Jason Sweeney @sween
limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper sween.carbonmade.com Toronto, Ontario, Canada Joined November 2007-
Tweets11K
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Followers909K
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Following245
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Likes116K
It’s International Women’s Day and I believe all men and women should be equal but my wife says I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility.
i love dune 2. dune 2 others as you would have them dune 2 you
Happy Valentine's Day, @damselesque. You could have had your pick of anyone, but instead you decided to waste your life with me.
Second year in a row a commercial I wrote has played during the Super Bowl ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᑦᵃⁿᵃᵈⁱᵃⁿ ᶠᵉᵉᵈ
Taylor Swift saw her shadow today, so we're going to have six more weeks of the Deep State.
Just tested positive for Covid, so this is probably the end. (My symptoms are mild, but my wife will kill me if I get her sick.)
The traditional 19th wedding anniversary gift is bronze. Which my wife says is perfect, because I’m a bronze-medal husband.
If you hit play on “Master and Commander” at 11:57 tonight, your girlfriend will fall asleep exactly at midnight.
Don’t let your kids check the Santa tracker right now! For some reason it currently says he’s “porking his wife.”
A shoutout to foldout couches in your in-laws’ basements — you are the true hero this holiday season.
I bet the first time Shakespeare saw a set of twins he was like “oh this is gonna be huge for me”
Happy Gotcha Day, Rory. Please don’t kill me.
Anyone else straighten up so FaceID won’t see your double chin?
WIFE: how do you spell “anticipation”? ME: A-N-T-I-P… WIFE: … ME: … WIFE: … ME: … WIFE: I hate you.
Rex Huppke @RexHuppke
96K Followers 1K Following (VERY SERIOUS) @USATODAY humor(ish) columnist. Hypocrisy enthusiast. WOKE MOB, CO-FOUNDER. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present).
katie @katefeetie
9K Followers 2K Following I am in the cereal aisle of your local Target, realizing that my existence is meaningless, then buying Frosted Mini Wheats. writer @wknyc. she/her.
John Gruber @gruber
358K Followers 2K Following Threads: @gruber ★ Mastodon: https://t.co/zMmW95yISs ★ Bluesky: @gruber.foo
Mike Monteiro, cisgen.. @monteiro
68K Followers 1K Following This is a personal account and does not reflect the opinions of my boss, who is an asshole. he/him https://t.co/oiYcmnwauq
lauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelauren
donni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.
Alison Agosti @AlisonAgosti
172K Followers 1K Following Twitter Ent | Writer: Inside Job • Close Enough • Brooklyn 99 • Late Night with Seth Meyers • Several Well Meaning Yet Cancelled Shows • The Emmys Once
Avery Edison @aedison
52K Followers 324 Following Briefly a comedian • Streaming videogames every day https://t.co/HwhnLQyeuW • Or check me out on onlyfans https://t.co/UJuklUlV50 • Trans woman (she/her)
Tim Siedell @badbanana
700K Followers 234 Following Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
Richard Smallbone @rsmallbone
2K Followers 1K Following Opinions are barely my own. Retweets mean I love you. Black Lives Matter. Antifascist. He/him. 🇨🇦🇬🇧
Erin Margrethe @erinmargrethe
3K Followers 1K Following Professional Foot Scrubber / amateur dog butt-wiper @alittlehitch
Derek of the Edmund F.. @pantse_macabre
3K Followers 1K Following he/him/his … ADHD … bananaphone stan … coffee stan … keto/IF stan ... electronica stan … ellipses stan … America has too many cars and guns
Uncle Dynamite @UncleDynamite
22K Followers 903 Following Candidate for sainthood. “The opinion of 10,000 people is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject.” -Marcus Aurelius
Alexho Silh Peky @Alexand80938286
1 Followers 191 Following
Michelle Lim @Michell55089464
0 Followers 4 Following
Theresa Bennett @TheresaBen71131
0 Followers 4 Following
Sara Wagmister @SWagmister72405
0 Followers 4 Following
Ann Johnson @ann_johnso15771
0 Followers 4 Following
Amber King @AmberKing1421
0 Followers 4 Following
Eleanya Favour Kalu @Felicitoushouk
17 Followers 333 Following
Lisa Green @GreenLisa25012
0 Followers 4 Following
Jason Stein @JasonStein98848
852 Followers 2K Following
Natasha @Natasha07162
