A @Student495
Assholery with a smile. Joined November 2010-
Tweets1K
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Followers499
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Following35
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Likes31K
Saying to a girl, "I want to put this in you," goes over much better if you have a piece of candy...on your penis.
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Hey can anyone bring me a roll of toilet paper or 2, also some bandages & a stapler. Thanks <3
Don't squirt too hard for me ladies, I'm probably gonna end up breaking your heart at some point.
You know you're addicted to twitter when you rather tweet some stupid shit than bother calling a girl back after the first date.
When a girl sleeps with a bunch of boys she's called a slut. But when a priest does it he's called a pedophile. #DoubleStandards
When a girl only wants to give you head I can't tell if she's really altruistic or has an STD.
@Martinaylingcam no worries mate, the hallways are carpeted. Perfect for holding that piss smell for all eternity
I've been so busy that last couple of weeks that it took me until now to realize my birthday was 2months ago. I'm now [REDACTED] yrs old!!!!
It's 4am and the power in my dorm building went out. Time to go streaking and pissing in the hallways! Woooo!
You guys have no idea how bad I want to have cocaine sex.
A retweeted
I'm leaving rain deer meat out for Santa this year. I know he's been craving it.
Ladies stop asking us how many girls we've been with. You don't wanna know the answer. Ask us how many girls we've made orgasm.
I once peed in the ocean. A few fish died, no big woop.
My cat is definitely gay I just checked his prostate and he purred. Cats have prostates right?
I knew this chic was faking an orgasm when during sex she just yelled out the word "Orgasm".
I'm a classy guy but on twitter none of my thoughts are filtered…who the fuck am I kidding I'm even worse away from twitter.
I wanted to be a therapist until I realized I couldn't just say, "No fucking way, that's retarded," when people expressed their feelings.
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