em @girlfr0g
i have a dyson v8 animal pro+ cordless vacuum cleaner co Joined April 2012-
Tweets8K
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Followers10K
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Following759
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Likes62K
very relatable content, Kwik Trip
was this written by pigpen
the mayor’s purple shorts
you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.
Sorry I made this.
Sorry I made this. https://t.co/K9utiEJoVO
how a data scientist looks at you after you ask him to write just one single function instead of giving you a 933 line unparametrized jupyter notebook with no requirements.txt file
none of these engagement farmers are accounting for the fact that I use a dvorak keyboard
you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
literally every song from Music and Lyrics goes unbelievably hard but also this engagement bait is stupid if the song is in a movie it’s a real song u dumb fuck. here’s ur engagement anyway tho
literally every song from Music and Lyrics goes unbelievably hard but also this engagement bait is stupid if the song is in a movie it’s a real song u dumb fuck. here’s ur engagement anyway tho https://t.co/tvorua7RCl
is that …… the flushing crooner
is that …… the flushing crooner
not special, this happens to me every Monday morning promptly at 9am
not special, this happens to me every Monday morning promptly at 9am
Working from home, I often wake up with exactly however much time I think I’ll need to complete some last minute tasks. What I fail to consider when setting my alarm every night is how much of that time will inevitably be used for shidding and farding
(learning about oj simpson for the first time) are you serious? jesus christ... 143 yards per game???
Natalie @jbfan911
66K Followers 712 Following (in case my employer sees this) I love ethics and HIPAA | she/her
chunky fila @chunkyfila
64K Followers 2K Following (in case God is reading this) nooo i would never talk shit about people on the internet are u kidding me? | inquiries: [email protected]
Matthew @chillwaveguy
12K Followers 5K Following Chungking Express is a 1994 Hong Kong romantic crime comedy-drama anthology film written and directed by Wong Kar-wai.
Saddington 3 (in prod.. @2Saddington
17K Followers 2K Following If you’re reading this, watch Paddington 2 • she/her •
˗ˋˏ*̣̩⋆̩ 𝚍.. @FrickinDelanie
24K Followers 720 Following professional butt-sitter and good time enthusiast 🫧 mutuals: @onlinesuffering
frank @secret_frank_
5K Followers 2K Following
hootie playoff editio.. @hootietheeowl
9K Followers 995 Following latina bonne vivante. bucks in 6. free 🇵🇸
thicc saban @yngjcb
7K Followers 2K Following my name jacob. handle is a college football pun. acab. free palestine. he/him 18+
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Huff @ThaMagicDragon
2K Followers 575 Following Probably late and definitely hungover | dirty commie bastard | he/him/σ♂
kelly @BoyYeetsWorld
31K Followers 2K Following I used to live in South Carolina but now I don’t | extremely successful and wealthy person
Leetaun @Leetaun196112
2 Followers 195 Following
Soapy Water @MD303_pt2
38 Followers 86 Following
Art K @artk_
969 Followers 5K Following Anti-malware professional. Be excellent to each other. Opinions are personal not those of my employer.
BigThickRedd @DRedd2209
313 Followers 3K Following
🪐 Nox !! || FREE �.. @NighttimeNox
30 Followers 62 Following ☆ SM Brainrot | Artist | 19 | Proshippers, ZOOS etc DNI.
Velvet Prison Warden @andyferris
677 Followers 2K Following 6'4" and 190 pounds. He/Him - Gen X - I don’t make the rules but I keep track of fools, especially the ones triggerd by pronouns.
Apollonia Vitelli @HaleyJuuune
653 Followers 1K Following cat mom, boutique lady, photo taker & adventure lover. she/her
JiaTan @reenz0h
335 Followers 3K Following Hacktivist The chief enemy of good decision is the lack of sufficient perspective on a problem.
Dirt Dog @grizzlybizzly
258 Followers 1K Following BJJ Grappler. Outdoor enthusiast. Pretty good dancer. Gardener. Educator. Dad
Theshough @Theshough11073
152 Followers 3K Following
Gasees @Gasees184030
99 Followers 1K Following
Goddard @thedet2737
164 Followers 1K Following
still broken, still a.. @hapless_cog
36 Followers 328 Following just another broken component in god's perfect capitalist machine
guy @on_guy_
542 Followers 2K Following
John Dough @JuanRioRMF
625 Followers 2K Following #TeamCanada #TeamRMF #Threescompany #Mets #Knicks #goonsquad #Bucanneers #teamallmyclothessmelllikedank #paradigm 31
jacob @grilpcheese
41 Followers 201 Following
LearningToFly 🍹 @DownRunnin
551 Followers 814 Following Mommy of 2 preschoolers. I love Bravo and Betty white. I follow back (most of the time) MAGA=instant block.
keef @KeiththeButler
204 Followers 694 Following Shrugs - $1/Shrug. National Parks Service Fan Account
jewish brat @ajewishbrat
2K Followers 3K Following i can’t handle the thought of people not knowing what I am thinking at all times. doctoral student.
honeynut @squeamishsquash
27 Followers 112 Following
Fernando Aldana @Elxolo76
391 Followers 3K Following
Morgan @1mooki2
2 Followers 16 Following
linc @lincnotfound
17K Followers 399 Following just a dude with a photoshop subscription and adderall addiction
Jodi @jodimiddend
8 Followers 42 Following I camp in the wilderness and make videos so you can come with me virtually. I also take pretty photographs.
