David Sandwich @SANDWICHcommaD
Professor, Writer, and World's Greatest Dad. he/him Words in @PointsinCase, @JaneWastebasket, @FrazzledHumor, @TalesToTerrify, @SFLampoon, etc. davidsandwich.medium.com Delaware, USA Joined December 2020-
Tweets115
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Followers231
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Following402
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Likes3K
David Sandwich retweeted
The March Against Depicting Clowns As Creepy is still happening tonight at dusk at the edge of the woods near the abandoned lunatic asylum. The calliope we rented is out of tune but we plan to play it anyway.
Will Smith also banned from attending the Dundies.
“We Don’t Talk About Bruno” is the ultimate apophasis.
My autocorrect changed “coincidence” to “cool incidence” and now I can’t decide which is better.
A COVID reboot of Jingle All The Way where everyone’s scrambling to get Boosters.
Fa La La La La La La La La Take it Russ Fa La La La La La La La La
Can we stop with remakes/reboots already? Omicron sounds really lame.
None of the baby books told us how to convince a 2 year old to wear a mask.
This is a real listing. The seller says it’d make the perfect Christmas gift. Should I get it for my wife? Or should I get her a non-haunted doll instead? Decisions, decisions.
Do people still crack their knuckles or was that just something bullies did in the 90s?
That new TV series about defecation is a shitshow.
I don’t always look at the car that I’m passing, but when I do, the other driver is staring back at me.
Is that a spooky ghost — or Mitch McConnell — braising a rack of lamb in my kitchen?
If the shoe fits, ladle a helping of chicken corn chowder inside and voilà—new soup bowl.
Normalize having a bowl of whipped cream for dessert.
Thinking of starting an airline with the same quality and reliability of a Spirit Halloween store. I’ll call it Spirit Airlines.
Just learned that the guy who created James Bond also wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and I am not OK.
Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney
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Points in Case @PointsinCase
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The Belladonna 🇺�... @The_Belladonnas
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Weekly Humorist @WeeklyHumorist
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Alien Buddha Press (o... @thealienbuddha
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31 Followers 78 Following This account is parked and no longer monitored. Contact me on Bluesky: @alephbaker.bsky.social or Mastodon: @[email protected]
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Adam @a_narimatsu
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Melanie Rockett @rockett
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Neighborhood News Rad... @NeighborhoodNe6
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567 Followers 2K Following Humor, writing, #Braves, #Panthers, #Hurricanes, napping. Not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing here.
Bencasso "The Coaches... @Bencasso1
437 Followers 2K Following "The Coaches Corner" is a series on the Nationally syndicated radio podcast. Bencasso discusses Artistprenuership applied to,.... https://t.co/g5gRZKFTXh
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daclassybiatch @daclassybiatch
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Camila Sant'Ana Auric... @SantAuricchio
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586 Followers 646 Following current: @wholewheatpost | future: federal prison
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@fionataylor@writing.... @fionaleslie
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Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney
14K Followers 916 Following Columnist @mcsweeneys. Writing in The New Yorker.
Reductress @Reductress
282K Followers 597 Following The one and only fake women's news magazine. Shop, learn and listen to everything Reductress: https://t.co/rZ2ivP7vKO
Points in Case @PointsinCase
11K Followers 8K Following Enlightening and irreverent comedy from seasoned writers and fresh voices.
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys
244K Followers 999 Following The official feed of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, & McSweeney's Books. Publisher of @illustoria and @believermag.
The Belladonna 🇺�... @The_Belladonnas
10K Followers 3K Following Satire and humor by women & writers of marginalized genders, for everyone. Black Lives Matter
Justin Avery Smith @JustAVerySmith
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ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl
131K Followers 2K Following tv/film writer & psychotherapist-turned-comedian 🌈🎤@podshamespiral @gayshamecomedy
Alex Baia @al_baia
2K Followers 327 Following Humor writer. Lover of books, philosophy, and comedy goofs. My newsletter: https://t.co/f9gjWXZ6Mu
Slackjaw 🚀 @SlackjawHumor
4K Followers 652 Following @Medium humor. Large laughs. Tweets by our editors: @al_baia @cryingbaseball @hollymenderson @justingawel
Amy Currul @AmyCurrul
1K Followers 3K Following words in @mcsweeneys etc | co-founder of @GreenerPastSat | Lover of dogs, doughnuts, & all things television
Talia Argondezzi @TaliaArgondezzi
1K Followers 955 Following writing/English professor. satire: McSweeney's, New Yorker Shouts, Points in Case, Belladonna, Slackjaw. my book! https://t.co/2GIjISyJiO…
Paul Lander @paul_lander
41K Followers 40K Following Professional Comedy Writer/Producer. If it requires a noun, a verb and laughter I've done it. Won a few awards to give my Mom stuff to talk about with family.
