Brian Faas @brian_faas
do you ever feel like a plastic bag? brianfaas.net Brooklyn, NY Joined August 2013-
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Followers2K
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Following1K
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Likes19K
how I thought I’d look with long hair vs how I actually look with long hair
You’re telling me I’m paying nyc rent prices just to be on the same tectonic plate as Philly and Boston? I’m feeling sick
Who is Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s new boo? Page Six predicts trib.al/bZOgHKV
Connections is fun because your entire day can get derailed by invented categories like “types of kitchen cabinet handles” or “found in a 2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse”
Was I on Grandma’s Ashes, I honestly can’t remember
From now on, I’ll be measuring time in Padams. My morning commute: 13 Padams. The live-action Little Mermaid: 48 Padams. How long til Memorial Day: 21,600 Padam Padams (on repeat)
RIP #MTVNews. I deeply regret not adopting this puppy on Election Night 2016 and naming him, duh, Bernie
There is no T in Costco. Nice try. You can put the “T” over by the “The” in Home Depot and while were at it, put an apostrophe in Wegmans
Every time i open this app, i'm assaulted with a prompt. Name one movie ... If you could pick ... In one word.... What are you all, undercover high school teachers? Get a job
Negronis are good have you tried a mezcal Negroni? Instead of gin, Paul Mescal spits in your drink
Something for The White Lotus heads out there! Theo James is fully doing a Peter Gallagher impression. I bet he binged the OC to work on his rich American guy accent & got sucked into Sandy Cohen's charms, just like we all did in 2003
Madonna’s wildest TikTok and Instagram videos of 2022 trib.al/5u9xCio
It‘a funny when people dressed the same say, “TWINS!” when in reality twins have to wear different clothes
Eavesdropping on a first date: “I love Billy Madison! It’s in my top 10.” It’s going well!!
pat regan @poregan
60K Followers 724 Following i’m a 3rd generation matchmaker with an extremely high success rate. I have a gay voice, and that’s OK! it’s beautiful, even.Alexis Pereira @MrAlexisPereira
7K Followers 531 Following occasional troublemaker; writer on Disney’s Hamster & GretelFrank Garcia-Hejl @frankgarciahejl
7K Followers 5K Following Actor, Writer, Comedian, Pansexual half-Mexican obsessed with music and the unexplainedDru Johnston @drujohnston
7K Followers 1K Following The @GethardShow. UCBNY. Andy Kaufman Award Winner. Seattle Native. idiot.Mike Scollins @mikescollins
34K Followers 1K Following From Marshfield MA. Writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers. Love horror movies. Usually have to pee. He/HimWhacktose Intolerant @MillyTamarez
12K Followers 2K Following Comedian, writer on @datinggameabc, host of @betches_sup pod, @waitwait contributor, creator of: @flexxmag & @dafcomedyfest https://t.co/h0v9b9xzI3Dylan Adler @DylanAdler6
40K Followers 2K Following If Yzma was Asian. Writer on @latelateshow @Dylanadler_ on insta He/HimJoel Kim Booster @ihatejoelkim
149K Followers 1K Following editor in chief @nytimes. my wife is missing.Carey O'Donnell @ecareyo
68K Followers 3K Following Writer. Co-host of @sexyuniquepod. You didn’t go up there to fish.Zachs That Go Hard @ZachBroussard
7K Followers 2K Following I perform groundbreaking comedy (commercials mostly) and rank my peers based on their industry #buzz in a yearly #top1000comedians list.m a x w i t t e r t @waxmittert
7K Followers 751 Following Single-hyphenate comedian & cartoonist. Diabolical brat. click the thingChase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharksJames III @ruleof3inc
10K Followers 3K Following film/tv writer @blackmenpodcast, @clubastronomy, #latefees @ruleof3comics. actor seen on 1 season of several netflix shows.Timothy Dunn @timothydunn
