Diana wirkus @Durty83
Fortune cookie writer, Poetry Slam aficionado, Superhero vigilante by night. The Chi Joined March 2011-
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Followers42
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Following69
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It never fails that my kid has an absolute meltdown the second I sit down to eat.
Headed to our first zoo visit! I'm equal parts excited and terrified.
Pretty sure my kid was having flashbacks to the trenches in WWI, judging by how hard he fought us during his haircut this am.
My kid just farted and laughed at himself. I should just feed him some bacon and call it a day. #redbloodederican
I can't decide if my favorite aspect to being a mother is cleaning up a metric fuck ton of poop, or talking about said poop.
Dear god. I feel like I'm in The Hurt Locker every time I try and lay my kid back down in his bassinet. #motherhood
Snoop dog was in town? Must have been for Katy Perry's wedding. - Miles Well, that's not right - Me Oh yeah. Jenny McCarthy. - Miles
Couldn't remember the name of the royal baby. Asked the husband. "Jimmy?" He said.
Watching Hollywood Game Night with my husband and arguing over whether or not Johnny Weir's legs are shaved. #typicalthursday
I don't mind holding the elevator for you. But don't make me rue my decision by pushing the button to floor 2. It's like 10 steps.
Never have I been more happy for a polar vortex descending Chicago. #pregnantgirlproblems
Today my husband asked "What are those little teddy bears in Star Wars?" 2 days before out 1st anniversary and I have to divorce him. *sad*
Omg this is hilarious! @arnettwill: Sorry..been hoarding this for a while.. yfrog.com/h2rptawj
On phone w sis-in-law - "What?! What do you want, Cara? No! No I will not take your clothes off of you!" And then laughs
Think Geek now has Death Star cookie jars! Squee!!!!!
I don't understand? The answer is *clearly* "Roadie Sodie", but there are only 3 spaces. twitpic.com/48gdqi
Holy mount blanc, Batman! My hair is finally long enough to put up with a pen again! Good day, man! Good day, I say!
Oh wait! That's right. Cocoa the Gorilla and I are bff's. She just got a new number! Sneaky monkey.
A number I don't have programmed in my phone just sent me a picture of chocolate covered bananas.
If men had periods they'd be called exclamation points!
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