graham bretman @GBretman
I don't get paid for these, I just do it for Pun Part time writer, full time idiot #UxbridgeEnglishDictionary North Yorkshire Joined April 2012-
Tweets72K
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Followers2K
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Following1K
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Likes17K
My Wife started having a hot flush in Nando's It was the Peri Peri Menopause #MondayMirth #RateMyPun #LunchPun
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My Wife and I were recommended to try a sperm donor, but it was no good Next time I'm sticking to my regular kebab #MondayMirth #RateMyPun #LunchPun
graham bretman retweeted
Living by the sea I was horrified when my parents washed up on the beach, especially as we had a dishwasher at home.
Well it's Monday once again Hope you all have a good one and it's not too depressing back at work
Croak Back Mountain #FrogsInASongOrMovie
The Secret Life of Walter Kermitty #FrogsInASongOrMovie
James Pond in For Your Flies Only #FrogsInASongOrMovie
What school did you go to Holmes? Elementary my dear Watson #Sidesplittingsunday #RateMyPun #LunchPun
My Father died insolvent He drowned in a vat of paint thinner #Sidesplittingsunday #RateMyPun #LunchPun
Cannibals have eaten Tom Selleck They made Magnum Pie #SillySaturday #RateMyPun #LunchPun
The Full Del Monte #ASongOrMovieForOrange
I saw Tom Selleck at the garage inflating the tyres on his Ferrari It was Magnum Psi #BadJokeFriday #RateMyPun #LunchPun
My mate says he has some rabbits that live in a sporran Is he dyslexic? No, Scottish #BadJokeFriday #RateMyPun #LunchPun
Catherine Kelliher @kitty_kelliher
10K Followers 10K Following Digital diva. Plastic Paddy. County Cricklewood-born. Tea drinker. A 'Highly strung Philomena Cunk' #LupusWarrior #SpudInfluencer
Fi 🇪🇺 @rahhead01
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Zara Zee @Zeddeee
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Jan 💙💚 @janh1
4K Followers 5K Following wildlife+environment enthusiast. Carpe diem 💚WTSWW 💙NHS Welsh #FBPE 🥂🏊♀️🚴🏼♀️ @janh1.bsky.social
Archie-medes Shrew. @trojanrabbit64
7K Followers 7K Following Proud Dad of 3. Sci Fi fan. Biker.. Old Goth and Book Reader. Star Wars Birdman. High Pier Space Jumper. Won’t reply to DMs. Takes the odd pic.
David 👋 @Nollybags
2K Followers 3K Following @[email protected], also have a tribel account #ToriesOut #GeneralElectionNOW Brexit was a mistake
Mark Rīter @MarkRiter
9K Followers 5K Following Hashtag games and other funny stuff. NSFW. These are jokes!
Catwoman @TheSiouxfan
5K Followers 4K Following Smiles + occasional ranting. Also cats, cybersecurity, Breaking Bad, Jack Daniel's and Mr Robot. Can I have a biscuit now?
Jim Corbridge @MrBonMot
9K Followers 7K Following I've been called Witty. Though I'm sure I just misheard what was said? Anyway love and kindness.
FeelGoodFriendlies @FGFriendlies
6K Followers 6K Following @FGFriendlies is where we play friendly hashtag games for everybody @ 9 am UK/10.00 CET daily! ALSO on Fridays-Tuesdays @ 11 am ET/4 pm UK! HOST @tweetfeelsgood
Alf @whoelsebutalf
16K Followers 15K Following Devon Comedian Chris Leworthy from #BGT. Oh no, I've just won the UK Humblebrag championships again. #TraitorsUK #TheTraitorsUK #MaskedSingerUK #UKPunDay
Bob Smith @Schmiffy12
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Richard Stone @RichardStone21
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Roy Manterfield @MumblingNerd
13K Followers 13K Following Love, equality and tolerance; reject hate. Humour, social media, politics, humanism, cats, chocolate and Nottingham.
Nic @tismenic70
15K Followers 7K Following Tis me. Published photographer. Follow if you like photos and rubbish jokes Only art DMs. Thank you 😊
John-Paul Keates @jpkeates
3K Followers 4K Following The thane of groans. Mostly jokes. Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion. No DMs https://t.co/E5oGlpnyLk
Eve Harnos @EveHarnos77694
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Jonny King @J0NNYKING
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Noor Magnani @MagnaniNoo15618
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Pippa Van Leeuwen#NHS.. @PippaLeeuwen
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Joy Desrocher @joy_desroch
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Cheyenne Buban @bub_cheyen
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Dave Brennan 🇮🇪 @DaveBrennan2125
