dana bad @baddanadanabad
if you’re thinking about hiring me for a job please don’t let this deter you solikewhatarewe.com Joined April 2020-
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the reason i love reading my daily horoscope is because it’s like… the news, but just about myself.
new psychiatrist asked me if i had self harm tendencies and i was like “well i eat a lot of ice cream even though im lactose intolerant” and she was like “i meant cutting or burning.” this lady all business fr…
staring at my phone while i walk through a busy intersection and my bf’s like “can you look up i feel like im your crossing guard”
kid sitting behind me on the plane kicking my chair… bout to let him know im not one of those “cool” adults. i’ll choke you out son. i’ll choke you out…
i love the holidays bc you get to see what kind of eating disorders your middle aged uncles have
im bicoastal (i dread running into people in LA and new york)
getting coal in my stocking like “this is actually a rare and valuable energy commodity and come apocalypse times you’ll all wish you were as naughty as me”
it’s not easy being the chillest girl in the world… which is why i am not
once i find a pair of shoes so cool they give me a new personality and vibe… it’s over for you hoes
dating someone from the midwest is all fun and games till you find yourself googling “is there a brandy melville in missouri”
been waiting for an hour to deplane and suddenly im looking at my bf like… if he really loved me he would become a billionaire so we could fly private
i love red robin culture… (free refills on fries)
i know it seems like im an hour late but i was planning to be 20 minutes late so im actually only forty minutes late you know what i mean
just got caught by one of those red light cameras and my first thought was “ooh i bet I’ll look cute in that”
the word “heirloom” … invented by rich white hoarders as a way to force their kids to keep all their junk
guys are always like “why are you taking so long in the bathroom” and it’s like … im working my ass off over here just trying to be a 7 for you
sorry im late it’s bc im from a nice normal town where parking doesn’t typically take two hours
michaela okland @MichaelaOkla
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charlie @chunkbardey
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INTERIOR DESIGNS @INTERIORDESlGNS
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Kevin @Rm2Sk9I5Ub2fV0
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Bob McHenry @tsnsucks
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Patrick Andrew @PatrickAnd93028
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kelc. @kelcrutledge
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Maximepitremaximecarl.. @Maximepitremax3
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broccoli @freezedriedb
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Existential crises su.. @existentialsrvr
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ٍ @LOVlNGCHU
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Kendra Flint @KendraFlint3
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lucy @lucylucky046
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Put God First @Iamdindu402
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Astraea @Amelia1971758
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(╥﹏╥) @finiteatoms
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Che @deborasantooo
78 Followers 915 Following
michaela okland @MichaelaOkla
287K Followers 297 Following Just a Girl, girling out [email protected]
ellie schnitt! @holy_schnitt
556K Followers 593 Following (e)girl next door• https://t.co/jHrUCSZWSj• podcaster!! • she/her • IG: ellie_schnitt • business inquiries: @unitedtalent [email protected]
Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_
165K Followers 6K Following thank you for bearing with me, links to everything below
ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl
145K Followers 3K Following tv/film writer, comic, queer. host @podshamespiral, copy @iamthirtyaf & co-host @gayshamecomedy- next show 4/16 @unionhallny! mgmt: @zerogravitymgmt
charlie @chunkbardey
101K Followers 911 Following here for a good time and a long time. ultimately a comedian. is this helping??? i have a podcast called @ExplorationLive
i can be your long lo.. @PallaviGunalan
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abby govindan @abbygov
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1984’s George Whore.. @EwdatsGROSS
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Sydney Battle @SydneyBattle
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ashley ray🍦ice cre.. @theashleyray
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kristofer thomas @kristoferthomas
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ellory smith @ellorysmith
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mawa @hardly___workin
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Sam Stryker @sbstryker
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Sahib Singh @sahibcantsingh
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Audrey Horne @credenzaclear2
31K Followers 2K Following im an acquired taste.. if you don’t like me, acquire some taste!
sarah schauer 🦂 @sarahschauer
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Atsuko Okatsuka @AtsukoComedy
79K Followers 3K Following My @HBO special "The Intruder" out now! See me live on tour👇
abi balingit 🌸 MAY.. @theduskykitchen
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Jean-Marcos González.. @polosmarcos
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Zach Schiffman @schlife
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hannah @dumbandfunn
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Hi I'm Harpal @harpalcomics
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adri diaz @adriMFdiaz
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Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis
55K Followers 3K Following Comedienne | Actor | as seen in @rollingstone @nytimes @guardian @wsj @vogue @nymag @comedycentral | broadway w/@birbigs | Instagram @mariadecotis
Los Angeles is a tough city to figure out because everyone here is the most liberal person you’ve ever met until they see one homeless person and then they just immediately turn into Clint Eastwood
does anyone remember “kid nation”
tried a retinol eye mask on a whim and I'm different now. fine. u guys win 😪
i hate the grocery store so fucking much just the vibes are so fucking annoying i can’t explain it maybe it’s the lighting
No but why do they all stand like they just got arms for the first time
Submitted my taxes. I am going to prison
The influencer The influenced
i wrote 197 pages of a book, almost finished it, had sex one time and havent touched it in four months and maybe never will again. unserious
if u think i am going to have one tums rn u are out of ur mind. i am having two
but daddy i love him <3
thought my tow truck driver and I had incredible chemistry then I realized this must be how men feel about all female bartenders. she’s literally just doing her job
Me at 17. Proof that you’re not ugly, you’re just poor.
after i declined going out on saturday night, my friend was like “you never do anything exciting!” and it’s like, dude, every warning light in my car has been on for six years and i’ve never checked my credit score… my entire life is a high-wire act
you might think i only post about my bf and my one woman show but my one woman show is about my bf so it’s even worse than u thought
more ppl should be replying “WOW. starfish?” but whatever
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