Jared Stern @sternanigans
"time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana" - Groucho Marx Joined April 2009-
Tweets354
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Followers61
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Following74
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Likes192
So I guess this twitter thing is still around.
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Fist Fight is the opposite of Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ever do laundry but dont put it away for a week and even though you know they’re clean they feel dirty so you wash them again yea me neither
Cracked pepper makes anything seem fancy
You are until you're not, and then you will be forever
[Inventing passive aggression] Skeptics: But how will they know? Inventor: Oh... they'll know.
Jared Stern retweeted
If you think you look old in a Photo you just took, consider instead that you will never again be that young.
@McDonalds so... there's a man pleasuring himself for he entire drive thru line. Called your store 5 times. No response. Suggestions? lol
Got a couple breaking up at my bar right now. Gonna ask if they would like the check split
Anyone notice that in the new @normmacdonald special, his feet never move. Not once. Comedy was great, but I worry about his circulation
Jared Stern retweeted
Show me a Nation with a science-hostile government, and I'll show you a society with failing health, wealth, & security.
Watch @LindseyGrahamSC townhall on mute. He looks like the 3rd understudy for a Community Theatre's production of The Music Man
Netflix: Are you still watching? Me: My life? Slip away? Why yes, yes I am
... and then I ate the mashed potatoes. #DonaldTrump
Virginia in Texas @VirginiaInTexas
1K Followers 627 Following Feminist. Trekkie. 🖖🏻 ENM. I have Fibromyalgia and it sucks. She/her.
Jared Stern @jaredstern
1K Followers 613 Following Aspiring. @DCSuperPets. Green Eggs & Ham. @LEGOBatmanMovie. Happy Anniversary.
Christopher Papa @sevenonesixer
251 Followers 704 Following Hubby, Father to 5, Nonnu to 1; Digital Marketing guy; I build with wood for fun and sim race for glory. Lactose argumentative.
Funemployment @BlochMatheson
551 Followers 3K Following Copy Editor/Freelance V-O Artist, beltway resider, and political junkie. Fan of: horror, detective/crime fiction, sci fi, comic books, and comedy.
Brandon Alberda @brandonalberda
127 Followers 433 Following Husband | Girl Dad | Comedian | Podcaster @notesmcgotespod
Between Two Sterns @B2Sterns
56 Followers 89 Following Join the Jareds Stern (@FunnyJared/@sternanigans) in an exercise in benign narcissism as they explore their personal multiverse and constant need for attention.
Pokemon Go Bucks @PokemonGoBucks
28 Followers 19 Following Pokémon Go for Bucks County Pennsylvania Players
Janelle Martinez @Janelle88884
425 Followers 3K Following French inspired beauty salon.We love beauty therapy and we love our planet too! Colorado
monicamo108 @mojing108_lq
2 Followers 67 Following
𝘙𝘪𝘥𝘻⚡�... @LaDeeDaaDee
475 Followers 3K Following hello from a happy soul 🌸 #BlackLivesMatter #StopAsianHate #FreePalestine 🇵🇸
👑🐝 @69Beth69
680 Followers 863 Following
j!ii @scrfgrl
45 Followers 296 Following Friendly, funny, full of sarcasm, and in complete denial most days. Perfectly imperfect in everything I do.
Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
2.1M Followers 1.3M Following Music. Comedy. Fitness. Outrageous!.... I explain in the video here→https://t.co/ieA94HDzQu
Sandra @sabine672
5 Followers 60 Following
@[email protected]... @JonBaker
12K Followers 10K Following Gamer, geek, Mensan, and lover of all things comedy. Creator of the webcomic Alarmingly Bad (@AlarminglyBad)
