juan benet ramsey @hijab_creator
Joined September 2018-
Tweets114
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Followers2K
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Following61
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Likes3K
[gazing admiringly at girlfriend] you look like jigsaw from the saw movies
give it to me straight doc - how concretely can i visualize an apple in my head
bro check this life hack. my buddy says if you mark your door with lamb’s blood the angel of death will low key spare your firstborn. kinda goated…
you’re calling me fat? ok….. sorry i got stuck in a life-size taffy stretcher at my job. i’m 40% wider than normal now but i’m fine. and i get workers’ comp. i bet you wouldn’t say that shit to flat stanley.
nyc subways in summer are the closest earth gets to religious conceptions of hell: subterranean, extremely hot, full of beings of otherworldly evil (cops, ppl watching videos sound on with no headphones)
girls will drape themselves across your body like a velvet curtain and then ask why you didn’t sleep well
babe of course I can compliment your specific facial features, it just starts to feel like phrenology and you know i’m in my anti-racist era right now
if you do the NYT mini crossword, you are a tiny intellect. a worm to me. i solve Rubik’s cubes blindfolded. sudokus with only a few numbers filled in. i have never worn deodorant that wasn’t axe body spray
please take some comfort, we were able to rule out a shameful death by suicide. he actually died choking and jacking himself off
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke: what if a kind dumb guy journaled Meditations by Marcus Aurelius: what if a whiny emperor couldn’t stop journaling
[traits of the female character I’ve been planning for 50 years] she’s schizophrenic, she’s good at math, and she wants to fuck her brother
every cultural scandal in France is someone pointing out the most famous person in a niche field has been publicly saying the most pedophilic things for the last thirty years
in the optimized version of new york city, the sidewalks are moving walkways and instead of sirens the ambulances play “trophies” by drake
way too many songs are about love. we need to re-record certain albums with different lyrical content to promote a more diverse culture. the first phoebe bridgers album will now be about carpentry.
my clients respond poorly if I say things like “i don’t understand your case”. so i just bite my tongue. figuratively, though. when i actually bite my tongue there’s usually a lot of blood and crying.
if there’s one person who will never get fired for sleeping around, it’s joe mazzulla
babe, stop, I didn’t say she was cute. I said her taut, lithe body dazzled me
[dentist after poking my gums for 30 mins with sharp metal hooks] seeing a little more bleeding here than I would like…
Dom2K 🎅 @Dom_2k
192K Followers 6K Following YouTuber, Twitch streamer, weightlifter, gamer, NBA superfan. Check out my channel! Business email: [email protected]
Jared Weiss @JaredWeissNBA
41K Followers 5K Following Covering the Celtics and NBA for @TheAthleticNBA
Brenda 🔞 @Brenda_H1805
3 Followers 217 Following Nо strings attaсhed adult fun? Let's еxрlorе togethеr!
journee// [jur•nee].. @lifes_a_journee
192 Followers 343 Following no legal advice ⚖️ just vibes • 28 year-old drifter with no apparent skills • i tweet because i’m not hot enough for instagram or cool enough for tik tok
Will Sheeran @wmsheeran
307 Followers 677 Following MD/PhD student @CUAnschutz/@CUBoulder/@CU_MSTP. Washed-up runner, fledgling neuroscientist. he/him
allbasketballnocock @allbballnocock
48 Followers 79 Following
Reeves Wiedeman @reeveswiedeman
7K Followers 993 Following Features Writer / New York magazine Author / Billion Dollar Loser: The Epic Rise and Spectacular Fall of Adam Neumann and WeWork [email protected]
Ann @medley_ann84
147 Followers 3K Following
Mary Fate @mary_smith63326
29 Followers 337 Following
schmoneyman @schmoneyman5
25 Followers 82 Following
WGARAGE SALE @wgaragesale23
406 Followers 796 Following
michael✨ @inluvin3days
40 Followers 162 Following sometimes it’s so lit you’re like wow glad i didn’t kill myself 6 months ago
sean @seanbollins
69 Followers 436 Following
Will @w_p_hale
88 Followers 945 Following
Jack Blasberg @J_Blas24
408 Followers 672 Following Business, analytics, sports, beer... not always in that order | 2022 MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference Co-Lead
Sixtus Sextus (away�.. @TheSixtus
1K Followers 367 Following ~Penance and Leeches, But mostly Penance~ 🐌 🦫 🪱
AB @aarondboyd
546 Followers 533 Following
Caroline @__CDC
84 Followers 425 Following
Jonathan Berger @jabergs
59 Followers 613 Following
Taylah @TaylahBuckaroo
20 Followers 333 Following
Alex @Brazil201
3K Followers 5K Following Alex 31 Contact [email protected] Unapologetic, Narcissist, Self Aware, Self obsessed born and raised New Yorker. You've probably read about me. OG verified
josephneal3000 @JoeNeal3000
177 Followers 1K Following
GameSetMatch @TailToCollect
648 Followers 2K Following
Sten Egil Dahl @StenEgil_Dahl
70 Followers 217 Following
drew @AndrewLummus
248 Followers 413 Following the fourth successive clone of andrew. try to prove me wrong oops u cant bc clones are all the same so how would u know. also i will die before listening to nav
Kym @Kymbwe
20 Followers 267 Following
GO VEGAN OR GO HOME @vganarmy
227 Followers 5K Following
Michael Gorman @michaelgormannn
428 Followers 1K Following
Andy Bailey @AndrewDBailey
51K Followers 934 Following I write about the NBA for Bleacher Report and practice law in the Wild West.