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Teresita Muns @TeresiMuns
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Fereclubles @fereclubles
590 Followers 617 Following Here to read jokes and write awful ones. I love one-liners and #LunchPun.
Celia 😳 @Celia1559
6 Followers 429 Following Libеrаted and рassiоnаtе womаn сraving раssiоnatе conneсtions
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520 Followers 967 Following Casnewydd. I struggle with Roman numerals until I get to 159, then it just CLIX. Views my own only…obviously. possibly Barry’s (from the pub) too. Ef/he/him
dave ainsworth @daveainsworth63
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sinhaha @paulybengali
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0 Followers 882 Following
ᴄʜʀɪs ᴠ2.0.24 @drofidnas
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221 Followers 85 Following Proud grandad to three beautiful girls, Nelson GC, Burnley & Clitheroe ST holder. Living with prostate cancer, enjoying life with friends and family
mike horrell @mikecaer
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Cher Sarkisian @cher_sarkisian1
144 Followers 6K Following This is my private corner. Don't Litter,Chew Gum,Walk Past Homeless PPL w/out Smile.DOESNT MATTER in 5 yrs IT DOESNT MATTER THERE'S ONLY LOVE&FEAR
Catherine Kelliher @kitty_kelliher
10K Followers 10K Following Digital diva. Plastic Paddy. County Cricklewood-born. Tea drinker. A 'Highly strung Philomena Cunk' #LupusWarrior #SpudInfluencer
Fi 🇪🇺 @rahhead01
13K Followers 13K Following Mum to Bethany and wife to Steve 💕 JZ FM games daily 3pm with @albolt76 @zeddeee @MrFlibble72LFC
The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan
151K Followers 4K Following Jokes, puns & funny stuff which makes me laugh & hopefully others too! Not always original, just trying to get through life with a smile!
Zara Zee @Zeddeee
13K Followers 12K Following Techy tree-hugger with a passion for the collective consciousness. Hotel California Hashtag Game @ 3pm. Be Kind. Also find me on @ https://t.co/PYGzNlYrOw
Jan 💙💚 @janh1
4K Followers 5K Following wildlife+environment enthusiast. Carpe diem 💚WTSWW 💙NHS Welsh #FBPE 🥂🏊♀️🚴🏼♀️ @janh1.bsky.social
Archie-medes Shrew. @trojanrabbit64
7K Followers 7K Following Proud Dad of 3. Sci Fi fan. Biker.. Old Goth and Book Reader. Star Wars Birdman. High Pier Space Jumper. Won’t reply to DMs. Takes the odd pic.
David 👋 @Nollybags
2K Followers 3K Following @[email protected], also have a tribel account #ToriesOut #GeneralElectionNOW Brexit was a mistake
Mark Rīter @MarkRiter
9K Followers 5K Following Hashtag games and other funny stuff. NSFW. These are jokes!
Catwoman @TheSiouxfan
5K Followers 4K Following Smiles + occasional ranting. Also cats, cybersecurity, Breaking Bad, Jack Daniel's and Mr Robot. Can I have a biscuit now?
Jim Corbridge @MrBonMot
9K Followers 7K Following I've been called Witty. Though I'm sure I just misheard what was said? Anyway love and kindness.
FeelGoodFriendlies @FGFriendlies
6K Followers 6K Following @FGFriendlies is where we play friendly hashtag games for everybody @ 9 am UK/10.00 CET daily! ALSO on Fridays-Tuesdays @ 11 am ET/4 pm UK! HOST @tweetfeelsgood
Alf @whoelsebutalf
16K Followers 15K Following Devon Comedian Chris Leworthy from #BGT. Oh no, I've just won the UK Humblebrag championships again. #TraitorsUK #TheTraitorsUK #MaskedSingerUK #UKPunDay
Bob Smith @Schmiffy12
3K Followers 3K Following Old, opinionated, usually right. Likes cool jazz, gin, wine 🍷pastis. French speaker
Jokerswild @JokersWildUK
68K Followers 18 Following We are wild about jokes & memes for you to enjoy. Please retweet and like the ones that you do enjoy...... and kindly ignore the ones that you don't . Thankyou
Richard Stone @RichardStone21
5K Followers 5K Following Ex financial programmer, economics, the 3Rs, humour and puns, walking, nature, music, photography, board games.
Roy Manterfield @MumblingNerd
13K Followers 13K Following Love, equality and tolerance; reject hate. Humour, social media, politics, humanism, cats, chocolate and Nottingham.
Nic @tismenic70
15K Followers 7K Following Tis me. Published photographer. Follow if you like photos and rubbish jokes Only art DMs. Thank you 😊
John-Paul Keates @jpkeates
3K Followers 4K Following The thane of groans. Mostly jokes. Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion. No DMs https://t.co/E5oGlpnyLk
Jonny King @J0NNYKING
846 Followers 2K Following Screenwriter. Wycombe Wanderers South West Correspondent. @WandererFanzine editor. Occasional joke writer. Play offbeats for a living. Tell your dog I said hi.
