Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai
gay and overwhelmed. author of EVERYTHING IS AWFUL the book. come see me tell jokes on tour. he/him linktr.ee/mattbellassai New York City Joined January 2011-
Tweets23K
-
Followers330K
-
Following779
-
Likes13K
to be depressed when it’s sunny and warm outside is actually so brave and also cutting edge of me
i would like to make out with the guy from the tennis movie who looks like sexy gollum
unfortunately i need a man who texts me so much i get sick of him
well it happened to me (i ate all the treats i got for myself too quickly and now it’s time for another and i am treatless)
what if i started a parenting advice vlog as a gay without children? just letting everyone know what they’re doing wrong etc.
seeing a beautiful man with a mullet and a fat ass in the airport can actually be so healing to the spirit
the last tissue in the box should be embarrassed with itself, looking all raggedy and yellow like that, ending the box on a completely sour note
normalize telling pilots they did a bad job after a bumpy flight
my well being is actually entirely dependent on whether i have someone to flirt with or not
so jealous of comedians who made it their thing to sit on stage. standing for a whole hour? truly one of the worst parts of the job
i’m gonna look directly at the eclipse just to spite the haters
if any handsome man wants to let me curl up on his lap and let me recount the 600 page book on Queen Elizabeth I i just finished, just lmk
my favorite genre of tiktok is ‘woman who turns her hot european husband into a laughingstock’
still thinking about how i went to the times square raising canes in december and they had the original buddy the elf costume on display for some reason?????
for my mental health, i’ve decided not to acknowledge the existence of any hot people today
with every relisten of Cowboy Carter, i get dangerously closer to planning a barn wedding with mason jar lights and hay bales for seats
traitors australia season 2…….. a level of utter stupidity unseen on television perhaps ever before
nothing more humbling than posting a thirst trap for a single person’s attention and then they don’t engage with it. like guess i’ll fill my coat pockets with rocks and wade into a river?
it’s so unnatural seeing Beyoncé meeting fans. it’s like seeing jesus at the mall
Brett S. Vergara @BrettSVergara
91K Followers 4K Following UX by day • Research Program Manager @Instagram • Overall trying his best • [email protected]Dylan Hafer @thedylanhafer
8K Followers 686 Following director of entertainment @betchesluvthis @bravobybetches ✨ he/himVeronica 💁🏻�.. @VeronicaRuckh
17K Followers 478 Following Internet has-been. Greedy bisexual. Occasional funny person. Views are Kris Jenner’s.Awkward Girl @AwkGrlPrblms
52K Followers 467 Following I'm like Cady Heron meets Taylor Swift, but without the musical talent or ex-boyfriends. [email protected]evrrybody loves kelli @NYC_Blonde
59K Followers 186 Following kelli but forever nyc blonde 🗽 painfully average looking with a great sense of humor ✨auntunicorn @auntunicorn
1K Followers 741 Following Treat people with kindness and look for the positive in the world. If you can’t change else, you can always change your way of looking at things. 💜🍌ηα∂ine🍓�.. @Nadine_E82
1K Followers 388 Following Flowers are treated delicately, they are viewed as beautiful no matter their size, shape and color--treat yourself like this! she/her🍆🍆🍆💦🚂�.. @tress30
498 Followers 2K Following Back on my bullshit. She/Her. estrella30 on AO3 https://t.co/RgUdRbBOokKristen @mskrst3n
702 Followers 1K Following harry styles, *nsync, 90’s r&b, ny giants, karma & sarcasm. you can’t take a joke? please see yourself out. this is why windshields are bigger than rear views.Cassie Niespodziewans.. @chasspod
528 Followers 689 Following Chicago is my boyfriend. ZouZou is my dog. 1989. she/herbetty @bettyalavandero
