annadawnjacobs @leeannejacobs
socially awkward and almost always offensive South Africa Joined May 2009-
Tweets301
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Followers54
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Following223
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Likes298
However good you think your life is, you’ll never be as happy as I was when I met Hulk Hogan.
My husband just asked me what's for dinner, like he can't pour his own cereal.
Practice self-care like a mummy, wrap your body tightly with a blanket & curse anyone who tries to find you.
men be like, “the last thing i ever want to do is hurt u..................but its still on my list”
men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help carry all their audacity
“if I could play devils advocate for a second” dude just let me talk to the devil himself u are so annoying
“are you free today” tell me what you want & i’ll tell you if i’m free
A no-bullshit piece of advice by @profgalloway
No negativity in 2021 unless it’s Covid or pregnancy tests
Basically America right now 🇺🇸🤦♂️ #USA #whiteprivilege
The biggest scam is studying for 4 years and not getting a job 😅💔🤣
Did you know that wax paper is not the same as parchment paper even though they totally look the same? Did you know one of them CATCHES ON FIRE in the oven? Do you know what my fire alarm sounds like? I can now answer “yes” to all three, as of today.
this January is not Januarying like the other January’s januaried
Congratulations and well done to all the new UCT graduands ❤️❤️❤️
I like men with glasses because once they come off everything is a little blurry and I’m very okay with that
I decided to be the bigger bitch.
Food gives you energy Me after eating:
Men: I just want a woman with a sense of humor. Me: *is funnier than him* Men: Not like that.
Golden Retriever @goldenmeetsx
94 Followers 270 Following This is best community for all kids off golden retrievers lovers.
Sydney Khan @sydney_kha62286
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Kaitlyn Webster @WebsterKai41264
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Kiersten Carter @carter_kie29528
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Tien @bickel_tien65
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Carol @neonakis_carol1
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Mitzi @trotter_mitzi18
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Kane Oconnell @KaneOconne15739
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Mary @mary27click
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Debora @worthington34de
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Maria Reyes @MariaReyes69005
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Eve @eddyeve29
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Hassan Henson @HassanHens74730
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Doris @giller_doris
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Jill @jill30bridges
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Chloe Campbell @ChloeCampb57167
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Jan @sweeney_jan92
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Natalie @natalie_mcphers
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Terrell Ewing @EwingTerre17346
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Cindy @cindy_posada67
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Eileen @eileen_jordan93
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Kyle_vtuber @Kyle_Vtuber
33 Followers 440 Following 2D artist and 3D animation 🎨🖌️ Commission open 👐
Della @ryan53della
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Michele Myers @MicheleMye57984
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Jennifer @jennifer_burwoo
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Roman Scott @RomanScott5527
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Matthias Mclean @matthias_m87684
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Kristin @kristingalindo7
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Michele Campbell @MicheleCam19609
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Yosef Goodwin @goodwin_yo37320
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Jace Conway @conway_jac94544
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Alma @parrigan_alma
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Lethem @lethem14385
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Peggy @alanpeggy11
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Ashton Proctor @AshtonProc66640
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Margaret @margaret_muelle
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Sarah @sarah_beckwith_
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Maria @mariaparker95
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Sho’Nuff @numeri33
8K Followers 7K Following Always chillin’. Bacon is life! AZ Wildcats 4-Life. BTFD from Bill’s Country.
Glenda @glenda99bradfor
251 Followers 3K Following
Dee doubledeamber @deamberdona2t
6K Followers 2K Following some people's profiles are so interesting or funny that they lure you in. Mine isn't one those. https://t.co/iBXkqdjkef
Anna @anna_aron35
155 Followers 3K Following
Cynthia @smithcynthia51
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Lorraine @diaz47lorraine
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OBEY @obeycskh
13 Followers 127 Following
Funny Videos @FunnyVideos80
73 Followers 385 Following
Julius Sharpe @juliussharpe
133K Followers 352 Following Prominent figure in the bald community, creator of two cancelled TV shows, and worst-selling author. Buy my book, “So You’re Going Bald!” at link below.
HuffPost Comedy @HuffPostComedy
171K Followers 2K Following Ranked in the top 3 of HuffPost accounts about comedy. Operated by @iamandymcdonald and @Pontifex.
rob delaney @robdelaney
1.5M Followers 2 Following You can get my new book, A Heart That Works, at the link below.
Sterling Archer @codenameduchess
118K Followers 18 Following Once again, the world's greatest spy. Official character on Archer on FXX.
FoodPorn: The Origina.. @FoodPorn
131K Followers 8K Following Because we all have a little fat guy living inside of us! 🍔 Tweet your #FoodPorn @ me & I'll post it! #CraftBeer enthusiast! 🍺 🇬🇷
Michelle Nader @Michelle_Nader
1K Followers 234 Following If you find a pair of sunglasses, they're mine.
Muggle Hustle @MuggleHustle
23K Followers 227 Following I'm 26. I'm reading the Harry Potter series for the first time. This is where I write my thoughts and reactions. [email protected]
Inner Space @lnnerspaces
3K Followers 366 Following Bringing you the best designs for your Dream Home
The Tonight Show @FallonTonight
4.4M Followers 20K Following Official Home of The Tonight Show Starring @JimmyFallon, #ThatsMyJam & #PASSWORD! Watch #FallonTonight weeknights 11:35/10:35c on @NBC and next day on @Peacock
Darth Vader @DarthVader
398K Followers 5K Following Evil Orphan Ani. Parody / Satire / Fan-Supported. Not Official & Not Affiliated with Disney, Lucasfilm, Star Wars.
