SimZsurvivor @simet9
Habitual thinker, and Surrealist Imagineer. It's the sobriety that causes madness. Lost in thought Joined May 2009-
Tweets9K
-
Followers343
-
Following1K
-
Likes3K
SimZsurvivor retweeted
I'm confused, if I have an erection that lasts more than 4 hours is the doctor for me or you?
11
242
408
0
0
View Details
SimZsurvivor retweeted
He gently wiped away her tears.. .. and her eyebrows too.
The only one who seems to give a shit when I drink coffee is my asshole.
Life is all about knowing when to fold, or crumple the t.p. You never know what kind of shit life will throw at you.
@normmacdonald If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Seeing more cracks in the reflection, than the mirror.
It's always nice going commando on a nice warm day, until you get the shits & realize coffee with the taco bell wasn't such a good idea.
Pretty sure I mostly enjoy twitter because all my own jokes make me laugh.
SimZsurvivor retweeted
*takes burrito to the prom*
SimZsurvivor retweeted
"Nobody cares what your kid did at school today" - me, drunk, about to get unfriended on Facebook
My spirit animal is a sloth with five limbs.
I don't even trust my asshole on April 1st.
If stupid had a retarded little redheaded stepbrother, I'd be him.
SimZsurvivor retweeted
If vaginas were avocados, yours would be considered guac.
Esperanza @Esperan25394176
49 Followers 1K Following
Jonathan Holmes ✝�... @jonleeholmes91
783 Followers 5K Following Yo; carpe diem..... sc: jonholmie91
Kalan @kalan1109
54 Followers 542 Following
True Blue ❤️🧡�... @jenksed4ever
2K Followers 4K Following Living the Liberal life, surrounded by Bluegrass and Republicans. #TheResistance #8645
Mattias Larsson @TheMattexD
3 Followers 273 Following
Seasons Bali @seasonsbali
771 Followers 2K Following Seasons is a rehabilitation program, providing treatment to executives & professionals suffering from drug and alcohol problems.
Oreo Free Samples @PrattSanora
307 Followers 4K Following Get A FREE Sample Pack Of Oreo Cookies! Go To https://t.co/iK0C7QpHZZ And Enter Your Details!
nasteh ahmed @nastah12
18 Followers 243 Following
Ruth's Chris PDX @Ruths_ChrisPDX
71 Followers 325 Following
Dax Max Forever @DaxMaxForever
102K Followers 117K Following I create what I feel. [email protected] for pricing and availability.
Papichulo @ramirezsimeon1
8 Followers 141 Following
งiຖ໐ ๓໐໐�... @Llamatr0n
365 Followers 385 Following Politics. Cats. Other random stuff. You can unfollow literally everyone else now. Lover of being intentionally obtuse on the internet. Pronouns: Taxation/Theft
Nerd World @NerdWorld_
157 Followers 795 Following Bringing you all your geek-loving needs in one Twitter account!
Sonia Laurence @laurence_sonia
92 Followers 392 Following Watching birds has become part of my daily meditation, affirming my connection to the Earth body.-Carol P. Christ
Robert daveeverwhats @RobertRobbob217
281 Followers 1K Following grudges bears hates fitba can chat scouse.
Baddies and Cuties @BadgalCuties
1K Followers 2K Following Sexy, beautiful women and all the cuties - If I quote tweet you, I'd hit that. It's a compliment.
BananaRaisin @bananabean
3K Followers 4K Following They told me I wouldn't amount to anything, so I amounted to 140 characters.
Monstrum ❤️ $BLOC... @pingismonstra
12K Followers 14K Following #nft #nftartist #nftcollector #crypto $portal @Portalcoin
Jeff Goldblum Facts @Goldblum_Facts
4K Followers 1K Following Tweeting all known facts about world-class actor Jeff Goldblum.
_ZEROYAL PUNTED CUNT ... @SaraESpivey
20K Followers 2K Following When it all comes down to it...Im funnier than u. If u dont like me, kick rocks. Casey Lee owns me.
The Weed Monster @thaweedmonster
543 Followers 1K Following And the Earth brought forth grass, and herb yeilding seed... and god saw that it was good.
JOHNNY KAUFMAN @pdxjohnny99
25K Followers 20K Following You can learn a lot about a person by reading their bio. https://t.co/PysKNT1bwe https://t.co/7z9w6ijSOI?
