Momscribe - surviving on coffee @PlaySchoolLife
Sharing things I find humorous about parenting and adulting. SAHM • Wife • Writer. Joined February 2019-
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This cracked me up! 😂
Me to my sister: "Living with my husband is like living with a comedian... he's only funny for the first year" Husband: "every year is like the first year with you" Me: "that's because you've been at sea since we got married..."
@kathy_markovich The experts say if you're feel like you're doing too much, you're are doing it right. Tell your husband he's wrong per a hcp.
.
This apocalypse is so disappointing, I can't find zombies anywhere and no one is roaming the streets with weapons. It's like the movies have been lying to us our whole lives.
My toddler brought me a cup of water... apparently she helped herself to the dogs water dish. Upside: at least it's not the toilet water? 😬🤷🏻♀️
Quiet toddler: not suspicious at all 😒😒😒
my wife knows a fair amount about coronaviruses (she did SARS animal → human path work in 2003). She really likes @zeynep ’s piece on preparation blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/p…
Alternative Headline: 38% of Americans are so fucking stupid they can't tell the difference between a communicable disease and a beer.
Alternative Headline: 38% of Americans are so fucking stupid they can't tell the difference between a communicable disease and a beer.
2ish is crying because he can't find his white car, the one that is currently in his hand which he refuses to look at because he's too upset that he can't find his white car
All these years of hearing about "essential oils" and I'm thinking people are a little over the top about it... no one told me it's all about making potions! I don't want holistic crap but I definitely want a witches brew. #essentialoils
My reading list for Black History Month: (to-read) Well-read Black Girl ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ My-Sister the Serial Killer (to-read) One Crazy Summer ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ Everything's Trash, but That's Okay (to-read) Loving Day ⭐️ ⭐️… instagram.com/p/B8erNRllqdy/…
Lets all #MakeSpaceforWoman #femaleempowerment #STEM
Live your days on the positive side of life in tune with your most treasured values & in each moment you’ll have much to live for - Ralph Marston 🙏Wuhan people motivating each other to hold on be strong #coronarvirues #Motivation #Tuesday #coronoavirus
"Mom. Mom. Mom. I want to tell you something. It won't be about poop."
Me: why are you putting it in apostrophes? Husband: because it says to... ..... 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ #husbandandwife
I feel like I'm living in Groundhog Day where every day is the exact same except there's no getting a perfect day because the tiny people around me keep reacting differently to the same damn things and there's no predicting it so we're going to be stuck in this cycle forever.
I just convinced my 4yo that his hands dry faster if he lays down. 😂🤷🏻♀️ #SorryNotSorry #bedtime
Morgan Wright 💎 @byMorganWright
149K Followers 74K Following Published #author (finally😱😍!), Queen of Hell (duh😜😂), #screenwriter & book cover animator. Debut THE TRAITOR’S GAMBIT coming out sometime this century😁.
Mama Bird @Mamabird1519
2K Followers 1K Following Mostly quotes from my kids because I am too sleep deprived to remember them myself https://t.co/AcWrCAm5x0
Deidre J Owen, Author @deidrejowen
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Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
DadInGeorgia 💙🏳.. @DadInGeorgia
2K Followers 2K Following He/Him. Mid-40s single dad, autism parent, cat guardian. Progressive AF. I love my 👪, ☕️, 🥩, 🍺, 🥃, 🎶, & dad jokes. #nerd #BLM #VoteBlue #GoBucks #GoBrowns
Dzintra - Author @DzintraSullivan
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Sakshi Narula @mssakshinarula
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Carol Beth Anderson (.. @CBethAnderson
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Jew in a Canoe ✡️ @WillieHandler
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That Mom Tho @mom_tho
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RLou72 🇨🇦 @keepitrealmom
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Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues
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Mama Bear of 6 @LadyWho1992
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Doc McMuffins @Cynical_Parent
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Goldfish and Chicken .. @gfishandnuggets
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Rebecca F Kenney @RebeccaFKenney1
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smartass_moms @smartass_moms
8K Followers 3K Following ||MOM🌙|| MARRIED💍|| EMPATH🌿|| COMEDY🍕|| Sarcasm is my love language. New Englander 🐿️
Richard Dean @dad_on_my_feet
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Your Mom @modernmomese
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Jenna #sarcasticmom C.. @Sasparks47
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mykanga sleeping bags @mykangasleepbag
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Ashley @Ashley67424477
102 Followers 5K Following 😜💝 Мy nаmе is Ashlеy!💗 Hеre is my album and mу nakеd piсs!)) Vоte fог me, рlеаse:💓 https://t.co/GsTUHphZOO
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TrishArrowsmithAuthor @author_trish
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Kelly M.B. @BellaBeanz87
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KimberleyTent @kimberleytent
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Lil Wonder @StutiVe90932017
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426 Followers 657 Following Loving Ohio! Join us for family fun...baking, horses, treats, kids experiments...just sharing tips and tricks with you!
