Nigel @NigelGrinstead
How do I make this account private? Joined March 2011-
Tweets6K
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Followers2K
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Following701
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Likes5K
[watching a stand-up clip on reels] Wow, someone give this guy a self-produced comedy special financed entirely out of his own pocket and posted on his personal youtube channel with 15 subscribers.
When I die, put my ashes in an urn and then cross-section it in slow motion so it looks delicious.
Maybe the real spotify wrapped was the friends we made along the way.
Begging my ears to stop feasting on 4 entire genres.
Men truly believe there is no age limit on turning your hat backwards and being cool again.
Whenever a drummer counts a band into a song I'm like ok so that's the daddy.
Somewhere between ants and beetles bugs go from being "little guys" to "big fucks".
The worst part about eating in a restaurant is you can't take your shirt off when it starts to get real.
Gen Z will never know the pain of doinking your head off a wall, growing a big ol' bruise noodle, and having someone bink a horseshoe onto it.
Elon Musk going to get some ribs removed so he can Zuck himself off.
Elon Musk going to get some ribs removed so he can Zuck himself off.
TW: Great Investment Strategy If you run out of water you can drink piss and it's the same.
My brain after I've had a few beers and have the audacity to consume a single shot of liquor.
My brain after I've had a few beers and have the audacity to consume a single shot of liquor.
They should invent thoughts in your mind that wait their turn.
Slowly filling my pants in the middle seat at Cirque du Soleil so I don't get up and take someone "out of the moment".
Favorite online interaction right now is when someone posts AI art and a commenter goes "amazing art!" and they go "thank you."
My grandma told me I should "just buy a house" and also that she has "heard of" Toberlones.
🚨 TONIGHT 🚨 Come see Toronto’s best comics at @comedybar bring their A game and Get That on Tape! 🎥 🎞️ April 27th • 8pm @ALVALcomedy @NigelGrinstead @jarrettcampbell @stephbabyneale @metalcomedy 🎟️: comedybar.ca/shows/get-that…
What do you mean "oversharing" I haven't even got to the worst part
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Last night I told an xmen joke and a spiderman joke in my set.
I’m sorry all of these names are Elden Ring mini bosses
the best part about being in a ton of 2023 pregnancy/baby groups is getting to see all the absolutely wretched names parents are coming up with these days. here are some highlights i’ve collected
Halifax, tomorrow we're unveiling the relocated McDonald's mural. Come hang out.
I have to remind people all the time to enjoy me while they can because I won’t be around forever.
The car is probably the worst invention of all time.
Hey everyone! In the height of lockdown, @nicknemeroff and I tried to make a sk8ordie podcast. It didn’t turn out the way we liked, so we didn’t release it. But we did make this dumb as hell promo video that we both loved. Happy birthday, Nick! We miss you.
Ah, so it becomes evident. Ohtani had to sign with the Dodgers because $2M a year means he would have to have at least 2 roommates in Toronto.
@mrnastynodrama we need to end this style of narration
i hate being called “miss” or “Ms” so i always select “prof.” on hotel forms and stuff. instead of feeling icky about gender i get to feel like i have a pack of mutants i gotta teach back home
@NigelGrinstead I’m bald, I gotta try everything on the table
@NigelGrinstead okay are you mad at me or something
It’s true!
This Hour Has 22 Minutes went to a Poilievre rally and people actually thought their comedian was Poilievre The look at the end…This Hour is so back.
How would you dress if money was no consideration?
How would you dress if money was no consideration?
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