6K Followers 2K Following ✨🪐 moves in space with minimum waste/maximum joy 💫✨ he/himConnor Ratliff 🎭 @connorratliff
22K Followers 5K Following Mr. Rapp in @MeanGirls • @DeadEyespodcast 💀👁👁 @headgum • @GLucasTalkShow • @RAAAATSCRAPS Sundays @CaveatNYC + streaming at https://t.co/2J8c7Qxu5Xpatrick keene @doo_kee
2K Followers 1K Following a cute baby chicken hatching from its egg and seeing the world for the first timepatrick cotnoir @patrickcotnoir
9K Followers 936 Following booker: @exactlyright, @GLucasTalkShow, ASSSSCAT. casting: unlimited squirrels. formerly: @Marvel @gethardshow, @untitledimprov. cute af. opinions mine.Halle Kiefer @HalleKiefer
7K Followers 3K Following lesbo 🏳️🌈 @ruinedpodcast @crookedmedia Please god, if you haven't already, register to vote: https://t.co/A6A6CPgfRIZach Cherry @zachcherrygmail
10K Followers 2K FollowingMatt Makes Mermaid Mo.. @matt_tbr
930 Followers 1K Following Indie Filmmaker & Freelance Animator @TinySirenToons • Currently directing "Sirenetta: Part-Time Mermaid" Indie Animated Feature Film • 🏳️🌈Tiny Dinos Podcast�.. @tinydinospod
119 Followers 2K Following A @Hyperobject_Ind comedy podcast by @connorratliff & @ruleof3inc about 2 best friends who are scientists who have made a secret thing. 1st episode May 7Ashlie Finnley @AshlieFinn42109
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39 Followers 5K FollowingSagor💎'$FYN'$BUBBL.. @sexyhot01010
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3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.NotLeaxo_x @leapetitebackup
104 Followers 427 Following 𝓗𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓸 𝓶𝔂 𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓛𝓮𝓪 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓾𝓹 𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽 𝓯𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀 𝓶𝔂 𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓮🤭💝 @notleaxo_xJessicaleigh34 @Jessicaleigh341
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678 Followers 1K FollowingI'm "George Lucas": A.. @georgelucasdoc
835 Followers 296 Following A documentary chronicling comedian @connorratliff’s six-year journey into the mind of George Lucas. @Slamdance ‘24! 100% Rotten Tomatoes! Screenings in link!Ceola Kreb @CeolaK71220
68 Followers 5K FollowingEvan Doris @DorisEvan30114
3 Followers 30 Following I'm kinda rich and ready to help the poor ones💵 not every opportunities is a scam I gained this charity act from my parent before they pass awayFredricka Mazuera @FredrickaM19621
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565 Followers 3K Following me=school of visual arts alumni □ Legalization of medication Adderall blog=Little nemo on abcandy trott @WatrottTrott
472 Followers 4K FollowingLeon good @leongood419
54 Followers 202 Following ¡Hola! Soy un amante de los animales sin hogar, especialmente de los perros y gatos. Envíame un mensaje si te encantaría adoptar.Marona Oyster @MaronaOyster
571 Followers 5K FollowingJason Malone @jason_m210
478 Followers 5K Followingellen White @white37370
43 Followers 143 FollowingAna Lydia Ochoa (Otxo.. @analydiamonaco
22K Followers 17K Following Fashion & Beauty-obsessed Storyteller. LA foodie. Pre-pandemic traveler. Museum nerd & art collector. Book luvr. Proudly Mexican American. 🐶 & 🐱 & 🪴 #INFJSarah Gevrob @sargev
58 Followers 234 FollowingGarrett 🌴 @garrettpalm
20K Followers 1K Following Eat It or Yeet It on Smosh Lead Writer on Tabletop News Actor|Writer|Producer|Director|Traveller|Comedian -- He/HimSunita Deshpande| Imp.. @SunitaDeshpande
2K Followers 2K Following @UCBComedy @LABTheaterNYC #SaveDaredevil @MeisnerActing #HBO #Marvel @sariforpallavi @24HourPlays #MaggieFlaniganStudio @StewartTalentNY IG:@LuckySunitaKatie Hannigan @katiehannigan
