explicit mother @explicitmother

profanity-laden content because i can't say it out loud but my children can't read (yet). United States Joined August 2017

Tweets

45
Followers

159
Following

233
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72

explicit mother @explicitmother

7 years ago

Christmas and New Years was basically the chaos of the McAllisters in Home Alone without anyone ever actually having the luxury to be at home alone ever at all.

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Rhyming Mama @sarabellab123

7 years ago

Bitching about my kids online makes it easier to love on them in real life.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

7 years ago

To all those buzzword moms out there who talk about “boundaries” and “toxic relationships”, you can’t get offended when the people you “cut off” stop inviting you to things. You can’t have it both fucking ways.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

I’m so over these “cold shoulder” shirts. Like, what, there’s just a hole in your sleeve?

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

Wearing a banana republic shirt at the bar. Officially middle aged.

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emi.ly @stealyourskates

9 years ago

Things I want in a man -6’4” -Libra -Jewish -Oscar nominated actor -Is Jeff Goldblum

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

If Facebook did screenshot notifications like Snapchat and Instagram do, I’d be in hella trouble.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

If your child hasn’t told you they want a new mommy and daddy when they’re being disciplined, are you even a parent?

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

@AnotherMother2

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

The most productive thing I did today was add aviators to my Bitmoji. Hope everyone is doing better than me.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

@daniellaflame90 I saw my son’s name on one once and it ruined my whole day.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

@printyourpet A customer actually received an order they placed? I didn’t know you guys could do that! Congratulations on your ONE satisfied customer.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

Why does everyone say this? Obviously, the best hangover drinks are orange juice and Gatorade. Water is for peasants who don’t plan ahead for hangovers.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

Anyone else breathe a huge fucking sigh of relief when your kids’ names aren’t on these lists? x.com/popsugarmoms/s…

POPSUGAR Family @POPSUGARMoms

9 years ago

Get ahead of 2018's trends with this list of to-be-popular baby names! popsugar.com/moms/Most-Popu…

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

I swear to God some days I feed my students more than my own children. Parents, imma need you to start sending your child some snacks to school. I can’t afford to be feeding my family AND yours. #teachermom

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

3yo dropped his first F bomb tonight. Surprisingly, not as proud as I thought I would be.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

@modifiedmumma So a playground.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

@modifiedmumma This may be a stupid question but...what exactly is baby sensory? Either we don’t do it here in the US or I’m just a SUPER shitty parent.

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explicit mother @explicitmother

9 years ago

You know those signs that say “Be brave, little one” that people put in nurseries? I need one that says “Calm the fuck down. You’ll bust your ass climbing on that and we don’t have money for an ER copay right now.”