tomb @TurmShrub
sup dude names tom but my friends call me tomb Chicago, IL Joined September 2011-
Tweets12K
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Followers3K
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Following988
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Likes68K
every day I'm privileged to log on and learn from some of the greatest minds of my generation
talking a lot of shit behind people's backs is actually really fun and i think more people should do more of it. one of life's greatest pleasures is being able to dish
face me coward. i can't wait to meet you. and i will
this is a medical gold chain. My nape gets cold. mocking it only makes you ableist
why has she been reading my diary 😭😭😭
why has she been reading my diary 😭😭😭
the second you turn 27 start introducing yourself as 32 to soften the blow
that 31 yo coworker who don't play about charli xcx
Currently thinking about Max Holloway, have been thinking about Max Holloway constantly for two days, will continue to think about Max Holloway for several more days
They'll never release the lost episode of Hot Ones they recorded with Stephen Hawking; Sean Evans is just shoving cut-up pieces of wing into his mouth and his computer is stuck saying "QQQQQQQQQ333333" and nobody can tell if it was on purpose or not
[playing wojaks with my mean older brother] me: why do i always have to be soyjak? when is it my turn to be chad? older brother: *punches me so hard* never
Renting a new apartment and taking that new job based solely on their proximity to Taco bell
bank guy: we are denying your loan and I don't normally editorialize like this but you should be ashamed of the way you have managed your life
this guy is a known pedophile and abuser your best bet is to steer clear
me: nah man you didn't get it I've been in the discourse, were all people just doing our bes- Literal Nazi: This guy is fucking wack and gay!!!! me: I'm only kinda gay and that's not even a response to my larger point,
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Meat Boy @god_brane
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c a l @Throne0fBlood
4K Followers 461 Following i am at my most powerful when i am scared @lilmeaties
picardie aurora @picardie_aurora
6K Followers 443 Following hello friends, i have been bothered by the imperfect world for a long time
Aubrey Plaza (fake) (.. @_glassduster
6K Followers 962 Following presently not Aubrey plaza. Both the victor and the vanquished are but drops of dew, but bolts of lightning - thus should we view the world.
no doubt @selontheweb
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game ideas company ll.. @bogtrinkets
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ray of moonlight @GaterHouser
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competentposter @CompetentPoster
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the 20 somethings of San Francisco are gathering for elevated brunch fare & cocktails served in a quaint, stylish space with marble counters & beadboard
don’t talk to me for the rest of the day
David Cross and Bob Odenkirk were meant to star in a docu-style comedy about rival cult gurus manipulating the minds of their deluded followers. The series got scrapped as the analytics & marketing department didn’t get it. (Source: variety.com/2024/tv/news/d…)
(mad scientist stand up comedian) how many of yall got a dimwitted assistant likes to complain? Talkin bout "but master this looks dangerous". Meanwhile you across the laboratory at the control panel like "🫣👉🔘 never you worry Igor!"
i dont know what i thought the lesbian bodybuilding movie was about but i just saw a gif of the main lady giving birth to kristen stewart through her mouth so i think i may have been wrong regardless
They never seen a white boy make a medium amount of money like this
This must be so humiliating. Why would you seriously spend money on something as stupid as Twitter Blue and hide the check mark. So fucking cringe
Twitter/X has removed the ability to hide verified checkmarks, all will be visible now.
I feel the rush addicted to your touch
it’s inhumane that you recorded and posted this for likes also
someone saw me spill cold brew all over myself and she pointed at me and said to her kid, "wow isn't that wild"
me: ma, seriously, this girl’s the one.. she’s like a legendary charizard, and im a trainer with a master ball. its like shes princess zelda, splendid in all her glory, and im link, her royal boyish knight mom: youre gonna make me cry sweetie. whats her name? me: i dunno 🤷♂️
Now that blue checks cannot be hidden I have to be transparent and say that I paid for premium so I could save this video to my phone and forgot to cancel the subscription
Major Garland Briggs in 2024:
it be two lowborn wenches conversing amongst themselves “preciselyyyy”
@ohJuliatweets [guy who's gotten an automatic green light to make anything he wanted since 1997] they won't let us make comedy anymore
the libertarians just want the police to be private so they won't enforce age of consent laws
I am a bean, I am a fuckin chungus, I do play Fortnite and livestream among us
@rigginsslim if you can get horny in a costco they should take your card away. you are not serious enough about deals
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