lord eddard snark @binocularcyclop

who put spiders in my applesauce? Joined June 2014

Tweets

2K
Followers

109
Following

236
Likes

3K

Dan White @atdanwhite

5 years ago

This is why my roommates have to lock the door when they take a shower. ☠️

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lord eddard snark @binocularcyclop

5 years ago

@psychedelimeat There was a line

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Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti

5 years ago

Sports are so fucked right now.

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lord eddard snark @binocularcyclop

5 years ago

@ZachSmith_220 I follow this account and have followed this account for a long time, specifically so I can get excited WHENEVER it is that I stop working weekends and nights😒

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🦑 @psychedelimeat

5 years ago

I just saw a shooting star for the first time in my entire life. This is literally the best day of my life. I am over the moon (pun intended)

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Wilde Thingy @wildethingy

5 years ago

I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep EVERYONE away, whatever their profession.

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lord eddard snark @binocularcyclop

5 years ago

@AmandaWells09 that’s the ‘Wells Well & Water Delivery Service’ promise

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Count Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott

8 years ago

[God creating bears] God: people will wanna hug 'em, but you really shouldn't

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The Onion @TheOnion

5 years ago

Without building a proper labyrinth, the half-man half-bull in your backyard could run wild and wreak havoc on your neighborhood. bit.ly/3hK3KW3

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The Dad @thedad

6 years ago

Mama bear: someone’s been sleeping in my bed Papa bear: someone’s been sleeping in MY bed Baby bear: why do you have separate beds?

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goth @gothisonline

6 years ago

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lord eddard snark @binocularcyclop

6 years ago

@ZachSmith_220 bro that’s ACTUALLY what I was eating when I tweeted this stg

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lord eddard snark @binocularcyclop

6 years ago

@Kyle_Hickox11 I have spoken

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The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee

6 years ago

This one went over a lot of people's heads, so allow us to clarify. The joke is that if you think it's ok to cry, you are a pathetic excuse for a man.