28 Followers 309 Following Don’t lose yourself trying to find something that doesn’t exist. Yolo
Jonelle Tidwell @JonelleTid22942
0 Followers 5 Following
Katie Wells @KatieWells90580
0 Followers 6 Following
Gina Knight @GinaKnight36747
0 Followers 4 Following
Chanteuse Irizarry @ChanteuseI61928
0 Followers 4 Following
Christina Lee @ChristinaL33277
0 Followers 4 Following
Adele Kotkas @djborboleta
13 Followers 254 Following
Sarah Ulmer @ulmer_sara36349
0 Followers 5 Following
Gina Martinez @martinez_g92620
0 Followers 5 Following
April Taylor @taylor_apr18879
0 Followers 5 Following
Jenny Foster @JennyFoste2220
0 Followers 4 Following
Kara Toledo @KaraToledo11454
0 Followers 4 Following
Lorence paul @NwakaemeChibui1
24 Followers 202 Following
toby zane bazan @toby_zane_bazan
202 Followers 5K Following yes iam still single and heartbroken by my ex girlfriend rita ann pelley is a sore loser and a witch hunt and a witch craft
Monica Subramanian @MonicaSubr92246
0 Followers 4 Following
baiyun @baiyun1361115
18 Followers 64 Following The world's leading economic platform for Web3 short video creators
Forex mastet @ForexMaste98110
152 Followers 2K Following
Lucy Fuller @LucyFuller46029
0 Followers 4 Following
Liz Allen @AllenLiz34392
0 Followers 6 Following
Victoria Young @VYoung37441
0 Followers 4 Following
Patrice Jones @PatriceJon16441
0 Followers 4 Following
Karen Toledo @KarenToled6409
0 Followers 4 Following
Mr jhon 1 @Mrjhon1416542
202 Followers 1K Following
pin kl @bbulech
21 Followers 105 Following
free signal @FaheemKhan52741
168 Followers 2K Following
Jessi Thompson @JessiThomp22422
0 Followers 5 Following
Daniel @Daniel956663
22 Followers 149 Following
Susan Belcher @belcher_su21730
0 Followers 5 Following
mohd isa hussin @mohdisahussin1
5 Followers 181 Following
Amanda Navarro @AmandaNava79899
0 Followers 5 Following
Andrew coke @andre46092
28 Followers 271 Following
Miles @Miles622628
15 Followers 230 Following
德里克 @dlk61035
5 Followers 201 Following
Janene Rime @RimeJanene70373
0 Followers 4 Following
Rex Huppke @RexHuppke
96K Followers 1K Following (VERY SERIOUS) @USATODAY humor(ish) columnist. Hypocrisy enthusiast. WOKE MOB, CO-FOUNDER. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present).
katie @katefeetie
9K Followers 2K Following I am in the cereal aisle of your local Target, realizing that my existence is meaningless, then buying Frosted Mini Wheats. writer @wknyc. she/her.
John Gruber @gruber
358K Followers 2K Following Threads: @gruber ★ Mastodon: https://t.co/zMmW95yISs ★ Bluesky: @gruber.foo
Mike Monteiro, cisgen.. @monteiro
68K Followers 1K Following This is a personal account and does not reflect the opinions of my boss, who is an asshole. he/him https://t.co/oiYcmnwauq
lauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelauren
donni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.
Alison Agosti @AlisonAgosti
172K Followers 1K Following Twitter Ent | Writer: Inside Job • Close Enough • Brooklyn 99 • Late Night with Seth Meyers • Several Well Meaning Yet Cancelled Shows • The Emmys Once
Avery Edison @aedison
52K Followers 324 Following Briefly a comedian • Streaming videogames every day https://t.co/HwhnLQyeuW • Or check me out on onlyfans https://t.co/UJuklUlV50 • Trans woman (she/her)
Tim Siedell @badbanana
700K Followers 234 Following Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
barthanie flat @CcSteff
5K Followers 236 Following I like to sleep late and party like Laverne and Shirley.
Richard Smallbone @rsmallbone
2K Followers 1K Following Opinions are barely my own. Retweets mean I love you. Black Lives Matter. Antifascist. He/him. 🇨🇦🇬🇧
Erin Margrethe @erinmargrethe
3K Followers 1K Following Professional Foot Scrubber / amateur dog butt-wiper @alittlehitch
Derek of the Edmund F.. @pantse_macabre
3K Followers 1K Following he/him/his … ADHD … bananaphone stan … coffee stan … keto/IF stan ... electronica stan … ellipses stan … America has too many cars and guns
Uncle Dynamite @UncleDynamite
22K Followers 903 Following Candidate for sainthood. “The opinion of 10,000 people is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject.” -Marcus Aurelius
Leo Burnett Toronto @LeoBurnettTO
3K Followers 198 Following Bettering the relationship between brands and people. #LeoTO
HUMAN-B-GON @HumanBGon
775 Followers 1K Following Excited about the AI Takeover? LOL at a future where robots capture stray humans. On all castpod platforms.
