Deathbyacademicbureaucracy @waybeyondkafka

Mid career drone tweeting bizarre instances of real academic bureaucracy which have raised my heart rate. Kafka wasn't inventive enough to work here A university, England Joined May 2021

Tweets

492
Followers

191
Following

672
Likes

93

John B. Holbein @JohnHolbein1

a year ago

The academic job market in the good ol' days vs the academic job market today.

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Zachary Levenson @grundrza

a year ago

You with your fancy Zotero v. me manually inputting every bibliographic reference ever

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For those of you doing PhDs that need to hear it: your dissertation is an exam *not* a published book & totalising perfection *is* the enemy of the good & the great. If this reminder is helpful, do pass it on.

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Associate Deans @ass_deans

a year ago

We appreciate your department’s mentoring plan, but asking junior faculty repeatedly if they have finished “that paper” may not be as helpful as you think it is.

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Associate Deans @ass_deans

a year ago

Rather than fix the errors in your form (which we could easily do), we are sending it back to you to fix. We’ll point out new errors when you resubmit.

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John Attridge @John_Attridge

a year ago

This paper aims to make a major contribution to our understanding of a problem which I have invented

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Andrew W. Wilkins @andewilkins

a year ago

Fast academia is toxic and should not be celebrated. It makes people sick and transforms a vocation into something vocational. Write fewer things and enjoy what you write. Focus on novelty over quantity. Learn from and support each other.

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noam chompers @NoamChompers

a year ago

One of the archetypes I am perennially fascinated by is the academic who doesn’t really have it substantively, but learns to be super adroit at the manner, the shape of the moves, the tone of voice, etc. I love to watch how effective that can be

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Hadas Weiss @weiss_hadas

a year ago

"would you give my paper a quick read, see if there’s anything more i could do?" the paper:

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Fan Li @FanLiDuke

a year ago

Twitter academia: 1. I am happy to announce xx (whatever trivial) 2. I am thrilled/excited that xx (papers, grants, promotion) 3. I am honored that xx ("awards" in all senses) Adding to that list now: "How I publish xx papers in x years" What next? How I become god?

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Neil Renic @NC_Renic

a year ago

Biden refusing to make way for a promising youngster despite being completely over the hill. He’d have made an excellent academic

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Alexander Bartelt @BarteltLab

a year ago

In the first 6 months of 2024 our lab peer-reviewed 40 manuscripts. Underestimating we spent 4 h per MS, this makes 160 h pro bono work. If we charged the publishers, this would amount to a decent salary for a PhD student. Happy weekend!

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John Attridge @John_Attridge

a year ago

My body count? You mean the number of paragraphs between my introduction and my conclusion?

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Associate Deans @ass_deans

a year ago

So you can’t “do service work” in the summer because you’re “not under contract.” That’s fine — but we also can’t credit research you do in the summer or publications that come out in the summer because you aren’t under contract!

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Deathbyacademicbureaucracy @waybeyondkafka

a year ago

Of course authorizing a £200 expenditure via email isn't robust enough....I would be delighted to fill in a 3 page badly constructed Word form and add my e-signature. Every little helps

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Neil Renic @NC_Renic

a year ago

Flight attendant: "Can we check in this bag?" Academic: "Absolutely not, it contains the 2 books and 4 articles I will read, and 30 student essays I will grade, on this 3 hour flight"

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Deathbyacademicbureaucracy @waybeyondkafka

a year ago

It's our "duty of care" to staff to make you reapply to be an authorized driver twice a year and has absolutely nothing to do with discouraging people from claiming mileage expenses. You will need to input 7 different documents and sacrifice your soul. But remember, we care❤️