housewife, esq @educ8edhouzwife
apparently a lawyer (not yours) 🍸🌭 Edmonton, Alberta Joined April 2009-
Tweets8K
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Followers356
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Following485
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Likes13K
deep down in my core, i know i am a hater because people posting that they “have a stomachache and are being brave about it” really grinds my gears and makes me want to shout
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making okonomyaki for dinner but it’s been a rough week and what i really want is hot dogs
house divided
we did not hire a yard clean up service this year, and yet the yard clean up service is here, cleaning up our yard
fb entering the chat as the latest app trying to push keto recipes on me: “try these frozen cubes of cream cheese coated in jello powder to satisfy your sweet tooth” we used to be a society
im trying to avoid challengers spoilers but goddamn this app makes it hard
drove to calgary and dissociated the entire time
my grandma refused to marry my grandpa unless he had his tattoo of a hand holding a snake removed. he did because he loved her. anyways, i know what my next tattoo is gonna be
housewife, esq retweeted
he’s just like me fr
housewife, esq retweeted
Tall boys are over, 355 ml has always been the move
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thinking about how as we go on... we remember... all the time we... had togETHER...
1. Skipped first grade 2. Been to 49/50 states 3. Got “CHC” tattooed inside my lip after the Cubs won the 2016 World Series
Please indulge me. List 3 little known but interesting facts about you. As for me: — Allergic to chocolate — Lived in Hawai’i — Went to college across the country when I was 16
Made arugula and spinach saag to make up for the taco
We have transitioned from “nervous summer camp kid” to “fancy business trip adult” by getting a glass of wine delivered to the room.
I’m reading such a fun book about stupid rich liberal losers lmfao I love it (it’s called Pineapple Street and all of the characters are terrible lol)
this man will not see the kingdom of heaven
Does anyone else mix the pb & j first
Cubs still haven’t lost when the hot dog hat is present. 5 games strong. 🌭
Hi. I’m 39 today, celebrating with my nearest and dearest. I’m happy and healthy. I’ve created a life I’ve dreamt of. I’m surrounded by beautiful friends, mostly women who inspire and uplift and fight for this world to be better. I’m grateful. So deeply grateful.
omg I forgot to tell y’all: in court Thursday there was an attorney there for a hearing wearing THESE SHOES with a full pantsuit I stg I almost had to leave the room
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This is more erotic than CHALLENGERS
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? 😭😭😭😭
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i cannot stop laughing
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