#TeabagTheWorld @TeabagTheWorld
Making a real difference in a pretend world Joined February 2011-
Tweets474
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Followers229
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Following3K
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Likes265
WWIII should probably be a reboot of the franchise.
I've never played Overwatch, but I'll play with myself if you want to come over and watch.
I may not have a blue checkmark, but I once blew a Czech named Mark.
I'm in touch with my inner child because I absorbed my twin brother in the womb.
I like the way your henna art incorporates the track marks.
A blind voyeur is more of an Eavesdropping Tom.
The only thing sadder than my Twitter feed is my living space.
I cheated on my wife with a nihilist. I told her it meant nothing.
My accountant said there's no tax credits for being codependent.
Today's the day I'm going to stand up to my dominatrix.
I'm laughing inside but it's drowned out by the continuous blood-curdling shrieks I hear.
I'm a geologist so my wife thinks I'm always at fault.
I wonder how high Michael Jordan jumps when he sees a snake.
RIP Liam Neeson, you were "Taken" from us too soon. #PreemptiveEpitaph
I'm an organ donor but the Salvation Army turns me down every time.
I'm so masculine that I'm aroused by actual axe wounds.
I won't accept nudes... because my SD card is full.
Zenaida Teehee @teeh_zena
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Marie Torgerson @MarieTo2976279
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Zoey Eckmann @z_eckman
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Katherine Papich @PapiKatherin
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Starr Robinette @RobinetteS86676
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Samantha Sterley @SterlSamant
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Bette Betzner @BBetzner82969
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Everly Reim @EverlyReim22528
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Luciana Richlin @LucianaR80293
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Alma Stohs @AStohs28596
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Bethel Pahk @PahBethe
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Franchesca Grat @gr_franches
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Angel Mceldowney @AngelMceld97942
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Ana Lagrave @LagraLagrave
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Luella Villacrusis @LuelVillacrus
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Carmina Manzano @manza_carm
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Stephaine Relford @StephaineR77600
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Ebonie Rathgeber @EbonieRath16446
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Blair Declercq @BlairDecle41751
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Dora Poet @DoraPoet28638
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Deetta Brittingham @DeettaBrit47573
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Faiza Crain @fai_cr
52 Followers 5K Following
Carlee Kominek @komi_carl
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Ora Villalva @ora_villal
50 Followers 5K Following
Christabel Hendley @Christabel68376
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Betty Evanchalk @be_evanch
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배주현 @baejuhy81613542
13 Followers 1K Following
민혜선 @minhyeseon96509
10 Followers 2K Following
Vannessa Gaviria @VannesGavir
35 Followers 5K Following
Kaycee Coyer @kayce_coy
56 Followers 5K Following
Tiffany Smith @TiffanySmi43440
75 Followers 3K Following
Charlene @endicottcharlen
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Lori @loriwilds69
157 Followers 3K Following
Romina Abate @romina_aba
40 Followers 5K Following
Scarlet Forbes @ForbesScar9418
105 Followers 3K Following
Ara Larrimore @larrimore76694
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Aileen Wood @WoodAileen81891
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Landen Cunningham @LandenCunn94440
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Danielle @danielle99taylo
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Edna @ednalindgren83
111 Followers 3K Following
Menna Surbaugh @MennaSurba12645
36 Followers 5K Following
Audrey @nashaudrey51
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Alex P. @AlexFromCC
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Dennis Woodruff @woodruffmovies
480 Followers 2K Following Hi I'm DENNIS WOODRUFF. I'm an LA-based actor, director, producer, comedian, artist, and satirist. My grandpa was the developer of hollywoodland. Im a filmmaker
Mandy Mayhem @mandamurhead
1K Followers 831 Following TT: @msmandymaycheetham Creator/Star of MUTHA (Rachel Dratch's Late Night Snack) on HBOmax, Rapping with Actors on Amazon.