15K Followers 2K Following comedian experiencing a mood swing. cohost of https://t.co/GiMmUpPPj7.Oluwa Pelumi @OluwaPelum69685
0 Followers 4 FollowingBrandon Gulya @BGulya
3K Followers 884 Following Comedic writer and waiter. Broad City. Chris Gethard Show.OLYMPUS @olympusretro
1K Followers 3K Following OLYMPUS: A RETROSPECTIVE for all fans of retro sci-fi and good times | Full series out now, just hit the link below!szymon negacz @Hamiltonmo34253
87 Followers 371 FollowingMommy G @MommyG878388
151 Followers 2K Following Findom looking for multiple finsubs. I can be mean or sweet depending on my mood ☺️💸Feet fetishes are my specialty!❤️ All kinks are welcomeAri’s Burner Accoun.. @tonypizzajunior
277 Followers 926 Following comedy writer and dad. probably taught your UCB improv class. @voukydis.bsky.social if you’re cool.Carllybrown Thedorn @CThedorn
416 Followers 2K FollowingAmanda weddle @Amandafour
16 Followers 525 FollowingClarify Your Day podc.. @ClarifyYourDay
8 Followers 96 Following Join #podcast host Claire Burns as she checks in with our fellow humans and clarifies their day. Available on your favorite podcast platform!pat regan @poregan
60K Followers 724 Following i’m a 3rd generation matchmaker with an extremely high success rate. I have a gay voice, and that’s OK! it’s beautiful, even.Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.Alexis Pereira @MrAlexisPereira
7K Followers 531 Following occasional troublemaker; writer on Disney’s Hamster & GretelFrank Garcia-Hejl @frankgarciahejl
7K Followers 5K Following Actor, Writer, Comedian, Pansexual half-Mexican obsessed with music and the unexplainedDru Johnston @drujohnston
7K Followers 1K Following The @GethardShow. UCBNY. Andy Kaufman Award Winner. Seattle Native. idiot.George Civeris @georgeciveris
26K Followers 1K Following Comedian, co-host @straightiolab, former editor @gawker. Let's do this!Mike Scollins @mikescollins
34K Followers 1K Following From Marshfield MA. Writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers. Love horror movies. Usually have to pee. He/HimWhacktose Intolerant @MillyTamarez
12K Followers 2K Following Comedian, writer on @datinggameabc, host of @betches_sup pod, @waitwait contributor, creator of: @flexxmag & @dafcomedyfest https://t.co/h0v9b9xzI3Dylan Adler @DylanAdler6
40K Followers 2K Following If Yzma was Asian. Writer on @latelateshow @Dylanadler_ on insta He/Himcharlie @chunkbardey
101K Followers 908 Following here for a good time and a long time. ultimately a comedian. is this helping??? i have a podcast called @ExplorationLiveJoel Kim Booster @ihatejoelkim
149K Followers 1K Following editor in chief @nytimes. my wife is missing.Carey O'Donnell @ecareyo
68K Followers 3K Following Writer. Co-host of @sexyuniquepod. You didn’t go up there to fish.Zachs That Go Hard @ZachBroussard
7K Followers 2K Following I perform groundbreaking comedy (commercials mostly) and rank my peers based on their industry #buzz in a yearly #top1000comedians list.m a x w i t t e r t @waxmittert
7K Followers 751 Following Single-hyphenate comedian & cartoonist. Diabolical brat. click the thingChristine Nangle @nanglish
54K Followers 1K Following I have a dog who is my baby and I have a baby who is my child.Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharksJames III @ruleof3inc
10K Followers 3K Following film/tv writer @blackmenpodcast, @clubastronomy, #latefees @ruleof3comics. actor seen on 1 season of several netflix shows.Timothy Dunn @timothydunn
6K Followers 2K Following ✨🪐 moves in space with minimum waste/maximum joy 💫✨ he/himConnor Ratliff 🎭 @connorratliff
22K Followers 5K Following Mr. Rapp in @MeanGirls • @DeadEyespodcast 💀👁👁 @headgum • @GLucasTalkShow • @RAAAATSCRAPS Sundays @CaveatNYC + streaming at https://t.co/2J8c7Qxu5XMatt Makes Mermaid Mo.. @matt_tbr
