Mary Johnson @silverwareplath
some lady Joined May 2009-
Tweets293
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Followers149
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Following218
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Likes6K
Nothing more vaudevillian than trying to get exactly 2 advil out of the bottle
Me with my air drums waiting for that one part in the phil collins song
White lotus theme song walked so whopper whopper whopper whopper could run
Happy day of 🤪wacky corporate hijinks🤪 to those who celebrate! We opened a store on the moon! We’re changing our name to poopoo peepee! We worship satan and heretofore will be burning our CEO at the stake on instagram live! JUST KIDDING IDIOTS wasn’t that fun ha ha buy a shirt
Gun to my head I couldn’t tell you what the toaster does differently when you select “bagel” but I press it because honesty is so important
Every single morning I wake up looking like Mia thermopolis’s “before” pic and every single morning, by the time I leave the house, I still look that way but without the glasses
Tomato from veggie tales and red m&m are the same, vibes wise
no better feeling than when you finish a good book & can finally eat the bookmark
This is what happens to me when I take out my contacts at night
Improve public transit by adding a whoopie cushion to every seat on the bus
Crime scene photographer: ok now let’s do a silly one
Bring back girls who like one specific color of jelly bean and boys who sort through hundreds of jelly beans by hand to fill a jar with just that one color of jelly bean as a romantic gesture
Covid test reveal where you invite your closest friends and family to pop a balloon full of your own infectious droplets
Every president should have to do the presidential fitness test on live television. VP holds down their feet during the sit ups
hey man you have a beautiful smile :) were you born of natural means or are you the result of an experiment?
Turns out you can destroy a horcrux with equal parts vinegar and warm water
Some of you will need to check your bags at the gate because the little elves who live in the overhead compartments would like more space to run around
There are instagram brands making at home antigen tests now so you can look cool and rich while still not knowing whether you have covid
Are you a bright young go-getter with your whole life ahead of you or are you just walking down a city street wearing a long coat
mdollar @MatthewOgb68834
1 Followers 30 Following
Jay Harrington @MabelDiaz160160
60 Followers 390 Following Passionate about movie prod& networking, mentoring to captivate attention & showcase ideas, skills, & unique talents. Unleash potential with a winning attitude!
Conner Adlhoch @ConnerAdlhoch
0 Followers 26 Following
Marcelina @marcelina_guthr
254 Followers 3K Following
General Randy A. Geor... @Angelinaro17091
35 Followers 407 Following WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL INSTAGRAM PAGE OF GEN RANDY A GEORGE THE 40TH CHIEF OF STUFF OF THE U.S
Matt Matsimus @MMatsimus2983
29 Followers 196 Following I’m a military office with integrity and FairPlay behavior 💕
Dennis Joseph @DennisJ22881983
7 Followers 118 Following
Heather Chadwell @hchadwell
31 Followers 107 Following
H @JeremyL37904816
8 Followers 141 Following
Sean @introspec_sean
14 Followers 15 Following Does he garden? No. Well then what the fuck does he do?
Zach Baker (Parody) @zachthebaker_
20 Followers 108 Following I want it all, Applebottom jeans, AND the boots with the fur.
Riley Gaucher @badLuckRiley12
160 Followers 492 Following Retweets ARE endorsements @Hockey_Assist podcast! Too verbose for Twitter, but here I am
. @1357911xyzyz
65 Followers 77 Following
Drew Phillippi @drewxphillippi
134 Followers 332 Following Hereby making @Twitter my main bc @Instagram locked me out and left me on read
Action Dinosaur @AkshunDinosaur
3K Followers 4K Following I AM A TIME TRAVELING DINOSAUR FROM THE PREHISTORIC EIGHTIES. I AM ALSO A CARTOON STARRING @KYLEKINANE. WATCH ON YOUTUBE NOW - https://t.co/0V8DxQkndz
Resistance Coalition @CoalitionResist
45K Followers 48K Following Organizations and People united for mass, sustained activism. Join the fight against the Trump/GOP agenda.
Reince Priebus @Reincepriebus10
7 Followers 101 Following My Names is Mr.Reinhold Richard "Reince" Priebus i am an American lawyer and politician who served as White House chief of staff for President Donald Trump
Kelsey Jones @kmadjones
375 Followers 334 Following
Joseph Pack 🚲 @JPack95
285 Followers 844 Following Marketing @NMDP_Org | Here for the vibes | He/Him.
Will Ingram @WillIngram97
17 Followers 195 Following
cassandra🤍🫒🪩 @cassarole17
312 Followers 560 Following mayor of yap city (she/her/hers) tiktok @cassarole517
Andrew @comptoncarlson
208 Followers 1K Following BLM | he/him | for my professional account, follow @gracegcarlson
Greg Johnson @GregJ_FlyTheW
14 Followers 104 Following
Sawyer Randles @sgrandles
173 Followers 394 Following
Tessa Manahan @tessa_manahan
183 Followers 220 Following
marco adobo @marcogsevilla
271 Followers 667 Following
Sethiey @Setheiy
92 Followers 114 Following
Sierra @haddocksd
45 Followers 104 Following
Bree Shaw @breemaryn
54 Followers 127 Following Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. ~The Lorax
Yellow Glass Media @YellowGlass_
43 Followers 46 Following Bringing empathy and action to media coverage. Tell us your thoughts on the media you get everyday
Dylan Kinsella @kinsella_dylan
41 Followers 126 Following
a @lolennui
39K Followers 3K Following
Willy Shakes @IAM_SHAKESPEARE
52K Followers 547 Following (currently broken) This bot has tweeted the complete works of William Shakespeare 6x since 2009. This is round #7. Created by @strebel
Dan Gurewitch @DanGurewitch
27K Followers 385 Following TV & film writer. Below are my secrets, don’t tell.
Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
47K Followers 1K Following Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle.
Poorly Translated Shi... @translatedtees
154K Followers 35 Following lost in translation, found across the world.
Alex Edelman @AlexEdelman
41K Followers 2K Following Comedian. JUST FOR US is on @HBO. loves ramen and black & white cookies and strange novels.
Martin Herlihy @martinmherlihy
101K Followers 532 Following Also in a sketch group with my friends https://t.co/6Gaw4SYfsm
pat regan @poregan
58K Followers 635 Following i’m a 3rd generation matchmaker with an extremely high success rate.
Nathan W Pyle @nathanwpyle
271K Followers 3K Following Married to @tayloralexypyle / #1 NYT Bestseller: Strange Planet / NYT Bestseller: NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette / formerly @BuzzFeed / I follow Jesus
Atsuko Okatsuka @AtsukoComedy
75K Followers 2K Following Watch my new comedy special "Father" on @Hulu + @disneyplus! Come see me live on TOUR👇 1/2 Taiwanese 1/2 Japanese 🤗 in LA ❤️ Ambassador Of Joy
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi
178K Followers 7K Following “you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coach
Aisling Bea @WeeMissBea
501K Followers 2K Following Actor/Writer/Stand Up/Medicinal Foot Pic Model. Watch #ThisWayUp 1&2 on Hulu 🇺🇸 Ch4🇬🇧 🇮🇪 & more. #AliceAndJack out now on Ch4 & @masterpiecepbs in 🇺🇸
Sean @introspec_sean
14 Followers 15 Following Does he garden? No. Well then what the fuck does he do?
cakes with threatenin... @threateningcake
212K Followers 1 Following an educational account about cakes
Zach Baker (Parody) @zachthebaker_
20 Followers 108 Following I want it all, Applebottom jeans, AND the boots with the fur.
Reductress @Reductress
282K Followers 597 Following The one and only fake women's news magazine. Shop, learn and listen to everything Reductress: https://t.co/rZ2ivP7vKO
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz
85K Followers 1K Following Send me your address so I can visit you and explain my passions
dud chumpylips @amfmpm
18K Followers 1K Following this website is a chemical toilet and you should leave too
Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi @roywoodjr
417K Followers 6K Following Preorder ‘The Man of Many Fathers' Now! out 10/28 @CrownPublishing. Watch LONELY FLOWERS @hulu FMR: @TheDailyShow CURRENT: @HignfyUS on CNN FOREVER: FAMU
Nikki Glaser @NikkiGlaser
494K Followers 2K Following comedian with my own reality series “Welcome Home Nikki Glaser?” that starts May 1st on E! I also do a podcast, tour, and host fboy island.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace
815K Followers 5K Following The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.
Sudi Green @Sudi_Green
23K Followers 741 Following (she/her) Model, Activist, writes for SNL & Shrill
Steven Castillo @STEEEZUSCHRIST
19K Followers 3K Following cartoon network’s “comics to watch,” @nbcsnl, just for laughs
charlie @chunkbardey
100K Followers 921 Following here for a good time and a long time. ultimately a comedian. is this helping??? i have a podcast called @ExplorationLive
Meg Stalter @megstalter
163K Followers 2K Following My name is Meg Stalter I’m 5’7 I’m living in LA and a fun fact about me is something bad happened to my cousin https://t.co/7VYjghT2Ta
Anna Drezen @annadrezen
51K Followers 952 Following PRAISE PETEY x SNL x GIRLS5EVA x MIRACLE WORKERS x LOOKING AT/THINKING ABOUT DOGS
Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes
1.2M Followers 858 Following Tix for improv tour shows at https://t.co/BfAqa2o7Hy New Merch at https://t.co/kTyLGqnJo7. Sonic 4 coming in 2027.
Streeter Seidell @streetseidell
39K Followers 746 Following writer for @nbcsnl now and @collegehumor then
Kylie Brakeman @deadeyebrakeman
169K Followers 1K Following actor, TV writer (tonight show, kids tonight show)
Mike Birbiglia @birbigs
569K Followers 1K Following My new standup special, The Old Man & The Pool, is available on Netflix. Currently on tour in a city near you.
Sarah Cooper @sarahcpr
1.7M Followers 4K Following Writer and comedian. Ask me if Zombo is right for youTrends for United States
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