Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

I'm an overgrown kid in my forties with three crazy little boys (14, 13, & 10) and a very patient (and tired) wife. randomdadisms.com Olympia, Washington Joined December 2013

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

*watching marble runs on YouTube* 7yo: Gravity is what makes marble runs possible. Me: You’re right. 7yo: Yeah, because without gravity everything would be floating around and people would be too freaked out to build marble runs! #logic

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

4yo: I wanna shower! Me: Alright, but you’ll need to go get a clean towel first 4yo: Okay! …I guess he’s planning on being in there for a while

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

Me: You need to get dressed for school 7yo: No Me: Get dressed now or I’ll sing to you 7yo: I don’t wanna get dressed Me: ♫ DON’T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA!! ♫ 7yo: Argh… make it stop! Me: ♫ THE TRUTH IS I NEVER LEFT YOU!! ♫ 7yo: Okay, Okay… I’m getting dressed. #DadWin

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

Me: Ugh… gross, you got sick everywhere. 7yo: No I didn’t. This was already here. Me: I’d have remember your room covered in puke. You must’ve slept through it. 7yo: No I didn’t. I’m not sick. Me: So how do you explain this mess? 7yo: It was the Vomit Fairy?

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

Me: You’re weird. 8yo: I’m not weird, you’re weird. Me: But it’s June. 4yo: Mickey!, Mickey! 7yo: Menu button, scroll down two columns, click right three times. Me: I know how to find it, you guys are weird. 8yo: Are not, hit “play” Me: *starts Disney Christmas Special*

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

7yo: Hey Dad, watch’ya watching? Me: Streamers playing Fortnite. 7yo: I don’t like that game. Me: Why don’t you like it. Is it beacause of the violence? 7yo: No, it’s the unrealistic construction techniques and excessive building code violations.

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

7yo: Arghh!… Dad, don’t bonk me on the head with a frying pan!! Me: I’m just teasing, I’d never bonk you with a frying pan. It might dent the pan and your Mom would kill me. 7yo: Okay.

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

We’re having a Disney kind of morning… 8yo is only wearing pants 7yo is only wearing a shirt 4yo is dressed, and very goofy

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

7 years ago

8yo: Dad, you’re so weird 7yo: He’s not weird, he’s Dad 8yo: He’s a weird Dad 7yo: …but that’s normal for him. 8yo: Okay. Dad, you’re normal… but you’re so weird for other people.

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

8 years ago

I’ve finally discovered my childrens’ heretofore undiscovered hidden talent: Using their constant gibberish for random password generation! I still have no idea what they’re trying to say, but at least all my online accounts are secure.

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

8 years ago

My 7 year old likes inventing new super heroes, his latest is “Baby Grown-Up”. He has the power to turn into either an adult the size of a new born baby, or a baby that’s the size of a grown man. Thanos better watch out.

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

8 years ago

If there is ever a Parental Olympics I’m sure to win gold in the “Running Butt Change” competition. Scores based on speed of kid, decibel of his screaming, and the size of the horror show going on in the diaper. #boys #pottytraining

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

8 years ago

Me: What pants do you want to wear? 3yo: REAL pants! Me: Okay, what kind of “real” pants? 3yo: Not imaginary pants! Me: We’ve established that, anything else? 3yo: No invisible pants, and they can’t be on fire. Yep, it’s official. All my kids are as weird as me.

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Random Dadisms @RandomDadisms

8 years ago

I swear I’m raising lawyers. “Put it on” is too vague. When I tell the boys to get dressed I now have to specify “Not on your head, not on your brothers head... Put YOUR feet IN YOUR socks, put YOUR sock covered feet IN YOUR shoes, in that order... do not change the order!”