nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

It's true that an apple a day keeps the psychiatrist away. However, what they don't tell you is that you have to have a good aim and to throw it pretty hard. Cupboard Under The Stairs Joined August 2017

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

a week ago

A blue whale's asshole can stretch to approximately 3 feet, making it the second largest asshole next to Starmer.

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

2 years ago

When did Twitter become X?

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The Secret @thesecret

3 years ago

Everything you want is an inside job! The outside world is the world of effects; it’s just the result of thoughts.

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Daniel Farrelly @danielfarrelly

3 years ago

I'm going to start to refer to things that happened before yesterday as Elizabethan, might be useful... Journal: "you agreed to review this paper last week" Me: "yeah but that was during the Elizabethan era, they were different times"

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

3 years ago

I finally found it... rock bottom

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

3 years ago

When I was young, I was scared of the dark. Now, when I see my electric bill, I'm scared of the lights.

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

4 years ago

Diesel £1.68 per litre... £85 to fill the tank. Fill her up and drive off. £50 Court fine. Save £35 per tank. Follow me for more money saving tips 👍👍

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

I've just learnt that a Monster Munch isn't actually a footprint as I spent my entire childhood thinking. They are actual monsters...

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

Bad day today, I failed my driving test on the Highway Code. The examiner said to me, “If you are going down a country road, what signs are you likely to see?" I said, “Eggs for sale, pick your own strawberries and free manure”. I think the manure was a shit answer...

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

How is it the Apollo 13 could sent and receive communication from 1000s of miles out in space without problems given the rudimentary technology available at the time, but @three struggles to connect calls in 2021, even if you were stood next to the damn mask?

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

How on Earth can a funeral home raise its prices and blame it on the the "cost of living"?!

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

If you get a mortgage from a bank, you'll be paying it back for 25 years. If you rob a bank, you'll be out in 10 years. Follow me for more financial advice.

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

Can anyone tell me how I go about cancelling my subscription to 2021? I've tried the month's free trial and decided it's not for me.

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

How can the NHS state that this Covid-19 vaccine is "effective"? It's only just been rolled out, so it's far too soon to make such blatant statements. Secondly, if this vaccine is that effective, then why are we heading for a 3rd lockdown after Christmas?

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

Today's Top Tip: Are you a regular buyer on Amazon? Are the boxes piling up? If you've answered yes, then I have the perfect solution. Put your unwanted junk in the boxes and leave them by your front door. If they later bring them back, report them for flytipping.

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

Did you knock on people's doors as a kid and run away before they had a chance to answer? If so, then working for @Hermesparcels could be the job for you.

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

Warning! If you're called Brian, they're coming for you first...

𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶 @perrigame

5 years ago

Warning! If you're called Brian, they're coming for you first...

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

I won on the Euromillions last tonight, I'm so excited! I've longed to live on a remote and deserted island for a long time, and now my dream can become a reality, so, does anybody know roughly where I could buy one for £2.40?

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nmod episdu @TeeeetOwl

5 years ago

Due to Covid, I've heard that if you have visitors/relatives drop in unexpectedly over Xmas, the police have the power to come round and force people to go home. Is there a website where you can register/apply for this service and is it free or do you have to pay?