Mike Singer @msinger
34K Followers 1K Following Formerly Denver Post. 2021 Colorado Sportswriter of the Year. Prior: USA TODAY, CBS, CSN. 📍Cleveland, Madison, Chicago, Denver. [email protected] … 🏀
Whitney Yando @whitmckenz
437 Followers 300 Following Mostly on Earth to pet some dogs and take jokes too far. Creative Director @ 72andSunny
Christian Nightmares @ChristnNitemare
115K Followers 4K Following Newsletter, t-shirts, podcast episodes, music, and more in my Linktree ⬇️
Podcasts on Amazon Mu.. @PlayMorePods
95K Followers 198 Following your friendly neighborhood podcast plug putting you on to top shows and @AmazonMusic exclusives 🫶
Matthew Zeitlin @MattZeitlin
56K Followers 3K Following correspondent @heatmap_news matthew at heatmap dot news
james eel. @mentally_eel
437 Followers 789 Following When Marduk sent me to rule the people and to bring help to the country, I established law and justice in the land and promoted the welfare of the people.
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
209K Followers 1K Following
Jason Pargin, author .. @JasonKPargin
59K Followers 1K Following Author of John Dies at the End & the Zoey Ashe series. Former Editor at https://t.co/rPxhhz6fP4, now: https://t.co/rHIoNS0xCv
n i k o l a e s t h e.. @nikolaesthetic
9K Followers 551 Following Jokic Archivist / Agenda Consultant.
Owen's FlickChart @owensflickchart
1K Followers 227 Following Information about my FlickChart. --Owen
Donald Trump @donnaldjjttrump
8K Followers 195 Following
Brad @BGM_22
428 Followers 2K Following Two time social credit score leader for Upper West Side autonomous prefecture. Also: lawyer; VFA-certified movie buff. Society is not collapsing.
yoni rechtman @yrechtman
6K Followers 1K Following digitally native vertical boy | taking things @slow | he/him
noah kulwin @nkulw
102K Followers 4K Following We can make miracles happen every day | writer, reporter and co-host of @blowbackpod | subscribe at https://t.co/pETV2D531N
Katy Winge @katywinge
56K Followers 2K Following Reporter/Host/Analyst @nuggets @altitudetv @altitudeSR. Washed up hooper turned broadcaster. MN ➡️CO Instagram: @katywinge
Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
47K Followers 1K Following Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle.
Statzman @RealStatzman
1K Followers 27 Following Random stats & notes about Denver Nuggets, Denver Broncos and other sports/teams. Worked 7 Summer Olympics, 3 Super Bowls, 2 Stanley Cups.
broti gupta @BrotiGupta
91K Followers 1K Following Simpsons writer Indian women’s humor twitter account https://t.co/5I6PCj7FlM
NBA Stats @sports_mediocre
4K Followers 46 Following Former NBA analytics. I post unique stats + threads + some of my bets. 2024 APBR Team Win Projection Contest Winner
qntm @qntm
16K Followers 3 Following "Lena" (buy the book: https://t.co/Kat1kdckuQ) // There Is No Antimemetics Division (https://t.co/PkR6NYmdCO) // Absurdle // HATETRIS
Zach Dunn @zachbdunn
10K Followers 886 Following writer for What We Do In The Shadows + English Teacher + Fallout
Chris Marlowe @ChrisMarlowe
18K Followers 657 Following The @nuggets play-by-play voice on @AltitudeTV. @NBC Olympics. 5 Hall of Fames. Has Gold Medal.
Ariana Lenarsky @aardvarsk
16K Followers 1K Following Musician/writer/tarot reader (@dreamcitytarot). Nuggets for life.
