Matt @matt_hill_matt

Joined May 2012

Tweets

44
Followers

25
Following

820
Likes

22

Matt @matt_hill_matt

a month ago

One day a semi hauling product for a major iced tea beverage company named after a southwestern state runs you over nearly killing you. The next day you take the handsome personal injury lawsuit settlement money and use it to reverse your aging at a molecular level. Thats life.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

a month ago

*whispers* Come with me today as we're going to undo 39 years of cellular decay by visiting a biotech reprogramming facility to rebuild my tissues and reverse epigentic damage.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

I've got a lot of unique breakfast ideas for a trendy brunch joint: Breakfast calzones Jerk scrambled eggs Breakfast lasagna I'll think of some more tomorrow.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Baseball players always think God helps them hit home runs, but they never suspect that Satan caused their errors.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Excited to check out the Newport 100s popup at @ReplayLincolnPa tonight!

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

People hate when mad scientists "play God", but cant wait for males and females to give it a try.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

"Bunny ears" used to be a great way to humiliate friends in photographs.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Trying out the app Chauffeur tonight. It's like Uber, but when the car shows up, you drive and the driver sits in the back seat.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Trick or treat is America's favorite threat

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Every job is looking for someone that's detail-oriented. What about big picture people? Bad at data entry, amazing at saving the world. Might be a pretty good hire, eh HR?

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Why the hell is every plastic chair covered in water after I sit on it

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

What we really need is a Listener of the House 💖

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Sports teams should hold an "only fans" night. No teams, no players. Only fans sitting around lookin at nothin.

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Matt @matt_hill_matt

3 years ago

Erbody want their picture w Santa, but hes just a glorified delivery boy. Elves taught themselves to make game systems and drones and whatnot and nobody cares about those guys.