Shattered @Shatter7343724
4 Followers 3 Following
Justin Henry @justinthenry
365 Followers 2K Following I like books, and food, and growing things https://t.co/uK5UBlx8qy
. @r29998315
0 Followers 2K Following
merada @mereunhinged
5 Followers 27 Following never knows how she feels, has a playlist for every mood
Mary Ko @Koapparelworld
81 Followers 1K Following
Natalie @jbfan911
66K Followers 712 Following (in case my employer sees this) I love ethics and HIPAA | she/her
chunky fila @chunkyfila
64K Followers 2K Following (in case God is reading this) nooo i would never talk shit about people on the internet are u kidding me? | inquiries: [email protected]
Matthew @chillwaveguy
12K Followers 5K Following Chungking Express is a 1994 Hong Kong romantic crime comedy-drama anthology film written and directed by Wong Kar-wai.
Saddington 3 (in prod.. @2Saddington
17K Followers 2K Following If you’re reading this, watch Paddington 2 • she/her •
˗ˋˏ*̣̩⋆̩ 𝚍.. @FrickinDelanie
24K Followers 720 Following professional butt-sitter and good time enthusiast 🫧 mutuals: @onlinesuffering
frank @secret_frank_
5K Followers 2K Following
hootie playoff editio.. @hootietheeowl
9K Followers 995 Following latina bonne vivante. bucks in 6. free 🇵🇸
thicc saban @yngjcb
7K Followers 2K Following my name jacob. handle is a college football pun. acab. free palestine. he/him 18+
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
slick @dlicj
33K Followers 352 Following
Huff @ThaMagicDragon
2K Followers 575 Following Probably late and definitely hungover | dirty commie bastard | he/him/σ♂
kelly @BoyYeetsWorld
31K Followers 2K Following I used to live in South Carolina but now I don’t | extremely successful and wealthy person
Jeff Lawson @jeffiel
46K Followers 155 Following Owner of The Onion. Entrepreneur, ex-CEO and cofounder of Twilio. NYT Worst Selling author.
OMANA @omanatech
18K Followers 5 Following 🚀 Welcome to Omana ! We're reshaping mobile experiences with our all-purpose app. Stay tuned for updates on our journey! #TechStartup #MobileApp #Innovation
ConcernedApe @ConcernedApe
1.2M Followers 93 Following creator of Stardew Valley -- working on "Haunted Chocolatier"
Montessori Boy @montessoriboy
17K Followers 58 Following sketch comedy from 3 upstanding honor roll scholars🧍♂️asian @cowboyscary 🧍♂️gay @juliatesmond 🧍♂️normal @newdiegoabraham
Bweaking NuwuS @BBCBweaking
125K Followers 1 Following Haiiii! Unofficial bweaking news awewts fwom da BBC! :3
Frog and Toad Bot @FrogandToadbot
231K Followers 17 Following Frog & Toad fan page. Tweets every 3 hours. Manual retweets & non-quote/image tweets. Books by Arnold Lobel. Powered by @GimmickBots.
New York Times Pitchb.. @DougJBalloon
264K Followers 4K Following Parody. The really well-trained dog is the one that turns his somersault when there is no whip. merch: https://t.co/3bxNPhdkPL
matt @dogfather
181K Followers 716 Following head human for @dog_rates and @dog_feelings, currently working on @15outof10 | inquiries: [email protected]
Jay Cuda @JayCuda
142K Followers 930 Following I post about #WhiteSox & sports stats • 35 • Golfer ⛳️ Woodworker🪚 MSU '11 Civil engineering
Talkin’ Baseball @TalkinBaseball_
365K Followers 868 Following Baseball podcast brought to you by @JomboyMedia | Hosted by @Jomboy_ @TalkinJake & @trevorplouffe | Produced by @BigBabyDavid_ | https://t.co/qElibfMmSV
Madison Mallards @MadisonMallards
11K Followers 983 Following the official x of the Madison Mallards | we make memes and memories 🦆⚾️
clay ⛷️ @hanfjob
45K Followers 2K Following one time i fell onto the subway tracks email me for whatever [email protected]
Greg Kelly @gregkellyusa
843K Followers 2K Following Newsmax at 9PM ET, WABC Radio 1pm ET, Podcaster: https://t.co/LPbm4bAxiA. Check out my new Book! : https://t.co/mJaod0kNWv
Tweets Wrapped 2021 �.. @TweetWrapped
56K Followers 1 Following Tweet “Make @TweetWrapped” for your 2021 Wrapped 😁🎉 👇👇 Make Instagram quotes & memes from Tweets & TikToks.