Pippa Van Leeuwen#NHS.. @PippaLeeuwen
4K Followers 5K Following Brit living in the Netherlands. Retired teacher. Social(ist), Pacifist, Grandmother. Brexit was a disaster. Global boiling is here! #GTTO.No DMs please.
Dave Brennan 🇮🇪 @DaveBrennan2125
3K Followers 3K Following Bad dad joke and pun lover. Proud father of twin girls, which proves I’ve produced something outstanding at least once. SRFC #21 🇮🇪☘️🇮🇪
Kayleigh Jones @kayleigh_ajones
1K Followers 697 Following Best Debut Show Nominee 2024 with Leicester Comedy Festival. Debut Show https://t.co/H7MD3ph9gE
Mr. Clean Comedy @MrCleanComedy
65 Followers 260 Following Follow for all kinds of humor, one liners, puns, and dad jokes. But, like, not the dirty ones. 🧼🤣
Stevie Martin @5tevieM
82K Followers 2K Following comedian/writer and @nobodypanicpod and same handle on IG and its fine ok its really fine no really
Scott James Kyle @ScottJKyle1
594K Followers 109K Following Outlander, Trust Me 2, Kajaki, The Angels Share, Trainspotting 2 (Stage), Singin I’m No a Billy He’s A Tim (The Stage Best Actor Winner) https://t.co/0Q5OkVzHB6
Mervyn Murray @MervynMurray
2K Followers 4K Following #International #Leadership Trainer #hr for 24years, it’s not my fault, be gentle with me #tchat #leadfromwithin #bhafc
neiltaffy @neiltaffy
520 Followers 967 Following Casnewydd. I struggle with Roman numerals until I get to 159, then it just CLIX. Views my own only…obviously. possibly Barry’s (from the pub) too. Ef/he/him
dave ainsworth @daveainsworth63
12K Followers 12K Following Writer. Comedian. Actor. Writer of Award winning play Oh Hello! #CharlesHawtrey https://t.co/7u3obN68EJ
sinhaha @paulybengali
7K Followers 708 Following Comedian Chaser Gay NHS botherer. Enquiries [email protected]
dean harmer @deanharmer
502 Followers 2K Following designer, mirther and wannabe surfer. father of Dylan and Sienna, son of a gun. Part man, part machine ... not much cop.
Scott Bennett - “Gr.. @scottbcomedyuk
8K Followers 4K Following Comic / Writer / Live at the Apollo / News Quiz / Podcast @BWTBpod / Lockdown show @standupinashed Tours / Gigs / Merch 👉 https://t.co/rMxOhULlm9
Gayle Fallon @GayleFallon11
1K Followers 2K Following Dog loving Geordie 💕🐾 Hater of ISMs. Just trying to be a decent human, wanting a fairer soc. 🌍 would be a much nicer place if we all had tails to wag
Phil ellis @Thephilellis
7K Followers 887 Following North Manchester’s most reliable Award winning comedian’s 2024 Tour Tickets available here: https://t.co/UIAPZBHlYq
ᴄʜʀɪs ᴠ2.0.24 @drofidnas
1K Followers 684 Following Tall, dark, grumpy clown. I write metaphors as well as a horse on a trampoline making a soufflé.
Martin Spiers @claretbod
221 Followers 85 Following Proud grandad to three beautiful girls, Nelson GC, Burnley & Clitheroe ST holder. Living with prostate cancer, enjoying life with friends and family
Adam Bloom @adambloomie2
8K Followers 208 Following Book on Amazon - “Finding Your Comic Genius” https://t.co/YkvzpcbugP
The Comedy Crowd @thecomedycrowd
4K Followers 2K Following Empowering the world's comedy creators Inspiration, opportunities & more in our weekly Newsletter 👉 https://t.co/XVRxxwuiPx
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b. brown @billbrown2806
428 Followers 866 Following old , balding , dieting , slowly winding down to eternal nothingness, look at me Ma , I'm on top of the world
Jester mouse 🐭 @jester_mouse
3K Followers 2K Following Data is my first love, and it shall be my last. Data of the future, and data of the past. 📈
Dick Shiner @welshworrier
97 Followers 108 Following Programming is just 1's and 0's and bad spelling. Experienced bit banger and maker of odd bits of software. Should probably know better at his age.
Richard James @RichHAHAhard
919 Followers 835 Following Bristol based Stand Up comedian. Twitter name is more ironic than factual. Did a long walk #SouthWestCoastLaugh
Matt @_mbinghamlive_
2K Followers 2K Following 31. Second-generation Irish. History, animals, & Shoegaze.
