flappy_jacks @_flappyjacks
manufacturing tweets daily or sometimes or whenever this factory feels like pumping them out Dallas, Texas Joined November 2012-
Tweets402
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Followers53
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Following270
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Likes3K
My girlfriend: *is beautiful* *is smart* *supports me relentlessly*
I'm calling it now: Will Smith plays Kobe in the movie
Finding out that strawberries are not in fact berries but bananas, avocados, and pumpkins are has completely ruined my perception of the world
flappy_jacks retweeted
And the whole thing was immortalized forever in a documentary funnyordie.com/2019/3/6/18253…
Toilets at work flush so hard it's like they're trying to send things back in time but you know what toilet you can keep that taco bell I don't want it anymore
Literally everyone: Me: Bob Ross' ball fro must've been legendary
Co-worker: how was your weekend? Me: *screaming internally* Me: good and you?
There's gotta be one guy in the locker room that feels left out bc Tom Brady won't kiss him on the lips
Wow! 4 likes in a single night! So this is what it's like to be famous. Should turn in my two weeks notice tomorrow. No possible way this could fail
What a thrilling professional football sports match -me, tomorrow at work pretending to have watched the game
Half of my time on Twitter is typing and deleting multiple drafts in a sad attempt to craft the perfect tweet only to give up and cry
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