Virtual Oatmeal @VirtualOatmeal
I'm only on here a few minutes each day. Please don't be offended if I don't follow you back instantly. favstar.fm/users/VirtualO… Joined May 2011-
Tweets725
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Followers185
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Following19
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Likes6K
A liquidmetal iPhone brings to mind a T2-style spike that shoots out and pierces my brain through my open mouth...ok I'm sold.
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My only problem with Chick-fil-A is they put books in their kid meals. How in the Hell is my kid supposed to play with a fucking book?
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When a hot girl spells possessive pronouns the right way, I tell her "nice its."
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In a failed attempt at appealing to the more passive members of the gay community, Romney dubs himself “The Catcher’s Mitt.”
@MickSqueak I do not wish to own a theatrical production, I would rather spend the day repeatedly striking instruments of percussion.
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fact: the number of hot pockets boxes in your freezer is equivalent to the number of days it will take for someone to discover your body
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Twitter is helping me realize my fool potential.
Biggest laugh this morning was an inspirational tweet. I think the guy actually believed that shit too.
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The best lesson I learned from my Mom was wrapping my soda can in aluminum foil overnight in the frig to keep it cold during field trips
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Wow I look nothing like you, it's canny.
My superpower is maintaining my appetite throughout my crippling depression.
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"Do you think this is another one of those pyramid schemes?" -an ancient Egyptian slave to another as they're led to a quarry
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I heard "The search is over" by Survivor while waiting in line for coffee and asked the girl behind me if she wanted to couples skate
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