Jenn Knott @jkusesherwords
2K Followers 1K Following TV & short humor writer, beloved by construction workers the world over. Stuff @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @BystanderTweets @The_Belladonnas @WeeklyHumorist
Brisa Sylvestre @brisa_sylvestre
2K Followers 2K Following creator🌴@smashedtvdotcom writer @realpunknews @humordarling @mcsweeneys @bahstonaccent & more. comedian, model https://t.co/sS2ho6qqTv
Iris 💫 @Jest_Iris
17K Followers 2K Following out of pocket bc my pants don't have any. NYC, Comedian, Writer, Gamer, Guitar Center bully, Jewish af | words in @PaletteSwapMag @Reductress & @HardDriveMag
limp brittzkit @Brittymigs
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Sing-a-long with Lizz... @singwithlizzie
1 Followers 51 Following Featuring all original songs for kids, written and performed by singer/songwriter Lizzie. Are you ready? 1...2...3...let's sing!
Goosebumps Completion... @GBCompletionist
490 Followers 52 Following The Goosebumps Completionist - After every Goosebumps story possible. I dig up obscure Goosebumps/RL Stine works so you don’t have to!
Melissa Edwards @MelissaLaurenE
13K Followers 781 Following Literary Agent at @stonesongNYC. Lawyer. Lover of TV, movies, and books. Slow runner. Let Bartlet be Bartlet.
Robert B. Englund @RobertBEnglund
230K Followers 91 Following Official Twitter of Robert Englund, aka Freddy Krueger. Get snark free, show-biz insights from a veteran character actor. I don’t chat, DM or ask for money.
Diandra Krueger //// @SassySledgehmmr
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dietcomedy @dietcomedy
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Lindy Vogel @TheLindyVogel
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Eric Melin @SceneStealrEric
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gabeybabyyyy @GabrielYassky
882 Followers 662 Following ~bad comedian/average waiter~ “top 100 Twitter account under 1k followers”—US Weekly
Guilty Crime Story Ma... @GuiltyCrimeMag
1K Followers 357 Following Guilty Crime Story Magazine publishes stories that embody the essence of noir: we're all guilty, it's only a matter of degree. Submissions open for FLASH ONLY.
Val Bodurtha @valbparker
583 Followers 936 Following Comic and writer, @McSweeneys @the_belladonnas and @AFIFest | (boh-der-thah) - Welsh for “you should change your name”
MuddyUm @UmMuddy
965 Followers 1K Following The fastest growing humor publication on Medium. Bootleg humor. Since 1720. #writingcommunity #humor #medium
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279 Followers 409 Following Writer, freelance copyeditor, mom of sweet teens and grumpy babies. Jazz singer, stress baker, and lover of pirate stuff. Ravenclaw, but I want a retest.
Mike @EatPrayMike
567 Followers 2K Following Humor, writing, #Braves, #Panthers, #Hurricanes, napping. Not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing here.
Micro Flash Fiction�... @MicroFlashFic
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R U Joking @R_Ujoking
467 Followers 514 Following R U Joking specializes in comedic storytelling & publishing a variety of humor—open to anyone. Write. Laugh. Send. https://t.co/cKUaSC6VIS
daclassybiatch @daclassybiatch
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Ethan Szlezinger @ethanszlez
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populistlaugh @populistlaugh
1K Followers 2K Following Satire for the people. Daily headlines. Run by @aplaxcomedy. If you want to contribute, fill out the application below
Rochelle @RochelleElana
775 Followers 615 Following I am proud to be a Jew who is not afraid to take on antisemitism where I see it.
Michael Streight @FactsbyMichael
153 Followers 293 Following What makes a fact a fact? I do. Writer Adjacent. Stuff in @SlackjawHumor, @littleoldlady__, @Havencomedy, and hopefully more to come.
John Sandbach VI @sandboxspeaks
40 Followers 88 Following Tater-Tot expert. Dad. Better cook than you. That’s about it.
Alex Wright @WrighterAlex
24 Followers 103 Following I just write now. Featured in: The Daily Drunk Mag and SciFi Lampoon
RLSTINE.EXE @goosebots
10K Followers 0 Following New classic Goosebumps novels, generated on the fly using top secret code extracted from a decommissioned Scholastic mainframe computer.
Lounge Writers @lounge_writers
748 Followers 943 Following Online classes for everyone, taught by award-winning and bestselling authors.Get inspired and transform your writing!❤📚💯 Founded by @oksanamarafioti
Ryan Gleason @ryangleasonnyc
3K Followers 3K Following Just because you put syrup on something don't make it pancakes.
Michael Lane Jr. @MichaelLaneJr
25K Followers 47 Following Good looking, charming, hilarious— but more importantly, humble. | Writer | Stand-Up Comedian | Host of @comedypotpie podcast available everywhere ☠️
Tweets to Give You Go... @Getting_GB
2K Followers 980 Following Tweeters beware, you're in for a scare! Welcome, I'm Spyder. Here I'll be discussing Goosebumps, the long-running horror book franchise by R.L. Stine.
R.H. Grimly @RH_Grimly
76 Followers 123 Following Author of Frightland — A spooky book series for kids
The Prompt Mag @thepromptmag
10K Followers 10K Following The Prompt is a creative community that showcases unique voices by issuing #prompts to inspire our collective of #writers & #artists... maybe even you. We / Us
Phonic Phoenix @TheShawnRandom
3K Followers 4K Following Theater nerd creative type. #Writing | #Standup | #VoiceOver | #Casting | #Directing | #Producing. I make full cast graphic #audiodrama and #sketchcomedy.Trends for United States
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