President of Jelly Be.. @jellybeansprez
66 Followers 84 Following I'm the President of Jelly Beans!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! Sarah Adams (she/her)
Stevie Martin @5tevieM
82K Followers 2K Following comedian/writer and @nobodypanicpod and same handle on IG and its fine ok its really fine no really
cats being weird litt.. @weirdlilguys
2.1M Followers 25 Following wlg fan club 🐈 dm for submissions + credit! • IG: @ catsbeingweirdlittleguys • partnerships: [email protected] • TEES N STICKERS 👇👇
Brimley/Cocoon Line @BrimleyLine
51K Followers 1 Following When 'Cocoon' reached theaters on June 21, 1985, Wilford Brimley was 18,530 days old. Here, we make note of people who have reached that age.
Alasdair Beckett-King @MisterABK
109K Followers 4K Following Award-winning poltergeist and comedian | UK Tour: https://t.co/xRmZ1HMrIf | Books: https://t.co/7LYG9aR1sa | Pronouns like a butler coughing: he/him
TJ Luoma @tjluoma
1K Followers 600 Following He/Him. PC(USA) pastor of 1st Presbyterian/Plattsburgh, NY but don't blame them for what I say. Also a tech nerd. Occasional strong language. I'm trying, Ringo.
Shane Cyr @shanecyr
56 Followers 125 Following Editor in Chief of The Atlantic. Views and opinions are fed to me by government radio signals through my fillings.
Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy
205K Followers 1K Following ancient reptile. stern but fair. | Omar on Platonic | Apple TV+
Ted Lasso @TedLasso
869K Followers 200 Following Father. Diamond Dog. Proud coach of Henry’s soccer team. I have a real tricky time hearing folks that don't believe in themselves!
AFC Richmond @AFCRichmond
450K Followers 31 Following Official AFC Richmond Twitter account #RichmondTillWeDie
฿∈Ⓩ @dailybez
2K Followers 218 Following
Muse by Clio @MusebyClio
8K Followers 1K Following The best in creativity from the advertising world + beyond. Creator of Tagline, winner of Best Marketing Podcast of '21 at Adweek’s Podcast of the Year Awards.
Sarah Andersen @SarahCAndersen
936K Followers 2K Following Author of Sarah's Scribbles, FANGS, and Cryptid Club she/her No NFTs 🚫 Inquiries: [email protected]
Bodega Cats @Bodegacats_
1.1M Followers 9 Following
Nathan W Pyle @nathanwpyle
301K Followers 3K Following Married to @tayloralexypyle / #1 NYT Bestseller: Strange Planet / NYT Bestseller: NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette / formerly @BuzzFeed / I follow Jesus
Sam Neill @TwoPaddocks
491K Followers 37K Following Proprietor of TwoPaddocks - in the cheering up business since 1993. Also seen acting on occasion.
shauna @goldengateblond
340K Followers 2K Following I didn’t pay for this shit. goldengateblond on all the platforms.
Patrick Stewart @SirPatStew
3.4M Followers 202 Following My memoir, Making It So, is available now. 📚
darth™ @darth
217K Followers 4K Following not the darth you are looking for @[email protected] @darthbluesky.bsky.social
Strategy @StrategyOnline
34K Followers 771 Following Strategy Magazine uncovers and shares the “bold vision, brand new ideas” of Canada’s national marketing community.
Aparna Nancherla 🇵.. @aparnapkin
522K Followers 3K Following comedian person mostly here to feel bad. UNRELIABLE NARRATOR now out from @vikingbooks
@[email protected] @jsatk
1K Followers 806 Following Cohost of @detunedradiopod. Husband to @lcatk. I code for money. My primary social media home is now here: https://t.co/AhleQiNPWm
ceej @ceejoyner
43K Followers 294 Following
Glenn Fleishman @glen.. @GlennF
27K Followers 6K Following Mastodon @[email protected] Bluesky @glennf.bsky.social The “flong” guy: https://t.co/w7j3XvhsuX for what THAT means. Type historian, Jeopardy champ
TJ Pigéon @tjpigeon
13 Followers 42 Following Yes, it’s me, but sometimes I just need a private place where I can say things without the whole world watching.
