Chris Martin @ChrisMartinCom
Median comedian. Anomic comic. I don't always drink beer but when I do, it's with an underpaid alligator. Decatur, GA Joined October 2016-
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Tiki torch jokes are now tacky torch jokes
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Come see me and 7 other local comics this Sunday 9pm at the @punchlinecomedy Sunday Night Comedy Festival, hosted by @lacelarrabee
Chris Martin retweeted
Getting a few tweets from people who don't quite get sarcasm. They actually think I would shoot a giraffe. Maybe they're new to Twitter :)
On May 31, Atlanta should host an I-85 reopening party and serve a lot of cocaine. Also anyone who shows up is never allowed near 85 again.
Chris Martin retweeted
I've purchased the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
Chris Martin retweeted
"Is that your son? Jesus Christ!" #RicklesInHeaven
Chris Martin retweeted
"Oh great, Churchill and Capote are here tonight. Sorry folks, we're all out of scotch!" #RicklesInHeaven
BREAKING: Trump to replace Bannon with a can of Pepsi.
Me at the Punchline Comedy Club yesterday: youtu.be/YxCf9wHkgtY
TONIGHT: Me and 9 other local comedians at 9pm at the @punchlinecomedy Finale of the Sunday night comedy festival facebook.com/events/6387760…
Chris Martin retweeted
My wife's snarky thought for today: "I guess some Republican men can pull out before they finish."
Chris Martin retweeted
We will immediately repeal and replace ObamaCare - and nobody can do that like me. We will save $'s and have much better healthcare!
Trying to having a kid means having the epiphany that for 20 years you've been a compulsive condom purchaser
Tell me about the voices in your head. The voices in my head like to do impressions and they need new material
Me: I didn't think I would win this round of the Punchline comedy festival My mother: Yes, I didn't think you would win either
My bracket is doing poorly. I had the Seven Founders of the Servite Order beating St. Patrick
"How could people vote for someone so inexperienced when they could have chosen Hillary?" I said while walking past 2 taxis to get an Uber
@ChrisMartinCom Sadly, that Chris Martin died in 2015 @ChrisComedy
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