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Tweets2K
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Followers475
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Following1K
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Likes5K
Butch Jones retweeted
[on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?
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Butch Jones retweeted
My lunch today was just fresh vegetables and cottage cheese so my second lunch today was every other piece of food in the house.
Butch Jones retweeted
Me: "Want a banana?" 3yo: "Yes, but don't cut it up. And don't peel it. And don't make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle."
Butch Jones retweeted
Is it true that white girls prefer odd numbers, because they can't even?
Butch Jones retweeted
My dick was in the Guinness World Book of Records, until the librarian kicked me out.
Butch Jones retweeted
I'll have a salad but on top of a burger with cheese "So you want a cheeseburger?" Yes but when you bring it to me say here's your salad
Butch Jones retweeted
Back in my day we had another word for selfie sticks, we called them friends.
Butch Jones retweeted
Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant
Butch Jones retweeted
Dating Tips 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs.
Butch Jones retweeted
Check out the first edition of our podcast. YAH! chirb.it/HzEEt8
Butch Jones retweeted
Wanna get rich? Buy my book, 'How to Get Stupid People on the Internet to Send You $39.95' for only $39.95.
Butch Jones retweeted
It's cool, I'm not really hungry. I ate five beers before I got here
Butch Jones retweeted
Toews gets the goal, but Hossa deserved at least two assists worth of credit for keeping that play alive and getting the puck on net.
Butch Jones retweeted
I have a pretty short attention span, if the first letter doesn't make me laugh I stop reading.
Butch Jones retweeted
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
Butch Jones retweeted
Two periods are in the books, but a BIIIIG goal by Bryan Bickell has us even at 1-1. Shots are 21-14 #Blackhawks. #CHIvsMIN
Butch Jones retweeted
The more accessories that you have hanging from your rearview mirror, the less I'm inclined to trust you with anything important.
Butch Jones retweeted
Snoop's dad sits him down. "Son, when a mizzle & a wizzle love each other he puts his pizzle in her vizzle." "For rizzle?" "For rizzle."
Butch Jones retweeted
We do all realize that this most recent generation will have hashtags on their gravestones, right
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