Better Withbacon @BWithbacon
A comedy alter ego, to make me laugh and to promote standup comedians. Also bad syfy movie aficionado favstar.fm/users/BWithbac… Fantasy Island, Florida USA Joined May 2012-
Tweets23K
-
Followers1K
-
Following2K
-
Likes11K
Better Withbacon retweeted
Dear Karen, No your server is not hitting on your husband. No she is not trying to steal your boyfriend. No she is not purposely avoiding you. No she is not drunk. No she is not showing more cleavage at your table than others. Unless her name is Jessica.
5
24
186
0
1
View Details
Better Withbacon retweeted
I’ve never seen the devil, but I have seen someone walk past a please wait to be seated sign, walk up to a dirty booth and move everything onto a clean table before asking for a cloth.
@phileagle_ I refuse to let mine go. Go team cooking with no spatula
Better Withbacon retweeted
Do you think Walk-Ins just think we all found a new place to cry?
Breaking news Dez Bryant has caught covid-19... dont worry upon further review he dropped it.
I just want to thank whoever convinced balding guys to shave their widows peaks for the "edged" look for the hours of laughter they've provided me...
Me: I've got Amazon prime now, so many great original shows to watch Also me: what they have Psych? Cancel my plans for the weekend
Better Withbacon retweeted
I saw this on instagram last night and it physically assaulted me
In miami news, local high school girls are being prepped on how to handle when someone sneaks up behind you naked and masturbates
Women acting like mansplaining is something we only do to them. Ladies get the PhD version compared to how we talk to each other
What if blackheads are really our ampullae of Lorenzini and we just forgot how to sense electricity with them?
@DarreNinNC Who knows how long I'll be back
What happens if Karen discovers white claw?
Things said by my roommate... Remember when mufasa presented Jesus to the people on pride rock at Christmas?
I feel like nobody at my work appreciates the effort it takes to talk in the Batman voice all day
Sorry the old me can't come to the phone right now The old me is drunk
Is being 42 and single with 3 dogs the same thing as a man as being a crazy cat lady? Asking for friend with 2 dogs looking at rescue pups
Pro tip. Don't snort coke off the plate you cut the habeneros on earlier without washing it
I am way to excited that I got my dogs to master a new trick after only 2 months of trying
Ivsy @Ivsy01
37K Followers 8K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
69K Followers 15K Following
AlvaClement @Vq2yGKS9UCeL6
37 Followers 4K Following
joselyn banks @joselynabbyw
1K Followers 7K Following SEXY ASS F***k. book your section for body masseuse. 👅👁️🧴
Sasheachoo @sasheachoo63467
28 Followers 1K Following I live alone now and enjoy business, traveling, shopping, food and music. I have a calm personality and I hope we can be friends.
the_italianbombshell�... @OtakuSauce712
589 Followers 1K Following ARMY!!Terminally ill-But alive 2day! #AllSickSucks...I'm fragile.... No, not like a 🌺🌼Flower-Like a Bomb💣💣 🔗https://t.co/jvph4Xnhol…
ImFredCarter @ImFredCarter1
10 Followers 249 Following Purveyor of sally waggery and dumb jokes. Here to enjoy the spoils of Twitter.
Brandon hey buddy Yan... @Brandon_Yancey
80 Followers 388 Following just a GenXer tired of all the bullshit.
gIVE Movie @movie_give
389 Followers 2K Following in between selfishness and selflessness a father travels through loss in the avantgaurd independent movie gIVE
Lizbitch0099#2 @Elizabe91536401
37 Followers 213 Following I hate u probably already, but this is fun and I'll still follow u. I'm a stalker in real life Hi. Professional hula hooper
LizbitchFatalLoveStor... @Liz80655817
196 Followers 590 Following Stalker in real life. I probably hate you already, but this is fun.
The Retweet King @TheRetweetKing2
199 Followers 703 Following
Carolyn Ellis @capfantastic
25K Followers 25K Following Philosopher, Enterprising, Philanthropist, Music Enthusiast, Lover Of The Macabre, Purveyor of Sarcasm.
SingleBabyMama @_SingleBabyMama
29K Followers 4K Following Mom to the most amazing not so little human! https://t.co/WSVzjzd1NJ) #fuckcancer
sneak316 @grandmaster2575
1K Followers 5K Following
Barry.RomeJr.FL owes @Letsseebrjr
19 Followers 380 Following
nestor munguia @nestormunguia2
426 Followers 481 Following Just an average mexican looking for his place in this world
~EuphoricXAllure~ @EuphoricXAllure
29 Followers 51 Following
the funny jesus @jokemessiah
366 Followers 944 Following I'm on a mission from the big cheese himself. #supportlivecomedy
Rαη∂σм Hєяσ @randomhero997
2K Followers 3K Following middle aged dude/happily married to a beautiful woman/two kids/beer enthusiast/burger addict/live a strange existence and make fun of it here
Mark Makoski @MarkMakoski
67 Followers 384 Following
Wendy Bird @hot_sauce0620
69 Followers 110 Following The recreated account of @Hotsauce0620 I promise I'll remember my password this time.@ZoeFlirts
386 Followers 233 Following @ZoeFlirts is temporarily unavailable because it violates the X Hateful Profile policy.@milfOrama69
15 Followers 76 Following @milfOrama69 is temporarily unavailable because it violates the X Hateful Profile policy.
Happy_Red_Scarlet @ortizx4
310 Followers 639 Following A bipolar redhead... Well that should sum it up.
audra yancey @ayancey1966
38 Followers 454 Following
Cynthia Bacon @MomLovesCruisin
274 Followers 278 Following As a travel professional, my goal is to help my clients feel comfortable, confident and excited about their upcoming adventure.
