LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

Mama of 3 kids who poop, prolifically and creatively. Wife of Superman. Child of God. Writer of funny things, mostly so as not to cry about them. Like poop. That place in Colorado Joined December 2016

Tweets

2K
Followers

205
Following

140
Likes

6K

LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

7 years ago

My daughter just described dinnertime as "A bad, bad guy standing on the table with a spear, and darkness all around." Sounds accurate to me.

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Unbalanced Momma @UnbalancedMomma

7 years ago

Me to 3yo: Do you want eggs? 3yo: No. Me: You sure? 3yo: I DON'T WANT ANY! Me: Ok. *Makes eggs and sits down* 3yo: I want some. Me: I JUST asked you if you wanted any and you said no. 3yo: I want some! *Makes 3yo eggs* 3yo: I dont want this. This. This is why moms are crazy.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

I accidentally forgot we need dinner tonight.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

I bestow on thee and thy household the eternal curse of Leftovers Nobody Likes.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

Kind of ashamed of how much I use emojis for someone who thinks of herself as a "real writer."

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

The promise of chocolate pudding awaits, just on the other side of this recipe. I may yet survive this day.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

Fed up with being a parent today, but I still put a sandwich on the table for my 4yo. 4yo: Where is the plate? YOU'RE ASKING A LOT OF ME, KID.

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Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad

8 years ago

Me trying to ask someone for a favor: Hey could you help me with this thing? Absolutely no pressure though. Totally ok if you can’t. If you’d rather run me over with a car that’s cool. Are you mad at me?

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Anecdotal Birthcontrol @AnecdtlBrthCtrl

8 years ago

Not sure I spelled this word correctly, or if I have spelled it wrong so many times that autocorrect has accepted it as a deep character flaw and given up on trying to change me.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

I think most of you are more responsible than you let on, because nobody's ever on twitter when I'm supposed to be making dinner.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

Even with three small children, my life still has balance. For example, I enjoyed a hot shower without interruptions this morning, and then came out to find a naked, poopy toddler. Balance.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

It's a good thing that, as a former library employee, I've taught my kids proper respect for books, like DRAWING IN THEM AND THROWING THEM OUT THE WINDOW.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

Ah, coughing and dripping. Excellent. Let the month-long family quarantine begin.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

Pulled a muscle reading your tweet about pulling a muscle.

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

Do you offer any discounts, like maybe for cute children, or garlic lovers, or people who use apostrophes correctly?

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LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop

8 years ago

My spice cupboard is half organized alphabetically, half by flavor. Also some by size and shape. Get with the program and put the spices back where they belong, would ya?