M Followers 1K Following California dreaming.....Text me: 817-953-2575
New York Yankees @Yankees
3.8M Followers 333 Following Official Twitter of the 27-time World Series Champions #RepBX Text us: (917) 809-4227
Sir Didi Gregorius @DidiG18
277K Followers 479 Following Im actually knighted.... if u have the power to make ppl smile use it cuz the world need more ppl like u... light the spark they need.... IG: Sirdidig18
Unspooled @unspooled
10K Followers 44 Following @PaulScheer & @theAmyNicholson try to find the 100 best movies of all. Join the weekly at https://t.co/zW2XeHHJVr
Amy Nicholson @TheAmyNicholson
37K Followers 2K Following Chief film critic of bat gifs. Host of the podcasts Unspooled and Zoom. Literally wrote the book on Tom Cruise.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cor.. @AOC
13.2M Followers 4K Following US Congresswoman, NY-14. In a modern, moral, and wealthy society, no American should be too poor to live. People-Funded, takes no lobbyist💰. Personal account.
Lead McEnroe @LeadMcEnroe
25 Followers 29 Following Long-Form Improv Comedy, est. 2008. First Fridays, 7:30pm @thepitnyc.
Marcella Arguello @marcellacomedy
45K Followers 2K Following Comedian. Known Bitch. HBO special #BitchGrowUp on MAX. Comedy albums: Mercury in Reggaeton & TheWokeBully. Podcast: Comedy Is Dead! ░T░I░X░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░0░
Dan Hopper @DanHopp
11K Followers 608 Following Writer of TV and most of the internet. Never not making this exact expression. Sports takes at @danhoppops
Megan Ganz @meganganz
89K Followers 707 Following The Onion, Community, Modern Family, It's Always Sunny, The Last Man On Earth and now MYTHIC QUEST. I also do children's parties.
Mike Birbiglia @birbigs
630K Followers 2K Following My new standup special, The Old Man & The Pool, is available on Netflix. Currently on tour in a city near you.
Ariel Dumas @ArielDumas
70K Followers 8K Following IG: @ arieldumaspubicaccount - Head Writer and Supervising Producer for @colbertlateshow
Eliot Glazer @eliotglazer
10K Followers 1K Following a glasses person // writer for iCarly, New Girl, Younger, Broad City, podcasts, eulogies, dating profiles, etc. // mgmt: caa + artists first
Brendan Sagalow @BrendanSagalow
11K Followers 903 Following Stand up Cormedian and, podcaster (sorry)
As we watch what’s unfolding in Gaza, I keep returning to this Feb tweet by a journalist I respect who saw a Palestinian man assaulted by an Israeli soldier right in front of him & focused on how dehumanizing it was for the SOLDIER Western media observes but lacks eyes that see
I never had a source assaulted in front of me until today when an Israeli soldier who stopped my interview did this with a Palestinian peace activist Issa Amro in Hebron. I can't stop thinking how dehumanizing the occupation is on the young soldiers charged with enforcing it.
Could you imagine if Congress were 72% women and regularly spent their time debating what they should or shouldn’t allow men to do 💀
Good: Instead of making it easier for women to get access to an abortion pill, the FDA should be banning it
To anyone in Alberta currently considering moving elsewhere after the election of Danielle Smith: I can’t tell you not to move. I can’t tell you not to do what’s best for you, your family, your safety, your livelihood, or all of the above—because I moved away from Alberta.…
Best fans in the world 💙
Say what you will about Toy Story 4, but this part had me laughing hard. Ducky and Bunny need to return in 5.
Ur a flash player who gets bodied by average tackles. Don’t let the New York media affect you too much.
Way this game look we might be better than the 49rs😂😂😂
It’s a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth. Watch this exclusive script-to-screen from #GlassOnion: A Knives Out Mystery.
Playoffs in Year 2 🙌 @Trevorlawrencee (via @espn)
(looking at frankincense prices) maybe it's not weird if two of us give him myrrh?
Some photos of our momentous big-screen viewing of BARRY LYNDON
More armed watchers at the Mesa drop box this evening. Photo taken by someone that went to watch the watchers. @mcsoaz came over to ask everyone to get out of each other's personal space.
How to Get Your ADHD Boyfriend to Hyperfixate on Your Clit: ow.ly/FZ4Y50KQSJH
You are missed, Carly!
Slowly beginning to love it out here in GA. But let’s face it, I’m missing the A’s a little extra too 😭😭 This time last year I was gearing up for the end of the season, right before my 3rd ♥️ surgery. It’s when I would meet the one & only @tonykemp
Literally me watching this game
Leonardo DiCaprio, unfortunately, cannot be a BVB fan
OTD in 2016, @TheJudge44 crushed his first career homer - and it was in his first career AB!
Vazquez when asked if he was traded to Astros, “I think so, yeah.” How does it feel: “It’s a business.” Red Sox PR pulled him away.
Um, I emptied the dishwasher?
Did u add to your legacy today? If so, what did u do?
Steph gets emotional after winning his 4th ring 🙏
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