Mike Michaelson @mike_michaelson
I'm fifty percent responsible for this pizza party. Stratford, CT Joined March 2009-
Tweets1K
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Followers58
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Following160
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Likes542
It's the summer, and this week, I'm gonna eat ice cream every night.
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British people will complain about how Americans pronounce English words and then say, "Let's go get some Tackos".
"The older you get, the darker your eyebrows get, basically." -6 y.o. from the backseat, out of nowhere
It feels weird to drink cold water from a mug. Unexpected cold.
As soon as you have to ask for an apology, that apology becomes meaningless.
If you don't have an old jar of salsa in your fridge, I don't trust you.
So I can't ever listen to the Jimmy Page and Diddy collaboration, Come With Me, from the 2000 Godzilla movie ever again? I'll fuckin bite you!
I think a lot of people forget or don't know that you can feel some way about something, and not say anything about it. Just keep it to yourself sometimes.
I think that when people say, "I'm not sure about that", most of the time, they're pretty sure.
I let my daughter paint my nails today for the first time, and I don't know if you know this, but you can FEEL this stuff on your fingernails. It's very strange. But I have lovely lavender fingies.
I don't think I have ever wanted anything as much as I wanted a laser pointer when I was 12.
Remember that stuff that you could put on your fingers, then stick your fingers together and pull them apart a bunch of times and it would make smoke? What the fuck was that stuff?
Sometimes I'll let my fingernails get extra long, then go buy a big bag of pistachios.
As a logical person, I understand that the socks and underwear combination I have on when I watch the game has absolutely no effect on the outcome. But also, it's not NOT working. #cutlets
I'm going up like a robot. I'm going down like a hawk.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet cause, for some reason, I leave it there sometimes. #kingmissle #dp
I love the way my kid thinks. She said this as she was falling asleep. Z: Numbers just keep going forever, right. Me: Yes that's right. Z: That's annoying. She's right, that IS annoying. Come on numbers, have an end!
No matter the amount of cheez-its you put in front of me, I WILL eat all of them.
If wishes were horses, we'd all be Cowboys. -Tierna #CBB @TrondyNewman
Mike Michaelson retweeted
To all the grandparents out there… we know what you guys did to make our parents. 🤢🤢🤮
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