Mitchell WEBB @MitchellWebb85
482 Followers 395 Following 🎭 📺 🎥 🦼 🎙 “ differently-abled” Actor /Comedian/Entertainer also that Xfactor Reject from 2011
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219 Followers 25 Following Every image is a pun. Created using Ai by @DarrenWalshPuns
Madness24-7/365 @Bone_Saw247365
5K Followers 5K Following I am Madness -I quit the best thing I ever had and I’ve been fired by the Worst . Expect the Unexpected and I love 🇺🇸
Sean Bw Parker @seanbwparker
11K Followers 11K Following Writer, artist, musician. Reposts not necessarily endorsements. Compelling Speech on Audible https://t.co/j4oEo40Y3d Music etc https://t.co/jG3VimaXzS
andy rimmer @ianandrewrimmer
1K Followers 2K Following The Bullfighter of Bullshit, Breeder of Unicorns (when in season), Writer of gags (this isn't one!). It's gonna be too late to grow up.
Chester Croker @ChesterCroker
5K Followers 3K Following Multi Award-Winning Author Of Joke Books. Some Are Actually Funny.
Clarsson David💙 @ClarssonDavid
534 Followers 1K Following Posting interesting science, gadgets, history, art and more. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Edinburgh Festival Fr.. @edfringe
189K Followers 6K Following The greatest platform for creative freedom in the world 🌎 02 - 26 August 2024 #edfringe #UnleashYourFringe 📩 DMs are open. 🔗 https://t.co/dnXn9FCUdR
HoneyMon21Nov @AndrewMac21nov
169 Followers 136 Following
Julianne🌹🦹🏻�.. @JulianneC17
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💚🤍Lady V🤍�.. @vemspics
5K Followers 3K Following Married mum of 4 sharing the love of music, photography and random nonsense. Bulldog owner. Gin drinker. No dm’s ✌🏾
#️⃣ ReEngineeredT.. @ReEngineeredTag
1K Followers 1K Following Indie Hashtag Game | Saturday 6am EST 🇺🇸 11am GMT 🇬🇧 | Hosts: @aidno 🏴 @ref_tm @calamity_ghost 🏴
Adam Standeven @Adam678
2K Followers 2K Following Write about now, spreading kindness one rhyme at a time. It is PD: I run with it. MADAM I'M ADAM is a palindrome, NOW ABBA WON’s another - from Multiverse blog:
THE 99TH MONKEY @nancygiannini5
827 Followers 2K Following truth, good vs evil, zen, elon musk, israel, trump's an ass but he has MY vote! I ONLY answer questions that INTEREST me. so far no dice. 00.
Hashithappens @Blog__Cabin
218 Followers 326 Following Back from the woods. Repurposing this account last used exactly 10 years ago. Anyone still here?
tom foley @Cloomaharakid
2K Followers 5K Following 1st gen Irish (Galway/Rosc) Mancunian. City fan since 1953.Various univs/jobs/consultancies,home and overseas.Tories detrimental to everything good in life.
Good morning lovely people. I’ll be going on another hiatus & don’t know when I’ll be back. Missing you already!🙏🏾❤️
@GBretman @sidneypaget Ive never heard a Cornea joke than that
@GBretman @MartinPilgrim1 I spotted a Panda at the Zoo Then the keeper took my paint off me I spotted a Panda at the Zoo Then the keeper took my paint off me
'What school did you go to when you were a young child, Holmes?' 'Elementary my dear Watson.'
What school did you go to Holmes? Elementary my dear Watson #Sidesplittingsunday #RateMyPun #LunchPun
Rather than let them claim expenses give them vouchers instead
I've got a pet Panda called 'Little Richard'. He eats "A WOP BOP A LOO BOP" A Lot of Bamboo.
You may know me as the guy that pulls the ropes in your local church tower. Ring any bells??
#TuesdayTitters Teacher “define visionary” Me “optician”
Brecon! Powys! Merthyr! et al ... The brilliant musical Operation Julie comes your way this week @Brycheiniog Performed by @theatrnanog directed by @geinorstyles and featuring a company of talent. Don't miss it!! #OperationJulie #theatre #TheatrBrycheiniog #Brecon #Powys #Merthyr
Operation Julie Last summer’s sell-out success is back to prog-rock the UK, Operation Julie will be here at Theatr B! from the 1st of May -till the 4th of May, don’t miss your chance to see this outstanding performance. theatrbrycheiniog.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/sh…
@paisleymarley18 Unfortunately there is just too many of these to represent our stupidity! 🤦🏼♂️
I'm not wearing sunglasses and I can spot about 50.
@GBretman Nice one. Maybe 'What school did you go to when you were a young child, Holmes?'
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