Love @FemTheFighter
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bug8543 @Jellybe04451834
64 Followers 254 Following mom of 8 creatures of love,investing there future #INFJ #empath #invert #lovemykids and the love I get from them
G.C. Keenan @GCKeenan1
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Angela | Writer, Free.. @angelavschwabe
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Lauren W @ellekaydubs
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kcpmwr @mawardisini
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Amber Bringman @BringmanAmber
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Mannison Press @MannisonPress
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You Couldn’t Make T.. @makethisupUK
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Global Conferences @conference_2023
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Advocate D @NomadsShaman
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🖤 Just Heather �.. @weedswildflowrs
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Marcy G @BunAndLeggings
51K Followers 2K Following parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
Mama Bird @Mamabird1519
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Sean R. Frazier, ORDE.. @TheCleftonTwain
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Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
DadInGeorgia 💙🏳.. @DadInGeorgia
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Dzintra - Author @DzintraSullivan
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Marissa 💚💛 @michimama75
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Carol Beth Anderson (.. @CBethAnderson
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DevinVandriel @DevinVandriel
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#vss365 (Official Acc.. @vss365official
5K Followers 12 Following Official information account for the #vss365 prompt. A daily word game to feed the creative muse inside all of us. Admins: @LeviKrain
Jenny Lawson @TheBloggess
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Fergus Craig @FergusCraig
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Mia Hopkins @MiaHopkinsxoxo
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Jenn or Jennifer NOT .. @mom_nurse_wife
5K Followers 1K Following mom.. married.. tired AF.. living on coffee and sarcasm.. and no I don’t want a sugar daddy..
que cera sarah 🤷�.. @dooz_er
49K Followers 2K Following mom. buncha kids. just trying to be happy. ❤️ greenest 👀 on twitter. 🤷♀️ forever right. 😊 i won't open your dm 😬
JΞSŦΞR ✪ ΔCŦU�.. @th3j35t3r
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Dr Vancbromycin 🇺�.. @Vancbromycin
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d e s @deskatepierce
865 Followers 916 Following professional homemaker | wearing workout clothes 932 days a week | shitposting on here ☼⋒♥❊ 👻- deskatepierce
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a k t @alyly_tomtom
456 Followers 520 Following
Sadie Anne ⚧🏳️.. @EverlyClaire2
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DK @devinkinman
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Kristi @oh_em_fn_gee
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bipolarmommi @KarenGiannina6
2K Followers 353 Following I hate being bipolar but I also am my best self when I am manic. It's a neverending merry-go round. You can't fuckng escape.
Amy Georges @AmyGeorges3
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Kät. @kitk2tty
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This Covid longhaulin.. @ThisNurseK
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Lou Burns @Life_of_Loula
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mom it like it’s ho.. @kenzie_said
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She Creature @She_Creature17
649 Followers 266 Following Mom💙Mommy💗Mama💜 Chronic overthinker💥Polyamorous💕Pansexual 🌈 food lover 🍩🍔🍟🌮🧋 Slytherin🐍 IG: https://t.co/wvJS4zPcdX
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3K Followers 4K Following #Teacher, #Author of the book, The Joys of Raising Boys: The Good, the Bad, and the Hilarious. Available here: https://t.co/fMEs12w1Nk
MaMaDaDaHaHa @MaMaDaDaHaHa
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Dr Pessimus Prime, ra.. @BigJDubz
18K Followers 2K Following A robot idiot Header by @gotjbenny Avi by @lincnotfound Some twits I dun https://t.co/qaAiMsS2T8
Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa
806 Followers 1K Following Former teacher, current SAHM to two little boys, and wife to a Midwest 9/10.
Karl @gentlemanvet67
614 Followers 9 Following Single dad. US Army Veteran 22yrs. #HereWeGo. Steelers. