That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

I'm here for the pity laughs. Pronouns: Thing/it. x.com/search?q=from%… Plettenberg Bay, South Africa Joined April 2011

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

7 months ago

Those who had perfect attendance throughout their school careers, how did that work out for you? Did you end up ruling the world?

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

12 months ago

The worst part about menopause is having to listen to the hormone about her hormone.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

12 months ago

It's getting to the point where if I hear a beep-beep-beep sound I have the urge to walk backwards.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

12 months ago

I opened the car door for her and she got angry and shouty. Something about 120km/h... I couldn't hear, the wind was making a noise.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

a year ago

Afrikaans for non-Afrikaans speakers: -"Kom bietjie hier." means run away. -"Hey, pel." means you aren't friends. -"Luister nou mooi vir my." means the time for listening is over.

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nay (dino) 🖤🍒 @Lilblack_heart

2 years ago

coffee: because shanking people is heavily frowned upon.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

I was in a well-known shop today when there was a blackout, and it went pitch dark for at least 30 seconds. During this time, someone grabbed me inappropriately and fondled me. It was me, but still, not cool.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

Fuck! Wait, can we start 2024 over? I wasn't ready.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

Oh, Irony you little fucker. I don't drink, 'was in bed by 21h30 and I wake up with what can only be described as a monumental hangover. Anyway, the rest of you, enjoy 2024. Ps: In case I don't make it, I leave my browser history to science.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

What is the sickness called that makes you want to kangaroo kick slow walkers in the kidneys? Because I have that.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

The day we celebrate love is called Valentine's day. The day we celebrate hate is called Tax return day.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

She tells me to remind her to do things, so she can blame me when she forgets.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

9: "Dad, what is your greatest talent?" Me: "I dunno, being a dad, maybe? " 9: "Nope."

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

I think I may be allergic to calories, I'm swelling around my navel.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

Life lesson # 139: No matter how much you love cheese, don't ever lick the cheese grater after use.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

Say your thing and send, it's a voicenote, not a podcast.

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

Random: "What are your hobbies?" Me: "I eat." Random: "Ok, but what do you do when you're not hungry?" Me: "I guess I'll find out if that ever happens."

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That fucking David guy. @davidwilms

2 years ago

There are two types of people: Those who turn the music's volume up and those who turn it down. Unfortunately, they are usually married to each other.