Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle. instagram.com/noahgarfinkel Los Angeles, CA Joined May 2009-
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The woke mind virus, oh you mean the echoey iPhone alarm clock sound? (This is as good a time as any to remind you all that I have to keep tweeting or they will kill my family.)
You can’t even ask what the deal is with something anymore. You can’t ask who these people are.
You can’t even ask what the deal is with something anymore. You can’t ask who these people are.
yea i love colin jost. colin jost to say hello
It’s a beer, Michael, how many equis could it possibly have?
I really appreciate the dismissiveness of saying “20 year old story” like it’s a matter of maturity. Like we were all young and dumb once and shooting dogs in the head.
I really appreciate the dismissiveness of saying “20 year old story” like it’s a matter of maturity. Like we were all young and dumb once and shooting dogs in the head.
The only person I could understand being this afraid of stove and car regulation is Guy Fieri.
The only person I could understand being this afraid of stove and car regulation is Guy Fieri.
Me when Free Willy finally jumped over the thing.
One of the easiest ways to score points as a politician is to simply not admit that you have shot a dog in the head.
If someone I like tweeted “Fuck around and find out? Oh, you mean the scientific method?” it would be fine, but if Neil DeGrasse Tyson tweeted it, it would be deeply unfunny.
One part of me feels like when we argue about what people we disagree with “actually want” it’s easier for them to dismiss us because we’re likely not accurately describing the way they understand their own beliefs, but another part of me is a pot head who likes Little Caesar’s.
The reason some graduations are being cancelled is bad and dumb, but I would have been very happy to not have heard 600 names read alphabetically before having to take hungover pictures with my mom.
Did an odor write this?
I can’t believe how many assholes would have to suddenly drop dead for us to get back to just normal baseline bad.
People are freaking out about this, but this is actually one of the few practical ways you can shoot a 19 year old student in the head without getting close enough for them to potentially make fun of you.
People are freaking out about this, but this is actually one of the few practical ways you can shoot a 19 year old student in the head without getting close enough for them to potentially make fun of you.
This would actually be a funny shirt if all the percentages were very low.
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
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There are over 20 muscles in the head and neck alone. They are responsible for mastication, facial expressions by controlling the mouth, eyes, nose, forehead and ears, and complex movements of the neck. [🎞️ SciePro]
shogun is about a mr. show character that a bunch of samurai have to put up with
He’s hiding in the Facility level in GoldenEye
Investigators have released a computer generated image of a man they would like to identify in connection with a burglary in Tunbridge Wells. kent.police.uk/news/kent/late…
do u know how chronically online u have to be to understand this reference 😹
Zion Williamson saying lackadaisical
When I make love I'm equal parts Ned Flanders and Ace Ventura (I say okily dokily and alrighty then)
yea i love colin jost. colin jost to say hello
I knew they were getting swept the moment he said this 😂😂 “Winners work”
Suns were "championship or bust," so they did hit one of their two goals.
Same amount of wins in the Playoffs
SAM: Three tickets to, um, Chall- uh, Challll... NEAL: What my cineaste friend is trying to say is we would like three of your finest tickets to the critically acclaimed R-rated film Challen- BILL (interrupting): DUNE TWO.
Hi. Welcome to the Anthony Edwards Fan Club. We’re so excited to have you join us.
“what a pro wants, what a pro needs.”
Furious battle of lemon-flavored sodas in these TV commercials.
@NoahGarfinkel HIT THAT POSE TAKE THAT FLICK HIT THAT POSE TAKE THAT FLICK HIT THAT POSE TAKE THAT FLICK … is worse