1K Followers 483 Following social media specialist @ 📦 // @uofsc alum latina // i watch a lot of movies, eat a lot of Thai food, and read a lot of books // she-herMuir Hewitt @muir_hewitt
166 Followers 394 Following Retired Art Deco dealer obsessive collector The Golden Age Of Illustration on Facebook I enjoy life post stroke happily married to RogerBellerophon @B3ll3rophon
33 Followers 742 FollowingKevin Mynatt @BiggerKev1964
47 Followers 185 FollowingBack @Back10129771
54 Followers 116 FollowingBobby Chuckles @funbobby1998
4 Followers 126 FollowingMike🇺🇸 @mjg36710
99 Followers 1K FollowingPatrick Dunn @ppdunny
287 Followers 1K FollowingHotmess @Hotmess8440611
16 Followers 955 FollowingParis @TYSHONCOTTMAN
41 Followers 705 FollowingLeonardo Hilario Rosa.. @Leonard95023111
74 Followers 2K FollowingHere’s the thing... @ritz_charlie
5K Followers 5K Following BA, MA, MS, EIEIO 😷 🌊 🌊🌊 NO DMs NO DMs NO DMsMetalWalker @MetalW42504
33 Followers 212 FollowingEmma Matters @MattersEmm95864
0 Followers 15 FollowingKaryn Arnold @arnold_karyn
9 Followers 58 Following Crafty Middle Sister Events, Artist, Hobbyist and CrafterSamantha White @sdneuburg
2 Followers 20 FollowingTeraka Harris @HarrisTeraka
45 Followers 253 FollowingRashad B @DapperDanDaDon
29 Followers 596 Following "Shoot for the stars, cause the sky is the limit"~ @taurusenergy444
39 Followers 133 FollowingJoshua Huffman @joshiehuff
7 Followers 18 FollowingEli Riviere @eli_riviere
1K Followers 7K Following Houses, gated estates, condos, mansions, luxury homes for sale.Bradley Talbert @bradley832
15 Followers 47 FollowingZack Maddox @zzmadd1410
3 Followers 44 FollowingJames @bman1010101
272 Followers 3K FollowingA @letsgorangers84
11 Followers 170 FollowingJimmara Bonds @JimmaraB
8 Followers 85 FollowingSANDY “DreamCatcher.. @dream072315
41 Followers 464 Followingmatt☭ @ElonIsNaziScum
69 Followers 680 Following Elon suspended my account just because I told the Nazi to go shoot himself so I had to start a new one he/himLove Love @LoveLove694140
507 Followers 4K FollowingAzeez hammed @Azeezha74241180
10 Followers 136 FollowingVN CHON TECH @vn_chon82248
15 Followers 115 FollowingJuan Carlos ★ @jcgy
1K Followers 989 Following Duele más caerle mal a un perrito que a una persona. La 🍕 sabe mejor al día siguiente. Lost in translation.Amanda Whitlow @yourredheadfren
0 Followers 5 FollowingVIP Preferred @vip_preferred
47K Followers 4K Following e-check provider for casinos and interactive gaming sites across North America. Find a location near you. ⬇️ 21+ #vippreferred #vipmobility @pavilionpaymentJose Coronado @JoseCor63773190
754 Followers 5K Following Hola amigos bienvenido a nuestra amistad dios me los bendiga diariamenteA thinker, Disruptor .. @mansursuleiman
343 Followers 3K Following Sustainable Investment & Finance Consultant, PPP, InfrasructureAdam B. @penguinz
107 Followers 159 Following This thing is some kind of hourglass... it's mesmerizing, but at the same time, you are possibly letting time slip away.Rashidah @r_bashir
136 Followers 1K Following influencer marketing, social media, editorial & aud dev @discoveryid and @travelchannel | crocheter in training | #HoyaSaxa 🎾🏂Jesse David Fox @JesseDavidFox
14K Followers 1K Following @GoodOnepodcast creator/host. COMEDY BOOK out now! Please buy!Tom Smyth @Tom_Smyth_
2K Followers 985 Following headline contributor @theonion, @reductress | writing in @vulture, @thecut, @latimes, @teenvogue, @mcsweeneys, @newyorker, and fan letters to Ina GartenDan White @atdanwhite
155K Followers 2K Following comedy writer | reps: Framework Entertainment | I perform weekly on @improvisdeadJake Williamson @jakewilliamson4
24K Followers 2K Following Making a difference for LGBT+ in sport⚽️🏃🏽♂️🏳️🌈Ambassador @stonewalluk Fitness/dog/running content! Online training📚 @jakewrunning Pro Hyrox Athletethe sleepiest girl in.. @soyjoseuseche