Ashley Erin @ashleyerinkt
2 Followers 4 Following
krystal osborne @krystalosborne
65 Followers 238 Following comedian. writer. director. actress. incredible high fiver. try me.
Guy Ranting @AGuyRanting
110 Followers 378 Following There comes a time when you just have to say what you think. Know what I mean?
Alex Tomlinson @MEG_A_TOM
128 Followers 374 Following
merr kerrt @mk__miller
237 Followers 223 Following My father always said it best, burn the world down til there’s nothing left.
Chad E C @MrAmbitious1090
172 Followers 513 Following Positive Thoughts Brings Positive Life http://t.co/9IBlQ2EDqU #templemade
mommaunfiltered @MommaUnfiltered
15K Followers 670 Following as the mother of a 25, 15, & 12YO I’m uniquely qualified to say kids suck at any age
𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐞�... @AndrewHuxley_
2K Followers 2K Following Navigating complexity. Advancing understanding. Inspiring unity through curiosity, insight, and compassion. @xmoney
Mr. Onederful® @ericonederful
22K Followers 15K Following Comedy writer | Featured on @reddit, @eentertainment , @knowyourmeme , @yahoo , and more! 🎙️📝 Creator of The @onederfulstrip
Christina Shipp @ChristinaShipp
1K Followers 1K Following Bohemian Wild w Straight Southern Charm. https://t.co/SvKktO8zQ5
Ed @EdbrohamLincoln
12K Followers 11K Following Presidential historian with no body of work to show for it besides tweets.
The Drunk Geek @TheDrunkGeek
96 Followers 547 Following Drunk. Geek. All things geeky & boozy related.
Josh Breslow @JoshBreslow
158 Followers 80 Following #actor #writer TV: #nashville #dwightinshiningarmor @newgirlonfox Film: #trialbyfiremovie #jackreachernevergoback #loveandotherdrugs
Benson Church @Benson_corgi
329 Followers 225 Following Benson. Professional Corgi in WaHi. Noms enthusiast. I live with @erynroberts and @thedrunkgeek.![A biographical chronical of Connor [Typical] Stern's daily decisions.](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/416617604636495872/ZIH50sCW.jpeg)
Typical Connor @TypicalStern
16 Followers 104 Following A biographical chronical of Connor [Typical] Stern's daily decisions.
Shirtless Cloon @shirtlesscloon
19 Followers 176 Following
Erin Roberts @erynroberts
429 Followers 684 Following i want to make money pretending to be other people in fictional situations. @benson_corgi is my bud. TikTok: @erynroberts0
jeremyah @jeremyah78
63 Followers 307 Following
Teri M @statikradio
131 Followers 144 Following Singer/songwriter, adventurer, art & design enthusiast, foodie, sci-fi & anime fan, gamer, baker, home decor connoisseur, sex-ed champion, & mom.
Typical Connor @TypicalStern
16 Followers 104 Following A biographical chronical of Connor [Typical] Stern's daily decisions.
Jared Stern @jaredstern
1K Followers 613 Following Aspiring. @DCSuperPets. Green Eggs & Ham. @LEGOBatmanMovie. Happy Anniversary.
Between Two Sterns @B2Sterns
56 Followers 89 Following Join the Jareds Stern (@FunnyJared/@sternanigans) in an exercise in benign narcissism as they explore their personal multiverse and constant need for attention.
Melanie Hutsell @Melanie_hutsell
797 Followers 528 Following Mom, Wife, SNL Alum, and have been a supporter of the LGBTQ community long before it had a name.
Jared Harris🎭 @JaredHarris
54K Followers 196 Following Formerly verified on Twitter, Actor, @Allegratastic’s husband, Stream “The Ghost of Richard Harris” where you can #TeamHarris
(parody) BILL NYE THO @Bill_Nye_Tho
170K Followers 1K Following i ain't the real bill nye but i am the realest bill nye (Parody / Satire Account. Not Affiliated with Bill Nye @BillNye).
Kari Matchett @TheKariMatchett
11K Followers 221 Following Actress, Mother of Jude the Dude, and Old School Muppet Enthusiast
Edward Snowden @Snowden
5.5M Followers 1 Following I used to work for the government, but now I work for the public.