George Wakenbake @GeorgeWakenbake
102K Followers 37K Following President of the United States of Amerijuana
George W Kush @georgeW_kush420
19K Followers 23K Following ONE MAN, UNDER BUDS, WITH LIBERTY, AND LEGALIZATION FOR ALL! (the real George Kush) 18+ #COLORBLIND #WEALLMATTER
Dreamer @ElgatoEsmio
21K Followers 15K Following I don’t swirl wine because I’m sophisticated I do it because I can barely stand. IG @elgatoesmio
Olive Elizabeth ⚔�... @OneWonderWoman
12K Followers 5K Following 💪🏼 NPC Amateur Figure Competitor 🏠 House Flipper 🎨 Artist ✏️ Designer 💕 Mom 🐾 Dog Lover 🪴 Crazy Plant Lady 📷 IG: 13BlackOlives
Adhika Dantesia @powohubemeb
138 Followers 1K Following I love my family and I really really love @juliancamarena ❤️ Belieber, Camarena
KMA @OnceJayde
7K Followers 6K Following Delusional's The Default Setting -Sarcasm Has Saved My Life https://t.co/yI05NDlywM Orrrr- https://t.co/LqYffkmdRB
TheDiaryofDaniel @DiaryofDaniel
47K Followers 47K Following Live, work, & play in the SF Bay. 🌉 | 📣 Go Mizzou.🐅 …..On a walkabout. Be right back.😎✌️
Dr Simon R R Atkins @DrSimonAtkins
16K Followers 18K Following CEO / Climate Risk Economist, Advanced Forecasting Corporation. Founding Director https://t.co/7SH8mxp1Fc: Divergent Thinking Investment Consulting ... connecting intel
sal calanni @salcalanni
12K Followers 11K Following Comedian, truth teller, lactose intolerant italian.
Rosette Kubalek @RosetteKubalek
168 Followers 725 Following Seeing a guy play with little kids is the most attractive thing ever.
dari AI @iDariiAI
48K Followers 38K Following
Breezus @commandomondayz
526 Followers 1K Following Conceited. Jamaican/Irish. Demon. I'll pour my beer on your baby. Follow my Hubs @nonsensepopants.
Alison Wonderland @goooodvibesonly
33K Followers 20K Following How pretty you are determines how much of your nonsense people will put up with so I'm allowed to be mildly bitchy and medium stupid.
Edward Snowden @Snowden
5.5M Followers 1 Following I used to work for the government, but now I work for the public.
Steak 'n Shake @SteaknShake
483K Followers 77 Following Home of the Original Steakburger, Homemade Milkshakes, and Beef Tallow Fries 🍔🥤🍟
Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump
111.8M Followers 53 Following 45th & 47th President of the United States of America🇺🇸
Emma Watson @EmmaWatson
23.6M Followers 355 Following
Scott Menville @scottmenville
23K Followers 131 Following actor. voice actor. punk rock peaceful warrior.
Khary Payton @kharypayton
188K Followers 1K Following You think you've seen or maybe heard me from somewhere. Ezekiel/Cyborg etc. -@kharypayton on IG he/him
Renelly Morel @NellyMorel
3K Followers 1K Following Trailblazer | Currently @Nextdoor | Latina 🇩🇴| Formerly @twitter @essenceglobal & @Ubisoft FragDolls | Superhost @airbnb | Cello student 🎻
Renee Paquette @ReneePaquette
1.1M Followers 2K Following Proud supporter of the Canadian Tuxedo. @aew
Plants vs. Zombies @PlantsvsZombies
329K Followers 134 Following Follow us or we'll eat your braaaainz... https://t.co/YkEI9f1OpJ Includes optional In-game purchases.
Wood Rocket @Wood_Rocket
13K Followers 1K Following Official WoodRocket Twitter. Apparel, books, novelties and more! Posts by Vuko 💙
John DiMaggio @TheJohnDiMaggio
153K Followers 2K Following King Zøg, Bender, Jake, Marcus, & other fun stuff. #IKTV (@iamkatemiller is ma wife.❤️)
Kaleigh miner @kaleigh_miner
3 Followers 1 Following
tara strong @tarastrong
397K Followers 21K Following Miss Minutes thinks u 💙 Timmy Turner, or Bubbles? Raven? Harley? Baby Dil? Twilight? Batgirl?! Pick one or Miss Collins will give you Big Time Homework
Coronavirus Updates @monicalamendoza
124K Followers 9K Following Keeping you updated on the USA COVID-19 tour.
Electric Playground @epdailytv
13K Followers 5K Following The first and best TV series about the videogame industry, now served daily with more cool info about the entertainment and tech that gamers love.