930 Followers 1K Following Indie Filmmaker & Freelance Animator @TinySirenToons • Currently directing "Sirenetta: Part-Time Mermaid" Indie Animated Feature Film • 🏳️🌈Rotten Tomatoes @RottenTomatoes
2.4M Followers 2K Following Serving up Fresh and Rotten reviews for movies and TVX-Men Movies @XMenMovies
694K Followers 185 Following #DeadpoolAndWolverine. Only In Theaters July 26.Poo Crave @Poo_Crave
172K Followers 400 Following Spinning in a whirlwind of pop chaos & craving those cunty retweets! Plop into #PooCrave for all things tea, drama and social media. 🌈 🎶Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.Brandon Follick @follickacid
2K Followers 787 Following comedian & writer @reductress @theonion @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @latestagelive he/himSunita Deshpande| Imp.. @SunitaDeshpande
2K Followers 2K Following @UCBComedy @LABTheaterNYC #SaveDaredevil @MeisnerActing #HBO #Marvel @sariforpallavi @24HourPlays #MaggieFlaniganStudio @StewartTalentNY IG:@LuckySunitaTatanka Means @TatankaMeans
12K Followers 260 Following Actor • Comedian • Lakota • Omaha • Dinè • https://t.co/sMpgPfTdkpYou Hurt My Feelings @hurtfeelingsmov
187 Followers 5 Following @A24 presents Nicole Holofcener's #YouHurtMyFeelings starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies — Now Available to Rent & Ownchris evans @notcapnamerica
212K Followers 5K Following ✊🏽🏳️🌈 Small business owner. Receipts provider 🧾 Movie live-tweeter. business inquiries: [email protected]Barry Keoghan @BarryKeoghan
319K Followers 863 FollowingHakeem Jeffries @RepJeffries
982K Followers 1K Following Brooklyn Congressman. Leader @HouseDemocrats. Work hard. Stay focused. Deliver results #ForThePeople.Stereogum @stereogum
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257K Followers 1K Following beloved gay comedian with perfect opinions and a heart of gold. many, many accolades.Pop Crave @PopCrave
1.7M Followers 4K Following Feeding your pop culture cravings since 2015. Inquiries: [email protected]Nancy Pelosi @TeamPelosi
1.0M Followers 8K Following Personal account for House Speaker Emerita Nancy Pelosi. #CA11. “We Don’t Agonize — We Organize and We Unionize!” -NPHatched @HatchedNYC
3K Followers 2K Following Brooklyn-Based Showcase for Original Sketch Comedy New Sketches Every Month check us out on YouTube @ https://t.co/45w5h3Wct4Michael Rubens @michaelsrubens
3K Followers 2K Following Emmy-nominated correspondent/Producer @FullFrontalSamB | Author of four novels | Occasional Standup Follow for winning Lotto numbersShawn Hollenbach @shawnhollenbach
5K Followers 3K Following He/they/Shawn/🧚♀️ | Host & Musical Comedian | Tarot Reader | Podcast Host and Producer: #Magiste, @berksqueers and @closetcasesSam Klemmer @samklem
268 Followers 241 Following Actor/Comedian/Writer We’ve been conditioned, to not make mistakes. But I can’t live that way, mm mm.Ken Beck @kenbeckinternet
1K Followers 791 FollowingPaul Robalino @paulrobalino
5K Followers 687 Following Showrunner/producer/writer at @dropout @vipeopleshow @gamechangersam @smartypantsdo @dirtylaundrydo @makesomenoisedo @playitbyeardo 🇪🇨🏳️🌈 he/himRespectful Memes @RespectfulMemes
1.9M Followers 5 Following #1 Source of Memes to show your GrandmaChief Opinion Haver @whtvrjeffsaid
5K Followers 825 Following low-info, george soros-funded establishment dem | account deleted at 1trillion | i make better arguments on IG. #RollTideJon Millstein @jmillstein
13K Followers 1K Following writer. formerly @disneytva, @crookedmedia, @funnyordie. my followers are some of the bravest people on earthMark Cuban Cost Plus .. @costplusdrugs
134K Followers 32 Following Selling low-cost medications with radically transparent prices with support from @mcuban. No membership fees. No insurance required. Read before DM ⬇️Mark Cuban @mcuban