Katie Arroyo @KatieGArroyo
2K Followers 3K Following Comic. Tell ME a joke! Co-host of Wicked Funny Podcast and @pinkypromisepod , (and now I'm a twitch streamer??)
Tyler Mead @tylerhmead
16K Followers 2K Following Comedian, Crotchety young(?) homosexual. Host of What’s Ur Type pod w/ @sarahhartshorne, Hot One Gay One next show 4/14, and TIMBER comedy Tuesdays at The Woods
Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis
55K Followers 3K Following Comedienne | Actor | as seen in @rollingstone @nytimes @guardian @wsj @vogue @nymag @comedycentral | broadway w/@birbigs | Instagram @mariadecotis
Ian Lara @IanLaralive
2K Followers 457 Following Stand up Comedian. Watch my special streaming on HBO MAX
Burnt Excellence @talibbabb
3K Followers 1K Following Comic. Stream "Burnt Excellence" comedy album everywhere Writer for ESPN Used to do Digital for The Late Show Sketches with @zangcomedy IG: @talibbabb
Sally Ann Hall @mesallyann
7K Followers 911 Following writer // comedian // cabaret bitch // regular bitch
Jonas Barnes @JonasBarnes
2K Followers 4K Following Stand-Up Comedian - Writer - Producer: The Traumedy Hour NYC - Co Host: Another Goddamn Horror Podcast & Monday Nitro Party Podcast
Dan Wilbur @DanWilbur
12K Followers 2K Following My 3rd grade teacher told me I had a "great way of ruining things for people." Now I do comedy. My debut album is available now: https://t.co/aA3kYgFcBR
Laurel 🥓 Cummings @LaurelBCummings
381 Followers 1K Following Comedy writer. BravoTV. NetflixIsAJoke. McSweeneys. The Onion. FOD. Subscribe to my substack Free Puppies Comedy https://t.co/xod0Aby3Y3
Lizzie Martinez @lizzaymartinez
651 Followers 482 Following Comedian, etc. | Headline Contributor @TheOnion | StarF*ckers at @UnionHallNY
isabelle carasso @isabellecarasso
2K Followers 3K Following Writer | repped @anoncontent🦩 | support staff @abc @appletv @amc_tv @hulu @nbc | for legal reasons, all my views belong to a guy named Todd Z in the Midwest
greg stone 🩴 @gregstone_
6K Followers 1K Following check out my special on you tube , nobody presents greg stone
Jessica Henderson �.. @embrace_mess
757 Followers 377 Following I'm here bish. NYC stand up. Actor. Writer. Instagram @embrace__mess She/they venmo jessicahenderson08
kate sisk @thekatesisk
4K Followers 746 Following comedian, 🤴🏼 LukeAss, former ⚽️ for 🇵🇷, Comedy Central set out now ⬇️
Sarah Roberts @SarahRoberts_69
3K Followers 1K Following “Very brave” comedian | Rep @hatch_talent | DM for live
Dave Sirus @DaveSirus
11K Followers 1K Following Comic, Writer, Fake Journalist - Bupkis, Lets Be Real, The King of Staten Island, Triumph tICD, SNL, CC Roasts, Brick Stone — RTs are a permanent endorsement.
Kelly Bachman @bellykachman
67K Followers 1K Following comedian as seen in @nytimes @FXnetworks etc., comedy album w/ @dylanadler6 available via @comedydynamics
natalie "joke nichols.. @reallancebass
2K Followers 1K Following writer. comedy lady. senior ride operator at america’s only Hell themed amusement park.