Jen Cleverdon @mexiczechchick
101 Followers 131 Following Mother, Teacher, on my way to being a cancer survivor
tbyrd @byrdtwitten
64 Followers 249 Following freelancer? Sounds good. Of addictions maybe..was(@crazyforcowboys) 1 yr ago & @Thinksitup
Wendy @wendyboulton72
183 Followers 751 Following
davievtec69 @Davievtec69
16 Followers 131 Following Name is davie gives a follow if you feel the need to cheers
Paper Champions @_PaperChampions
565 Followers 842 Following The Paper Champions is a MMA/Comedy Radio show hosted by Comedian @KrisTinkle and Comedy Writer @Jshebs Based out of NYC.
The Smokehouse @dbcrapwell
307 Followers 576 Following Ellipsis enthusiast... Locally known for my hanging meat... FUCK STAN KROENKE...
queens rodella @Rodella_Romarez
101 Followers 756 Following
Timptation @timothynut
362 Followers 2K Following
Bee You Now @beeyounowprojct
2K Followers 4K Following A #movement to assist others in learning the truest forms of their selves. #beeyounow #beeyourself #beyou #anywhereintheworld #behuman
timmy @ttimmydee
6 Followers 39 Following
chunk @chunkdotcom
124 Followers 778 Following LA start-up,web news, hilarity. You prolly don't know us, but we're kinda famous.
LilBitCraZ @SkyeLynn918
82 Followers 212 Following
Joe Scully @rodeoannouncer
12K Followers 13K Following Official account for Int'l ProRodeo & Live Event Announcer, Action Sport DJ, Standup Comedian & Marketing Consultant Joe Scully https://t.co/Jhx7cn3GYs
AdventureScout @AdventureScout1
369 Followers 968 Following This is for those who love adventures. This is the right place even if you are very much experienced with adventure or just willing to begin.
SummerzEstN76 @SummerLynne76
956 Followers 995 Following BLACK **WHITE **NATIVE AMERICAN **ASIAN🐉~I'm An Original Blend***$$ i Paint &Create&Construct ***MOTHER-ARTIST-HERBALIST-REALIST......NEVER DUMB DOWN💯
Ivsy @Ivsy01
37K Followers 8K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
69K Followers 15K Following
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 9K Following omnipresent in absentia perchance frittering my time away on... here. .•| sui juris |•.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
24K Followers 9K Following You'll never find more people smoking than outside of a hospital 🇨🇦 https://t.co/NcqURETrPU
Alex Boeder @alexboeder
7K Followers 234 Following 2012-2020: Milwaukee Bucks writer at https://t.co/20aajLZD4y for @bucks. 2007-2012: Co-founder and writer at https://t.co/Tmfs3PWewI for @brewhoop.
Giannis Antetokounmpo @Giannis_An34
3.5M Followers 11 Following NBA Athlete. For business inquiries, please contact [email protected]
Blockbuster @blockbuster
231K Followers 1K Following The official Twitter feed for Blockbuster US. Follow us for updates and promos for all US Blockbuster fans.
Rachel Tietz @RachelTietz
9K Followers 309 Following
Malcolm Ray ✌🏿 @MalcolmtheRay
22K Followers 526 Following Voice Actor/Actor #sagaftra @StewartTalent @ChannelAwesome BlackSandsEntertainment on IG @LackadaisyCats (Nicodeme/JJ) @TOMERPG @ChuckyChickn DM for business!
Tamara Lynn Chambers @TamaraLChambers
28K Followers 442 Following she/her. Actor✨Black Lives Matter ✨Mostly on here to talk about twitch. @gfuelenergy Ambassador - use code AIRBUD
Channel Awesome @ChannelAwesome
72K Followers 224 Following Official Twitter for Channel Awesome & Nostalgia Critic YouTube - https://t.co/zwOSIhd2tE Twitch - https://t.co/51MIqvFQr4 Instagram - https://t.co/sOAPCYqiRL
Honest Restaurant Man... @phileagle_
9K Followers 287 Following From Relationships to Restaurants and everything in between.
jacqueline @aquajacqueline
406 Followers 1K Following
Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente
3.9M Followers 2K Following I invented Barstool Sports. 6 time Super Bowl champ. Owner of #DDTG Global. Owner of https://t.co/2YkZbnXWGa A DraftKings Man.