Harrison Wind @HarrisonWind
40K Followers 780 Following Watching Nikola Jokic and the @nuggets for @DNVR_Sports | @DNVR_Nuggets Podcast, [email protected] | https://t.co/90pXgAxS5U Code: Wind
Earvin Magic Johnson @MagicJohnson
5.3M Followers 223 Following The official Twitter account of Earvin “Magic” Johnson!
Riffs Man @Riffs_Man
12K Followers 3K Following
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz
80K Followers 927 Following Send me your address so I can visit you and explain my passions
Dave King @DaveKingThing
22K Followers 1K Following writer: english teacher•reboot•common side effects•never have i ever•chad•good place•shrill•love•parks&rec•workaholics ••• co-host: great debates
Winter @winterene
4K Followers 4K Following Itinerant computer programmer interested in coffee, Scrabble, fitness, philosophy, and a better world.
がんぼるぞい®�.. @ganbor_zoi
38K Followers 58 Following 🐕Edgar2016.01.23🐈Kuu2019.05.13⭐️がんばる"GANBARU"＋ボルゾイ"Borzoi"＝がんぼるぞい"Do my best"💪🐶✨🇯🇵 Work👉@sunrise_bousai （消防ホースのバッグや雑貨）
Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJensen
150K Followers 2K Following See that she chews her food well, and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right.
しじみ @shijimi_mike
195K Followers 7 Following 行政により殺処分されるところを動物愛護団体に保護され、縁あって今のおうちに来ました。「タッチぽん」は基本左手でします。好きなものは金のワイヤータイ。（🐤 画像や動画の無断転載はご遠慮下さい。Please do not repost without my permission.）YouTubeチャンネルもできました。
Mina Kimes @minakimes
897K Followers 2K Following NFL @ ESPN, crossword enthusiast, taller than you think. Wins are not a QB stat ✌️
time crisis with ezra.. @timecrisis2000
22K Followers 124 Following The Official twiter of Time Crisis w @arze & @dongstreth on @applemusic every 2 wks , saturday 6pm ET / 3pm PT. acct managed by @seinfeld2000 #crisiscrew 4 life
none of my family members laughed when I said “a second helping of mashed potatoes has hit my plate” (a reference to 9/11) so I locked myself in the bathroom for 3 hours
Daily Brain Workout: 2 sets of counting to ten. 2 sets of alphabet. 10 minutes of trying to spell restiront. Then list animals until failure
Luka's deadpan humor is elite @OldManAndThree
ideal movie experience for men: full wraparound screen w immersive sound sitting in the middle of the living room in the dark ideal movie experience for women: custom 8” macbook balanced on the edge of a drinking glass on in the corner w all the lights shining on the screen
My husband ordered a new tv for our family room. Absolutely not. It’s going back. Shit is too large.
when your hardcore band doesnt take off
The little one bit someone too hard and now they’re sending her away like Joe Biden’s dog
Boygenius announces they’re going away “for the foreseeable future.”
that boy 6'8" and slovenian please put a ball in his hand for the love of god
Trump reveals his son Barron is now 6’8. Follow: @AFpost
NYT: Relative to the bullet viewed as a fixed point in space, the Palestinian child appeared to move backward at incredible speed
[sees a teen chewing gum] No need to hog the wad, boy! Mightn't I have a chew??
For every 25 likes this gets, I will keep this suit the exact same size
#Maestro star Carey Mulligan photographed by Austin Hargrave for the Actress #THRRoundtable thr.cm/YDa3xmq
sure, it may seem like it, but dogs don’t actually understand that they have names. they’ve just been programmed to respond a certain way when you make a sound they recognise {hearing my name suddenly } Who Go’s There
Harrison Ford with the chair from ‘SUZUME’ at the #GoldenGlobes See the full winners list: bit.ly/GlobeWins24
Me? No, i'm not in line... Just waiting, my boyfriend's in there... :3 Lol... (twirling hair) We're in love you know (◕‿◕✿) Oh! here he comes (The Grinch bursting out of the porta potty) Wooo!!! Do NOT go in there!!!!
In 2015, two days before Christmas, I woke up feeling some of the worst in my life. Eight years later, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. If you are ever feeling like things are getting out of hand or you are sick of waking up to a grey world, there’s other options.
on Spielberg's birthday thinking about one of his hardest-ever shots
what is your favourite moment from an interview?
the best review of The Curse on rotten tomatoes
i’m sure others have said it but i’ve been dying for an excuse to post the clip
What’s the best movie about men directed by a woman
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