Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn
_______Sit UBU, sit......good dog____________ NEW Tweets ➡️ https://t.co/VpGo73atvG Favstar / Top 200 ⬇️⬇️⬇️ twitter.com/squirrel74wkgn… Chicago Joined May 2011-
Tweets145K
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Followers18K
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Following4K
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Likes266K
My crazy uncle painted his house with a nail polish brush…took him 7 years.
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[my impression of men wearing “kiss me I’m Irish” shirts] 20s: Doesn’t know where Ireland is 30s: Grow up, bro 40s: Take off that stupid shirt, Carl 50s: Pathetic 60s: Kind of creepy, man 70s+: Adorable
I’m putting on my shark tooth necklace and heading up to Fridays if anyone wants to join me.
If you don’t like the heart I shaved into my chest hair for you…well, then I should probably keep my underwear on.
Chad Read retweeted
stripped of my gym membership for running like Steven Seagal on the treadmill
Chad Read retweeted
Just surprised myself with a handjob. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day so I would have expected me to give myself one tomorrow, but doing it today was a total surprise to myself and let me know that I was doing it because I love me, not just because it’s Feb. 14th. Spontaneity is key!
Chad Read retweeted
Do lumberjacks have to log in at work?
Chad Read retweeted
I like a woman that makes me feel alive, but also lets me know that it might not be for long.
Chad Read retweeted
I told my kid that we celebrate Valentine's Day because it was on this day that Jesus got his first girlfriend and now I have another meeting with his teacher.
Chad Read retweeted
Officers asking me why I’m speeding like they don’t know people fast during Lent.
Chad Read retweeted
Commercials are weird. If someone came into my house and started sniffing my laundry I would have to ask them to leave.
Chad Read retweeted
Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back with rabies
Chad Read retweeted
Is Valentine's Day just way too much pressure for men? GOOD
Chad Read retweeted
i bet if you slipped the Graceland tour guide a $20 they'd let you shoot a tv
Chad Read retweeted
[buying musical Valentine’s Day card] Cashier: That’ll be $30,000
Chad Read retweeted
Sorry deadbeat dads but unknowingly subscribing to your daughter’s Onlyfans doesn’t count as Child Support.
Chad Read retweeted
And MAGAS$HATS - NATO is not a golf club. THERE ARE NO DUES.
Chad Read retweeted
Everyone was always falling down the stairs in the 80s.
Chad Read retweeted
what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if - Anxiety
Chad Read retweeted
I’ve always been attracted to women who are good at grammar. The better she is at grammar, the more hotter she is to me
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Insert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
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Calla 💛💙 & 🖤.. @Survive_thriver
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iFlyHigh™🎄 @travisa420
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iFlyHigh™ 🎄 @travisa850
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amy @aashf0rd
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Wyatt Earp #Christian.. @AccuracyIsFinal
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Here's Johnny D🌞 @venture675
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My Helpful Hints® @MyHelpfulHints_
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Andrew Richard Foy @mycenaean_ca
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I know...right? @90sJarhed
536 Followers 5K Following definitely not normal, sometimes snarky, mostly mr. niceguy. married to the same gal for 27 years #stillbi #bisexual #wheeloftime #expanse #beer #bourbon
margarethe gallersdö.. @smandel_8
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Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
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Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
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Tony P. @Tbone7219
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Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
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Benny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
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Grant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
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Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
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Jack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 1K Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 826 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
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The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
Insert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
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CashewQueso @cashew_queso
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Baby_Doll @babydoll_0948
120 Followers 145 Following Sometimes you need a place to post things so you don’t say things. Pic is AI
ToodleTweet @ToodleTweet
516 Followers 890 Following Twitter newbie and social media rookie. Excuse the mess, but I live here
Lil Miss Snarkey Pant.. @Ris622
3K Followers 5K Following It doesn't matter how much antibacterial soap you use - the shame doesn't scrub off. Lawyer by trade, Batman when summoned.
schadenfreude74 @schadenfreude74
472 Followers 243 Following back here again, yeah yeah, I KNOW 🥍 ⚖️
OhhhEmmmGeee @NoFucksWereGave
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Aliciasuperchick @pink1eighty2
2K Followers 1K Following Welcome to Twitter, where the horny alcoholics come to be salty and brilliant https://t.co/PRXdZAIDGi
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26K Followers 22K Following I am Pavlov's Hashtag dog. Mother of boys, passionate reader, writer, funny fitness fanatic, CPA. Happily married and older than dirt.
Paige @paigeofmylife2
3K Followers 3K Following Please don't tell my boyfriend about this account and please don't tell my husband about my boyfriend.
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Liz Sheendream @JennSmith250481
229 Followers 217 Following I am back . I am a mime whisperer typing away about life .....
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2K Followers 3K Following Stripping my mind and heart naked one tweet at a time. Charismatic promoter of coziness and comfort.
LIFEISAJOURKNEE @LIFEJOURKNEE
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Buck @MrBumToYou
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Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB
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13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
Nathalie with an h @nnnatchos
6K Followers 4K Following Your path may be yours but watch for others along on the trail.
🏳️🌈 Jen �.. @jenneedsasmoke
130 Followers 80 Following A safe place for wanton silliness. #Pride #Ally https://t.co/pDQ9Iusy5Z
Fletch Jr @DonCorlione424
2K Followers 1K Following I always learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice
The Last Unicorn YouK.. @Scorpio1080
13K Followers 5K Following Are You My Home Skillet https://t.co/s6oA4ZAJ37
Cat Gee @CatGee1989
13K Followers 7K Following American Short Tempered 😾 Rabid @ClemsonFB Fan 🐯 #Nurse 👩⚕️ Vinyl Purist.
Vapid Cunt @Vapid_Cunt
777 Followers 639 Following For in my mouth there's a Hurricane. https://t.co/nIveQKHz91
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3K Followers 1K Following you will know when you meet the one you’ve been missing all your life ~llow
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398 Followers 707 Following Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill. (She said confidently.)
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
Neil @njhudelson
658 Followers 3K Following Hoosier. Off-tune whistler. Sentient crab dip. Views are entirely my own, RT ≠ Endorsement, etc. He/him.
shanny baby @icouldbeurrgirl
928 Followers 2K Following RIP 💔 son 11-02-02 - 04/10/21 always in my heart & in my tears. -forever & ever- fighting for peace & struggling to find my place in this world.🏔️❄️🌨️⛷️
Holy cow. That's crazy! 💯🤣
My crazy uncle painted his house with a nail polish brush…took him 7 years.
Who will I imagine having sex with this time? - married sex
@squirrel74wkgn @ddsmidt Is it cool out? Might need my Members only jacket
I just watched like 5 minutes of news in Phoenix, are y’all ok
Not to brag or anything but I can eat 96 homemade peanut butter cookies with fork prints on them
The logistics involved in a potential trip to the Giants home opener is hurting my wine brain.
An awkward boner is just a regular boner wearing sweatpants.
Sometimes I masturbate for the kick ass sandwich I'll make myself afterward.
Wheel of fortune but to determine how much you owe in taxes.
I consider any Tweet I’ve sent without a typo to be successful, if you’re wondering how low I’ve set the bar.
I always carry a picture of my couch on job interviews in case someone asks me where I see myself in five years
Coworker: hey everything ok today? Me, googling alternative jobs for teachers: yeah why do you ask
Goddamn I am so fucking hard on myself. Lighten the fuck up dude. Take a breath. Chill.
I’m going to get a podcast just so I can cast the pod into the fucking sea.
Me: Hi. Your the manager? I'm here to pick up my glasses. Corrective glasses: *You're
Bedtime before 10 on a Friday night, sign me up!
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