Carolyn Ellis @capfantastic
25K Followers 25K Following Philosopher, Enterprising, Philanthropist, Music Enthusiast, Lover Of The Macabre, Purveyor of Sarcasm.
gⓗⓓ @GingerHotDish
59K Followers 6K Following @MomOnFire is my people. #FuckCancer Recent tweets👉🏻https://t.co/KE6DLThmgR
Danica McKellar @danicamckellar
163K Followers 395 Following Mark your 🗓 for "The Christmas Yes List" Sat Nov 14th at 8pmET on @gafamily! 🎄 Get my fun @mckellarmath books to help your kids in math 🙌🎬
༻ 𝐂 𝐍𝐨 ༺ @herprettybones
116K Followers 14K Following A little funny. A little feisty. Always chaos. Tall AF. #BillsMafia
Kung Fu Kanga @_little_old_me
21K Followers 3K Following Kangaroo attack survivor. Light up sneaker enthusiast.
SingleBabyMama @_SingleBabyMama
29K Followers 4K Following Mom to the most amazing not so little human! https://t.co/WSVzjzd1NJ) #fuckcancer
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
52K Followers 6K Following Gen Xer with opinions, observations, and a sense of humor. @bitedraft coming soon.
K. Creek @sgrstk
93K Followers 61 Following Writer. Creator. Instigator. Dad, but not your dad. I wrote "Speech Therapy," "Fucking History," and the "Feel Free to Quote Me" series.
Katie K ✧ @k8ieokay
6K Followers 372 Following artist/designer ↟ weirdo ↟ plant lady ↟ animal & nature lover ↟ trying to find my balance ♡ 🇨🇦🌲✨ ⇉ art account: @artbyktk
𝖏 𝖎 𝖑 𝖑 �... @jillkargman
64K Followers 646 Following odd mom out on @peacocktv + INFLUENCED on @appletv
sammyk8 @sammyk8
21 Followers 290 Following
MaryJaneHathaway @MaryVirgGinny
713 Followers 364 Following Scribbler at the kitchen counter who dodges toddlers, force-hugs tweens, and fakes the complicated steps of the paso doble.
KeelyElaineWeston @deela18
380 Followers 1K Following
Linna @Lexxivy
4K Followers 3K Following
miamiemi @miamiemi
580 Followers 792 Following city girl lost in a small town. Godless heathen and humanist. follow at your own risk https://t.co/t3GUphkXGp
Randi Lawson @RandiLawson
21K Followers 494 Following My motto would be YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO TAN OR TOO THIN if it wasn't already YOU CAN NEVER WATCH TOO MUCH TV
Lynn Bixenspan @lynnbixenspan
7K Followers 2K Following Comedian (Comedy Central, MTV), writer. Most importantly, died on Celebrity Ghost Stories. Also: horror movies.
Mz. Selener Cuban @Bbrrysurprise
3K Followers 1K Following I hate blueberries and surprises. 🏳️🌈 super gay! They/them
KangaRufio @Topangaroo
25K Followers 19K Following Do you ever wonder why your life is so hard, and then you're like "Oh, that's right. I'm an idiot"?
Loki @loki_god_of_fun
9K Followers 3 Following re my parking ticket I would like to invoke trial by combat please (all tweets are from a butt fone) I am the highest paid sperm donor in America after Donald.
L @sarcasticleigh
635 Followers 963 Following Im an expert at all things involving glitter, coffee, and napping.
Poptart ☀️ @ShawtySouth
16K Followers 14K Following Short Bus Window Licker, Tater Tot Connoisseur, Goonies Never Say Die. https://t.co/iW1wCyPjQ4 https://t.co/zD57Tbzdmw
Shiovani @LilliVonBron
203 Followers 681 Following Teacher, life learner, spiritual, keeping it simple, keeping it real, smiling big, laughing until it hurts, passion that goes cardio, music soothes my soul!
Rabbit Sweet @brabbitsweet
513 Followers 2K Following PTSDer, ADHDer, thought I had it together...Deviant forever-Listens? Never.
Buyergirl @Buyergirl882
3K Followers 4K Following “But it’s no use now, to pretend to be two people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!” - Alice in Wonderland
Lucy @2smokinguns
69 Followers 169 Following Love shootin my guns! Love workin out! T25 starts now! 8/19/14 Its just life, DO IT! DONT REGET IT!
MotherTeresa @tjvanguilder
1K Followers 1K Following They say I'm up and coming like I'm fuckin in an elevator. People jack off with the left hand and point with the right. Texas.
MelanysGuydlines ® @Melanyb12
22K Followers 16K Following Snarky, blogger. #Snarky is witty but younger & better looking. @ShortyAwards Winner, @UArizona board member/lecturer 🐻⬇️.CEO of my blog & dog @sirteddybrewski
P to the J @miss_peejay
6K Followers 5K Following Expert eye roller and competative napper. #GoPackGo 💚💛💚You might like
Sillipudi
@Sillipudi
2K Followers
VV.gale
@vikivale1313
2K Followers
🌎
@TeflonPawn
4K Followers