Upper Middle Trash @UpprMiddleTrash
The only thing stopping me from being pure white trash is my lack of motivation. favstar.fm/users/UpprMidd… Phoenix, AZ Joined July 2010-
Tweets431
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Followers2K
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Following149
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Likes33
Upper Middle Trash retweeted
Amen!
Upper Middle Trash retweeted
Maybe if you behave yourself, stop lying to undermine a fair election & start thinking of what's good for the country instead of whining about how unfairly you are treated, you'll be invited to sit at the big boy's table. #DiaperDon
Upper Middle Trash retweeted
Work from home they said, it’ll be fine they said.
When my wife is out of town, my laptop sleeps in her spot.
My Grandma died last night. :'( So it's really difficult to masturbate today... but not impossible...
You don't believe in Jesus? Then who do you like to imagine is watching you while you masturbate?
My New Years resolution will be to try not to judge others so harshly. But if you watch the Bachelor, I'll still assume you're trash.
And Kanye West is still alive, Screw you 2016
Me: "I have a sore throat" Doctor: "Well the strep test came back negative, so maybe you should just stop being such a pussy?"
9: "Dad, why can't I be naked?" Me: "People will be offended" 9: "What does offended mean?" Me: "It means getting upset for no good reason"
"Was that a good movie?" "You wouldn't like it, it's more smart humor"
I got sunburned on my neck yesterday and now I'm starting to think dudes with mullets have the right idea.
I just saw this lady at Walmart that was way too hot, like she accidentally wandered in from Target or something.
Upper Middle Trash retweeted
These thin mints are not working.
Upper Middle Trash retweeted
Is it "hold in my poop" or "hold my poop in?" I want this job application to be perfect.
Just checked out the new #Goodwill and it's very nice, they have some nice couches that barely smell of urine.
So isn't #MakingAMurderer pretty much just #Fargo in real life?
I feel like I'm the only true Star Wars fan waiting in line at this theater because I'm the only one dressed as a character in blackface.
8: "Why do I have to dress nice for Santa?" Me: "Because otherwise he'll think you're homeless, and remember, Santa ignores the homeless."
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C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
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Emily ™ @emily_tweets
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Joel Jeffrey @joeljeffrey
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Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
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The Pale Space Rider @truegritrumble
13K Followers 800 Following filled my oxygen tanks with optimism and nearly died https://t.co/9dw96BDWNT
Amanda @ShooguhLipz
3K Followers 4K Following UM alum #MolecularBiology & #Biotech 🧬 #Pharmacy Likes bugs🦠 & drugs💊 Tsundoku📚 Snarkastic™ RT, Like, Follow =/= Endorsement yada yada
Rogue NASA @RogueNASA
558K Followers 461 Following The unofficial "Resistance" team of NASA. Not an official NASA account. Not managed by gov't employees. Come for the facts, stay for the snark.
Gay Horse @gayhorsey
2K Followers 2K Following hay gurl hay I'm probably at brunch or the gym. #1 horse in horstory! Actor seeking management.
That Should Be a T-Sh... @shouldbeonatee
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Hingle McCringleberry @briang623
37 Followers 199 Following You may know me as Joe the Policeman from the 'What's Going Down' episode of That's My Mama.
Gabriella Spencer @gynoson76
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Brian O'Sullivan @osullivanauthor
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Nomes @Nomesy98
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Margo Page @MargoPageArt
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Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
2.2M Followers 1.3M Following Music. Comedy. Fitness. Outrageous!.... I explain in the video here→https://t.co/ieA94HDzQu
Fingers of Fury @Fingers_of_Fury
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Kelly Kelly @kellyskelly
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Rachel 🤍🔮💫 @rfotz87
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