2K Followers 1K Following bailando | GLAAD LIST 2022 Select | reps: Trent Hubbard, @echolakeent (literary/talent), DGRW (talent)Amelia Dimoldenberg @ameliadimz
318K Followers 1K Following CEO of Chicken Shop Date and very serious journalistmkb @MatthewKBegbie
9K Followers 399 Following visiting if not in hell 📍 tv writer/ playwright/ secret third thing currently: @elsbethcbs formerly: @gossipgirl #schmigadoonjames @jms_tny
6K Followers 634 FollowingBobby @B_McC2
32K Followers 3K Following Ohio State fan. Sometimes NSFW. Living my life one day & one Mariah Carey song at a time. Shorter in real life.parsley, sage, rosema.. @tiredgaynomad
9K Followers 1K Following “Old man yells at cloud” meme, but make it sexyJake Nevins @jhnevins
4K Followers 1K Following digital editor @interviewmag // writing in @nytmag @newyorker @nybooks @thebafflermag @nymagmatt @mattxiv
412K Followers 154 Following queer jew w very long nails, host of a bit fruity, he/theyryan @OhItsRyan
8K Followers 2K Following Crippling anxiety but make it fashion. | Video person @voxmedia | opinions are my own | NYC 📍Matt vs. the relentle.. @mcs_phd
4K Followers 2K Following Patent law, chemistry, amateur astrophotography | DC | homosexual 🏳️🌈 | views are my ownscott @toadlikesquab
2K Followers 412 Followingashley ray🍦ice cre.. @theashleyray
64K Followers 3K Following tv writer/comedian/host of @tvisaypod. [email protected] reps: brillsteinOrrin 🫨 @orrinbroseph
34K Followers 3K Following The snack that smiles back. IG-orrinyougladididntsaybananaZach @ZachNewYork
2K Followers 483 Following Hailing from the House of New York, twitter child of @JakeNewYorkpretty WOAHman @prettyWOAHman
6K Followers 920 Following 6 ft tall, 12 feet wide. indifferent to pronouns, as long as you’re talking about me. OnlyFans coming soon..silly billy @badboybmar
15K Followers 3K Following most smartest in my family | digital media advertising | NYC | 🏳️🌈 | he/him | silly 🪿Miss Michelle Buteau @MichelleButeau
57K Followers 3K Following ✨Just type my name in the search engine on Netflix boo✨nell mescal @nellmescal_
20K Followers 228 Following Killing Time & Warm Body out now 🤗My Debut Ep Can I Miss It For A Minute out 3rd of May🧚🏼✨ [email protected]📧zach silberberg @zachsilberberg
53K Followers 4K Following tv in new york. no views my own. my birthday is this yearcoleman spilde @colemanjspilde
3K Followers 766 Following entertainment critic @thedailybeast ⌨️ | co-host of ‘didn’t i kill you?’ 💌 | known annoyance/lover 💖 ig: colemanspilde #blacktranslivesmatterit’s chewsday @harrytuesday
21K Followers 162 Following “but you know, it’s chewsday. it’s chewsday right? yeah it’s chewsday” - grammy award winner harry styles (2020)NYT Wirecutter @wirecutter
132K Followers 822 Following We’ve been personally testing and reviewing products since 2011 to help you shop smartly. When you buy through our links, we may earn a commission.Jordan Tannahill @TannahillJordan
6K Followers 861 Following Playwright, novelist, author of The Listeners and Liminal. The Listeners adaptation forthcoming on @BBCOne
shes kinda like a jason derulo variant
we need a regular iced coffee line like we have for TSA pre check
*taps the sign*
If he didn’t have a big d*ck not one of you 🚬 would give him a second look in the street I’m so tired
me: what should i dooooo nyt cooking: beany leeky greens with greeky rampy beans
Trish? At Christmas? Forget it! She gets everybody a gift.
Pecker: I recognize the name, but... Prosecutor: She was your assistent? Trish? Pecker: Yes. I only called her Trish. Prosecutor: Not remembering the name of your assistance, that's not going to go over well. What about Mr. Trump: Pecker: He's there, blue suit
i'm having my mom pick me up actually
back up a little my god...
Just stormed out of “Cats” with my sons Bairon & Tannis because of how much the Judi Dench cat licks her own asshole. Once I’d understand, but she acts like the thing is a goddamn buffet. Tannis is still crying