𝘙𝘪𝘥𝘻⚡�... @LaDeeDaaDee
475 Followers 3K Following hello from a happy soul 🌸 #BlackLivesMatter #StopAsianHate #FreePalestine 🇵🇸
Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson
341K Followers 486 Following video maker • pro gamer • #1 avatarhead na'vi nation zola‘u nìprrte’ • sonic fans don't interact
Apple Jean @CrabappleTweets
7K Followers 6K Following
ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz
17K Followers 5K Following Winging this life. Check back for no helpful tips whatsoever. https://t.co/8mX27QK6yN
Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
2.1M Followers 1.3M Following Music. Comedy. Fitness. Outrageous!.... I explain in the video here→https://t.co/ieA94HDzQu
Stephen Ellis @thestephenellis
145 Followers 99 Following Actor (Delivery Man w/Vince Vaughn, Coen Brothers' 'Hail Caesar,' 'A Reasonable Request'), Wendy's 2017 Super Bowl Ad, BBQ Enthusiast, Drought Fighter.
DemonDastardly @mydmac
63K Followers 1K Following My tweets are my own, unless it’s a common ass phrase or cliche, ya moron -Memento Mori https://t.co/1xSHeAgHMT
ugh* @heatherlou_
31K Followers 3K Following proud mommy and original gangsta. toad and football. https://t.co/pD5ViXWnTB
Sandra @Sanbel11
12K Followers 743 Following I’m not leaving till the lights turn off https://t.co/SBCGHt0EHf
Anna Nonymous @osoplain
19K Followers 9K Following Actions behind the words mean everything @E_lok44 is the leader of my goof troop.
Eddie Izzard @eddieizzard
3.7M Followers 545 Following For all tickets & info: https://t.co/b4o99kMzq1
@[email protected]... @JonBaker
12K Followers 10K Following Gamer, geek, Mensan, and lover of all things comedy. Creator of the webcomic Alarmingly Bad (@AlarminglyBad)
Ashley Erin @ashleyerinkt
2 Followers 4 Following
Amir @AmirAminiMD
70K Followers 270 Following
Mark Ruffalo @MarkRuffalo
7.9M Followers 2K Following A husband, father, actor, director, & a climate justice advocate with an eye out for a better, brighter, cleaner, & more hopeful future for all of us.
Dr. Jill Stein🌻 @DrJillStein
379K Followers 2K Following Medical doctor. Presidential candidate. People. Planet. Peace. Campaign updates at @TeamJillStein
John Lewis @repjohnlewis
908K Followers 138 Following Congressman, Georgia's Fifth Congressional District
Mark @NoticablyBacon
21K Followers 7K Following According to my degree I'm some kind of writer, but I've been writing forever. So really I'm just a guy in a lot of debt.
Alex Tomlinson @MEG_A_TOM
128 Followers 374 Following
merr kerrt @mk__miller
237 Followers 223 Following My father always said it best, burn the world down til there’s nothing left.
Chad E C @MrAmbitious1090
172 Followers 513 Following Positive Thoughts Brings Positive Life http://t.co/9IBlQ2EDqU #templemade
Live Laugh Love @livel4aughlove
99K Followers 90 Following
mommaunfiltered @MommaUnfiltered
15K Followers 670 Following as the mother of a 25, 15, & 12YO I’m uniquely qualified to say kids suck at any age
Val @ValeeGrrl
22K Followers 1K Following Chicken Nuggets • knitting • dogs • running • reading • judging •
𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐞�... @AndrewHuxley_
2K Followers 2K Following Navigating complexity. Advancing understanding. Inspiring unity through curiosity, insight, and compassion. @xmoney
Uber Support @Uber_Support
800K Followers 4K Following Official support handle for @Uber. Lost something? https://t.co/qdye6SPz9y
Ask Lyft @AskLyft
84K Followers 5K Following Official Twitter support channel of @Lyft. We're available 24/7 to help.
C𝔞𝔰𝔰idy Rout... @cassidyrouth
1K Followers 554 Following Graphics & VFX / FL: born & raise NY: live & die / she/her
ŵ͂̌́͝͡ylde d̵�... @flashember
11K Followers 438 Following the immortal wildebeest clatters on and on and on /avi by @fro_vo header by @DocHackenbush
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