8.8M Followers 2K Following Dunking on the pharma industry with @costplusdrugs.com, the lowest prices on meds anywhere. check it out !Steph Tolev @StephTolev
20K Followers 759 Following ⚡️⚡️⚡️FILTH QUEEN TOUR⚡️⚡️⚡️ BALTIMORE APRIL 18-20, PHILLY APRIL 21, NYC APRIL 24th, LA MAY 2nd 🎟️👇🏼Garrett Williams, BFA @badboygargar
20K Followers 1K Following Singer, Activist, UFO Experiencer Rep: FrameworkJoey R Johnson 🏳�.. @Johnson__joey
3K Followers 778 Following “I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”- Walt Whitman. Gay 🏳️🌈 Atheist ⚛️ Husband👬 BLM ✊🏿 Trans ally 🏳️⚧️Pro-Choice 🏥 Gun Reform 🏛Bros @brosthemovie
7K Followers 17 Following #BrosMovie is yours to own on Digital & Blu-ray 11/22 with Deleted Scenes, Gag Reel and moreAvery Lee @averyllee
1K Followers 2K Following writer / actor / asian person @WGAEast GAG @ucbtla @grossmanandjack former exec dir @stirfridaynight before times: @thesecondcity @iochicagoJillian Anthony (Thre.. @jillathrilla
4K Followers 2K Following Writer and podcast host at https://t.co/OllFOgztV4. Editor @mashable, ex @timeoutnewyork @culturetrip, work @popupmag @cosmopolitan @marieclaireBox Office Mojo @boxofficemojo
210K Followers 44 Following The leading online box office reporting and analysis servicecrazy ass moments in .. @ampol_moment
437K Followers 2 Following posting the crazy ass, weird as hell and wild moments from the politics and history of the eternal union. dms open for submissions.Hardik, from a safe d.. @somehardik
2K Followers 3K Following southpaw. I haven’t killed anybody... since 1984.kate sisk @thekatesisk
4K Followers 745 Following comedian, 🤴🏼 LukeAss, former ⚽️ for 🇵🇷, Comedy Central set out now ⬇️hari nef @harinef
86K Followers 568 FollowingAlison @therealalisonw
4K Followers 1K Following comedy writer / sketch @goldcomedy /former: @boogiemanja / head writer of my tweetsSam Jackel @sam_jackel
286 Followers 563 Following comedian and former infant basketball phenom. He/HimWild that they use a picture of a character doing a full week of sex work to make this point. Vivan Ward was ON THE CLOCK!
how I thought I’d look with long hair vs how I actually look with long hair
🚨 The @ClimateCorpsUS website is LIVE! 🚨 Go to climatecorps.gov to find nearly 2K positions in conservation, clean energy and climate resilience. Ready to get to work fighting climate change? Apply today at climatecorps.gov!
We asked couples "What's your partner's least attractive feature?"
Two mayors, two govs, two MTA chairs and god knows how many budgets — proud of the stories on billion dollar stations, unequal COVID and mpox vaccine access, kids left in lead-tainted apartments, and unsafe shelters. It’s been a good run. Got laid off. Will be at the bar.
Me coming to save you Gay Gay
20 minutes on a zoom with nicole kidman.... literal heaven
You’re telling me I’m paying nyc rent prices just to be on the same tectonic plate as Philly and Boston? I’m feeling sick
Who is Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s new boo? Page Six predicts trib.al/bZOgHKV
Gypsy Rose Blanchard to undergo cosmetic surgery as she reconnects with ex-fiancé trib.al/9tPDY0U
Put my dog’s sweater on as a bit..why do I look kinda cvnt
Princess Kate STUNS in new video from the farmers market
people act like going from Brooklyn to Manhattan is hell on earth then literally fly to Tulum for just the weekend
I often say: We Irish are the only people in the world who are nostalgic for the future. We always believe in a better tomorrow. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to the alcoholism that has ravaged my family for generations 💚
Hey Diana Nyad, here’s an idea: try being NORMAL for 60 hours, that would be a real feat of human achievement…
Harry, I’ve struggled with a stutter all of my life. Thank you for telling me about yours, and don’t let anyone tell you it will stop you from achieving your dreams. I’m proud of you.