Victor Lucas @Victor_Lucas
30K Followers 2K Following I make TV about games & cool stuff. Lucky husband & father! https://t.co/s2WQlktRb6 | https://t.co/RwffDWPsAV | https://t.co/x9MFXRO510 | https://t.co/dc9hbg2MVO
IVORY ELLA @shopivoryella
290K Followers 446 Following We exist to make a change, not a profit. Make your fashion stand for something. Save the elephants🐘
Ana Spoke @SpokeAna
44K Followers 31K Following #Author /unbridled enthusiast https://t.co/xn4dDEx0vW #ComedyBookWeek: https://t.co/v66st1KrUv Best: https://t.co/WWM6zSo39Q
Gourmet Italian @ItalianGrocery
87K Followers 66K Following 🇮🇹 Savor Italian tradition with a fresh California twist. Timeless recipes with fresh ingredients for modern kitchens. Mangia bene! 🍅
4L @FOURSEASNSxLAUR
7K Followers 2K Following
ComicBook NOW! @ComicBookNOW
216K Followers 8K Following The leading source of news on comic books, movies, TV shows and all things
Samantha Haack @SamanthaRae49
13K Followers 150 Following I'll do something really cool someday. If you follow me now you can tell all your friends you knew me before I did whatever it is I will someday do.
Rogue1-the Jeff Faria... @PatriotsOfMars
124K Followers 51K Following I'm Jeff's brother, the Rogue. ❉ #MAGA ❉The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls...and Twitter.❉ 'Patriots of Mars' is available at Amazon ❉
Tiina @wilmaturope
938 Followers 738 Following
ugh* @heatherlou_
31K Followers 3K Following proud mommy and original gangsta. toad and football. https://t.co/pD5ViXWnTB
Ariel Rebel @ArielRebel
138K Followers 184 Following Multi-disciplinary artist. French 🇨🇦 now living & creating in 🇨🇭
Ron Swanson @ReaIRonSwanson
39K Followers 6 Following If you need honor to be defined, then you do not have it. Feel free to DM tweet suggestions! @ReaILeslieKnope @ReaITomHford @ReaIAndyDwyer
Charlie Sheen @SirCharIieSheen
2K Followers 276 Following 'When It Doesn't Matter How Much the Drinks Cost, It's Always Happy Hour' || I Say What I Want || Real Truth & Wisdom ♛ Charlie Sheen Satire
MykeIsNotHere @MykeLeTauris
3K Followers 2K Following Belgian beer drinkin, bong hittin Milliner & Nanny. Slayer of Pokémon & Boob Cancer @NowImHere.bsky.social https://t.co/9uXBuMx0Mt
Purdue University Nor... @PurdueUNW
14K Followers 5K Following Off-brand University. 🤡 Mildly-endowed. A parody account. All tweets are jokes… for legal reasons. Not racist: I have a black friend.
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
21K Followers 2K Following *twirls hair* *stares off into space* IG: xvickycx https://t.co/wUm58gfxXm
NotaRedAngel @countrybredred
10K Followers 3K Following It is what it is or is it? Fuck if i know. http://t.co/N0J5vkvTV5@_NTFG_
16K Followers 13K Following @_NTFG_ is temporarily unavailable because it violates the X Hateful Profile policy.
ghost mom @radtoria
18K Followers 687 Following
ChicagoDMG @ChicagoDMG
13K Followers 1K Following Artist. Photo-Realism. Tattoo Design. Gamer. Chicago Sports Fanatic.
Not Active!! @KirstenCatClub
2K Followers 330 Following new profile is @YupKirsten : https://t.co/HEPXRRdrNF
jen @thebadjenn
9K Followers 2K Following Graveyard of an everlasting love cut short by the pitfalls of human beings. DYWTYLM
thoughts @thegoatcircle
4.7M Followers 150 Following join the community! 🔔 helping you unlock your best self, one tweet at a time.
𝓡𝓮𝓷 @clairesbooty
3K Followers 256 Following ART & OTHERSHIT ☼ there is a fire in my soul i can’t control // aries ☉ virgo ☽ gemini ↑
Keith Myers @KeithMyers
56K Followers 7 Following I wear shoes and pants. Sometimes I don't wear pants. I love house music, race cars, and often make this face: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
fingerbangs @fingerbangs
3K Followers 515 Following don't put your fucken finger in my mouth when i'm yawningYou might like
illaided
@illaided
446 Followers
Bos'n Mate
@Bosnsmate
432 Followers
...
@vanswaggins
878 Followers
The Kuel Dad
@1kueldad
2K Followers
Bryan Burke
@Burke62
727 Followers
Crom1984
@Crom1984
238 Followers