Christian Wisseh @christianwisseh
762 Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Director, Food Guy & Suburban Black.
follow @danajaybein.b.. @danajaybein
9K Followers 7K Following Human | Comedian | Wrote #CoronavirusRhapsody | He ~ Him ~ His
adrienne iapalucci @AIapalucci
21K Followers 1K Following Featured on Netflix “The Degenerates” Letterman, and Album “Baby Skeletons” https://t.co/vTLRigOpX9
Justin Avery Smith @JustAVerySmith
2K Followers 5K Following “A professional comedian” - MIT. Writer & Performer. Seen in @mcsweeneys @TheOnion @TMZLive #PreWGA #Teamster #RecoveringGleek (He/Him)
Kyle @Gordondon
4K Followers 5K Following Comedian (#Writing & #Standup) | #Jaws | #Films | #TV | #Books | | #MentalHealth campaigner #BPDII & #Anxiety | Co-Creator of the @harrythehounduk books
Peter Revello @peter_revello
3K Followers 653 Following Comedian who's been on @comedycentral. I'm here to please.
Xu 徐 (tired) @Hellotherexu
3K Followers 1K Following comedian/writer/actor/VO newb/ttrpg nerd - @mcsweeneys @reductress @weeklyhumorist - she/hers
dana bad @baddanadanabad
94K Followers 339 Following if you’re thinking about hiring me for a job please don’t let this deter you
Heidi Heaslet @redheadheidi
4K Followers 1K Following ▪️EP & Host ‘The Funny Dance Show’ @eentertainment ▪️SXF lets me model ▪️ ✨👩🦰✨ 🖥 All Def ▪️other stuff too
Mario Benitez @Wario_Benitez
244 Followers 312 Following Comedian - Host of The Life Plot podcast. Into science, philosophy, tech and politics. 🚀
Sam Spero @SRSpero
2K Followers 1K Following Comedy @ IAG, Sports Contrib @TheOnion, Headline Contrib at @ClickHole & @Reductress, pubbed by @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys & more. Really want a samurai sword.
ben @benwassertweet
6K Followers 1K Following funny lil guy w/ tiny lil glasses 🇵🇸 free palestine til it backwards
Ian Goldstein @iangoldsteinyes
3K Followers 3K Following Writer/Producer (comedy, podcasts, crohns!) When I die I'd like to be claymated. @newyorker, @mcsweeneys, @vulture, @byrdiebeauty. ianscottgoldstein at gmail
Stacy @stacycayslays
42K Followers 1K Following Standup Comedian🎤 Model 💅🏻 Producer of @spendthenightkc
Whacktose Intolerant @MillyTamarez
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gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi
64K Followers 7K Following “you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coach
big honkin caboose @itsmegangraves
72K Followers 981 Following comic, writer, certified hottie ❤️🔥 my debut comedy special Don’t Sleep With Comedians is out now on YouTube 💖 🪩✨
@BridgetPhetasy @elonmusk @justjeren We’re all just dogs in god’s hot car.
I love when people complain about Twitter … on Twitter 🤣🤣
New #SpiderManNoWayHome Bridge Scene has been released!! x.com/sebbazz/status…
Ashlyn Parker, 11 years old, Ft Worth Texas, Last seen in a black Chevy Cruz Check out Dave and Busters new Eat and Play menu for a limited time only.
When it comes to cocaine jokes you can't just do one liners
Quit Twitter last night and honestly don’t miss it even a little bit
Michael Myers could break into my house at 2 in the morning and I still wouldn't be as scared as I was watching the Boy Meets World Halloween episode
Twitter is for people who are not happy.
Oh cool my sister just graduated with a masters degree and I let seagulls eat a hotdog off my lap at the park yesterday
A fun game is to write "it looks like a potato" on every photo of a baby your friends post.
I looked up this morning and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Get back to work Chemtrail pilots!
It was hilarious giving the police sketch artist a description of himself. I don't care if they ever find who murdered my family.
I feel like the monopoly man would walk into Gold's Gym pretty excited, only to face a big letdown.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
In real life I get pity stares, but Twitter is completly different. On Twitter I get pity stars.
We can only have sex if it's through a sheet because I can't get off unless I pretend to be a ghost.
I've been looking out for any blood in my urine, but I'm concerned more about urine in my blood.
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