Words Porn @wordsporn_
367 Followers 98 Following A collection of all prose that is beautiful and good
South Park @SouthPark
3.6M Followers 247 Following Watch full episodes of South Park for free ⬇ + Order Now: https://t.co/4W42Am8oD1
Algernop Krieger @KriegerSignals
49K Followers 8 Following Did an entire breed of Chilean llamas go extinct two months ago? I'll never tell. Official character on Archer on FXX.
Archer @archerfxx
209K Followers 38 Following FX's animated comedy centers on a suave spy, Sterling Archer, and his misguided cohorts. Stream on Hulu.
Malory Archer @Archer_Malory
24K Followers 9 Following Former director of ISIS (The good one) former CIA agent and now runs a Private investigation firm.
Amy Schumer @amyschumer
4.2M Followers 2K Following 2022 tour dates on sale now! Get tickets here: https://t.co/7eyPdjXFYK
Official Account of M.. @GirlCode
511K Followers 285 Following Your favorite comedians from “Girl Code” and “Guy Code” reunite to weigh in on the year that 2020 has turned in to be. Premiering 9/17 9pm ET on @MTV. #2020Code
Nicole Byer aka peppa.. @nicolebyer
382K Followers 1K Following See me live? Buy my merch?👇🏾click da link Nailed It & Comedians of the World on Netflix listen to my podcasts Why Won’t You Date Me? 90 Day Bae & Best Friends
Jessimae Peluso @JessimaePeluso
214K Followers 895 Following Stand up comic | Podcast Host |💜 Host of #SurvivingParadise & #TattooRedo on @Netflix #AlzTipz 📞Call me: 513-916-0930
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey
229K Followers 1K Following Erotic tales to turn you off and on again.
jim jefferies @jimjefferies
428K Followers 794 Following The 2022 Moist Tour is coming soon to a city near you! Visit https://t.co/0l2kyYDk3Y for more information. || Instagram - @jimjefferies
Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds
21.5M Followers 2K Following owner: @aviationgin - @MintMobile - @maximumeffort - @Wrexham_AFC
The Volatile Mermaid @OhNoSheTwitnt
372K Followers 1K Following ~*Jewish-American Disney Princess*~ @HarlanCoben once compared me to a whiskey sour without the whiskey.
Elizabeth Hackett @LizHackett
87K Followers 2K Following Screenwriter. Redhead. Frequent eater of toast.
Anja Human @AnjaWintour
13K Followers 1K Following I’m just an Afrikaans girl standing in front of a pair of jeans, calling it a jean.
Alias Eleanor @AliasEleanor
25K Followers 15K Following Trying to cut down on adjectives. See also Eleanor's un-Similes @SimileThe - not to mention Eleanor's limericks at @ELimericks
Archer Memes @archermemes
9K Followers 25 Following An unofficial fan page that posts the funniest quotes from Archer.
The Oatmeal @Oatmeal
600K Followers 666 Following I make comics and games. Currently working on an animated series at Netflix.
angelajoycomedy @dailyshittalk_
2K Followers 102 Following The official twitter account for the instagram @wheredidmyvodkago !
elizabeth @Elizasoul80
26K Followers 874 Following I still fit into the anxiety I wore in high school▪️VOTE ▪️From photographer to organizer to gardener and back.
David Thorne @27bslash6
130K Followers 28 Following Thousandaire philanthropist, squirrel whisperer, New York Times bestselling author, and co-inventor of Scrub Daddy - the world's favorite sponge.
James Breakwell, Expl.. @XplodingUnicorn
944K Followers 841 Following Father of daughters. Owner of pigs. Writer of books: https://t.co/V7JWbsTXJ9
🎃💀LesyaBlackBir.. @LesyaBlackBird
2K Followers 735 Following Freelance Artist. Bookworm. INFJ. Comic creator. Fanart of books. Commissions OPEN. professional email: [email protected] 🇲🇩🇺🇦
Dad and Buried @DadandBuried
47K Followers 3K Following I don't hate my kids, I hate parenting them! PRE-ORDER MY BOOK! https://t.co/6fqLgZx00R
Dan Martin @deathbulge
20K Followers 184 Following Deathbulge creator. Recently released a silly RPG video game that is getting a wonderful reception! Check it out here: https://t.co/sMPtKmvbb3
Sparkey Mcsaymyname @MountainRaptor
11K Followers 11K Following I'll figure all of this out later because things change in perpetuum.However good you think your life is, you’ll never be as happy as I was when I met Hulk Hogan.
Practice self-care like a mummy, wrap your body tightly with a blanket & curse anyone who tries to find you.
men be like, “the last thing i ever want to do is hurt u..................but its still on my list”
men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help carry all their audacity
“if I could play devils advocate for a second” dude just let me talk to the devil himself u are so annoying
“are you free today” tell me what you want & i’ll tell you if i’m free
A no-bullshit piece of advice by @profgalloway
No negativity in 2021 unless it’s Covid or pregnancy tests
Basically America right now 🇺🇸🤦♂️ #USA #whiteprivilege
The biggest scam is studying for 4 years and not getting a job 😅💔🤣
Did you know that wax paper is not the same as parchment paper even though they totally look the same? Did you know one of them CATCHES ON FIRE in the oven? Do you know what my fire alarm sounds like? I can now answer “yes” to all three, as of today.
this January is not Januarying like the other January’s januaried
Congratulations and well done to all the new UCT graduands ❤️❤️❤️
I like men with glasses because once they come off everything is a little blurry and I’m very okay with that
Food gives you energy Me after eating:
Men: I just want a woman with a sense of humor. Me: *is funnier than him* Men: Not like that.
I quit snacking now I just have 16-23 sensible meals throughout the day
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