Joan Marilyn Smith @joansmith46
6 Followers 1 Following
Heidi Loves Dogs (hei.. @heiditron3000
4K Followers 508 Following Comedian and dog trainer. mostly asleep. she/her. sort of fun.
MetaFilter @metafilter
3K Followers 0 Following Popular posts and comments, plus news and announcements from the MetaFilter universe. (Current header from a photo by Metafilter member backseatpilot.)
Al Yankovic @alyankovic
4.9M Followers 596 Following You know... the weird one. Instagram: alfredyankovic Bluesky: alyankovic Threads: alfredyankovic YouTube: alyankovic Facebook: weirdal TikTok: alyankovic
Richard (Gebara) Side @RichardSide
986 Followers 898 Following Inventor of the Sky Zoo. Let the chimps fall where they may. Creator of The Debaters on CBC Radio.
Bryan Donaldson @TheNardvark
44K Followers 789 Following I write penis jokes that a handsome man reads on tv
Jeri Ryan @JeriLRyan
454K Followers 1K Following Actress, wife, mom, foodie, and gardener. Not necessarily in that order. https://t.co/1BOe735ZXk https://t.co/KkXhCyMElP @jerilryan.bsky.social
birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights
371K Followers 130 Following woops twitter died RIP in peece beutfitul sweet prince. follow me on mr. zuck's wild world @ realprobirdrights or on blooskeets @probirdrights.bsky.social
R. Thomas, Dogwalker @cwthethird
245 Followers 214 Following
Stats Canada @stats_canada
513K Followers 94 Following On sale now: The second @stats_canada book, 150 Years of Stats Canada!: A Guide to Canada's Greatest Country (100.6% not affiliated with Statistics Canada).
Mike Rastiello @mikerastiello
650 Followers 319 Following Elon Musk sucks. Find where I am online: https://t.co/9XtIq7oNQd
Jenn @radio_gurl
368 Followers 632 Following Morning show co-host/Music Director Cool 100.1 & 95.5 Hits FMtapping the sign
🚨 BREAKING: Labour will ban trans women from female hospital wards, confirms Keir Starmer. Starmer told ITV today he agrees with NHS reforms that would ban trans people from single-sex wards. When asked if trans women should be allowed on women's wards, he said: "I disagree".
I know a lot of women struggle with their partners never taking good photos of them but I personally cannot relate
was walking the dogs and saw a car with a woman and a screaming toddler and suddenly a guy ran out from the corner store yelling I GOT EM I GOT EM while holding a bag of goldfish crackers over his head and I got the hell outta the way because I know an emergency when I see one
Walked through the high street at 6pm. Pretty empty. Bunch of lads were kicking a ball around, one gave it too much welly and it shot my way. I put my foot out, gently stopped it, and kicked it back over. They all *cheered*. There’s something… There’s something to this country.
I don't post here ofter but y'all... We waited just a bit too long to get our kitten, George, neutered and now his sister, Zoey, is pregnant. I'm still just lost for words. Based on the date George was neutered (53 days ago) she is at least 53 days along, due in 10-12 days max.
april 27th 2024 / simply too many elevator selfies this month, but they always give me a lift
It’s easy to forget Steve Gutenberg was in ‘The Day After’, which makes him at least partially responsible for the Intermediate Range Nuclear Forces Treaty that lasted (at least on paper) until Trump ended it in 2018. Thanks, Mahoney.
your morning moment of zen
These Gen X nostalgia gigs are always a crapshoot, not because of the bands (generally they're tighter than a fish's wallet), but because all your crew drop out at the last minute because they ran out of Lipitor or their gout has flared up.
scary how vast the number of people are out there who will say “it’s a woman’s fault for choosing a bad man” but never even consider “it is a bad man’s fault for being a bad man”
NEWS: My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO. We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and share the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want. Get excited. nytimes.com/2024/04/25/bus…
this is not a joke, I repeat THIS IS NOT A JOKE — but holy hell what incredible news 🎉
NEWS: My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO. We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and share the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want. Get excited. nytimes.com/2024/04/25/bus…
thanks to duolingo today when a group of French tourists were blocking the entrance to the subway I was able to say “vous êtes fucking kidding me”
he got made with all the leftover parts
Intro to the new Star Wars film looks good!
every time one of my cats sneezes I say "oh no! cat allergy?" it is perhaps my finest bit
Simpsons S04 E08 “New Kid On The Block”. Homer sues the owner of a seafood restaurant for ejecting him from all you can eat seafood while he was still hungry. delish.com/food-news/a605…
nobody else is using their stream to answer big questions like this
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