gator guy @gatorsafterdark
37K Followers 1K Following seth | tweeting about gators @gatorsdaily | building transit advocacy tools @transitmatters | he/him
Stavros Halkias @stavvybaby
302K Followers 906 Following New special ‘FAT RASCAL’ only on Netflix! Listen to the @stavvysworld podcast available everywhere
Angelo Bautista @angelombautista
507 Followers 1K Following Producer at @WPR @ttbook. he/they. 🇵🇭🏳️🌈
Senator Mike Jones @MikeJonesSez
2K Followers 597 Following i am being mike i'm just a bunch of internet references in a trench coat He/Him
petfinder names @petfindernames
377K Followers 9 Following animals with unconventional names / created by @420insidejob & co-managed by @nicolejusttweet / DM submissions. / Business Inquiries: [email protected]
alec @corn_hug
300 Followers 336 Following where im from, the birds sing a pretty song, and there’s always music in the air
gilbert @memetazaa
8K Followers 2K Following real guy | italian🇮🇹 | virgin | loser | bald | 5'8 | forbes worst 30 under 30 | i love my girlfriend
gaz @gazpachomachine
98K Followers 1K Following Sometimes I review food in the shower | All Reviews: https://t.co/sbof3C7kmr | [email protected] | Text or call me 404-548-8034
Parker @panoparker
11K Followers 731 Following Head of Editorial. Content Creator. Work includes: @netflix/@VICE/@wearecoolr [email protected]
Rolli @rolliwrites
58K Followers 9K Following Author. Cartoonist. Coffeeholic (25 cups/day). Work in @nytimes @WSJ @Playboy @SatEvePost. Newsletter: https://t.co/rA5gYJVh3R. Buy me a ☕: https://t.co/p8MvV8VuZF
rishi @rishipuff
24K Followers 2K Following artist and cyberbully. i write https://t.co/ZkJhrx6Siq and post on https://t.co/xwCDbf9vsL and https://t.co/QOyFQo4X4Z
Curtis Pritchard @CurtisPritchard
90K Followers 141 Following @loveisland 2019 🌴 • Professional Ballroom & Latin #DWTsl
broti gupta @BrotiGupta
91K Followers 1K Following Simpsons writer Indian women’s humor twitter account https://t.co/5I6PCj7FlM
Brently @BrentlyG
4K Followers 44 Following | 25yo | 6'4 | Fitness Influencer and Extreme Positivity
LÜM @lum_xyz
3K Followers 351 Following Music's All-Access Pass to Owning Your Fandom #BuiltOnFLOW #NFT Join our Discord: https://t.co/TuZMbXis6t First Drops Q1 / Q2 2022
sonofmalick @teagueshoup
392 Followers 386 Following Photographer | Eventual Filmmaker | NYC @rich10enbaum
coolgirlonline @coolgirl0nline
32K Followers 212 Following vince vaughn appreciator . 🐸JIMMY AND BABY🐸 new cartoon out now! 👇
Will n. @willniedmann
5K Followers 1K Following let me know if you want to view any tweets +++ @simple__town
Probably.
Jerry Seinfeld says he wouldn’t be able to do many jokes from ‘SEINFELD’ in today’s world. “[One would be] Kramer decides to start a business of having homeless people pull rickshaws because, as he says, ‘They’re outside anyway.’ Do you think I could get that episode on the air…
Every time I step into a kitchen like this I get the urge to underage drink
love to text my wife while we're both in our shared home because she's laying in bed and having an out loud conversation would interrupt her wind down procedure to fall asleep (texting is less of an interruption)
I want to publicly apologize to my dog for yelling at him at 2AM for barking and waking the neighbors. It looks like they were being burglarized and that is why he was on the fence line panicking. His barking alerted them and they called the police, nothing was taken.
you tell em, buddy! proud of you for speaking your mind. how was kindergarten today
Put any of this shit on a burger and we gon have a problem
ngl i doubt either of them could fix my computer
You never see batman and bruce wayne in the same room
White supremacists are now marching in Charleston, West Virginia. With no police in sight.
new yorker cartoon 2024: (woman on bed holding iPhone) "and for my next trick, going to bed without doom scrolling" new yorker cartoon 1934: (man at a party is crawling around on the ground, his wife is holds a martini and explains) "he thinks he's bug"
How difficult laundry would be was also really oversold to me as a child. “Oh boy just you wait until you’re grown up and have to do your own laundry, mister!”…it’s like what 2 hrs of work twice a month to wash and dry clothes. You lied mother.
growing up I really thought bar brawls would be a bigger aspect of my adult life
i thought it would be bigger
Feel like we missed out on something really special
David Cross and Bob Odenkirk were meant to star in a docu-style comedy about rival cult gurus manipulating the minds of their deluded followers. The series got scrapped as the analytics & marketing department didn’t get it. (Source: variety.com/2024/tv/news/d…)
Dan Hentschel has unlocked the raw comedic power of paying for FaceApp Premium
"gimme a billie eilish"
Be the change you wish to see in the world
My movie. My theater. My Dune.
I set out a suitcase to pack for my flight later today and spotted my 3 year old crawling inside it to hide. I casually zipped it up, yelled "I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT, EVERYBODY!", and carried it to the car. I've circled the block twice and my luggage hasn't stopped laughing.
you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.
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