Bill @weirdroid

The year is 2030, Oreos have tide pods squeezed in between, hot sauce is the best laundry detergent, and the whole world is a big laundromat because all the fucking ice has melted

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jonny sun @jonnysun

9 years ago

im not that person who claps when a plane lands.. im clappin the entire plane ride, cheering that we are somehow in the sky, shoutin thats where birds live

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David Hughes @david8hughes

9 years ago

There’s an episode of Garfield on the deep web where he cuts Jon’s face off & wears it like a mask, then takes Odie to the vet & has them put him down.

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Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings

9 years ago

sometimes. the human gets sad. and i don’t know why. but if i jump. in their lap. and stay there. i can usually fix it

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David Hughes @david8hughes

9 years ago

We should weed out all the people who want to eat laundry detergent by letting them eat laundry detergent.

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David Hughes @david8hughes

9 years ago

“Tell your husband climate change is gonna fuck us all in the blowhole” x.com/melaniatrump/s…

MELANIA TRUMP @MELANIATRUMP

14 years ago

What is she thinking?

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wint @dril

9 years ago

my friend the only crypto currency you wanna get your hands on is this: bird seed. There is a lot of birds and they all gotta eat

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Bill @weirdroid

9 years ago

#ConspiracyTheory: Bitcoin is just a way for them to take control of your assets and wipe out your currency, and the ones resisting it are actually fighting the good fight

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD Bioplasticity @BuckyIsotope

9 years ago

What’s your favorite song about being welcomed to a jungle

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9-yr-old nephew: I don't wanna look it up, can't you just tell me? Me: *thinks about how there was no Google when I was a kid, so when my dad said stuff like Bruce Willis was also the lead singer of The Smashing Pumpkins, I just had to believe him* You ungrateful little asshole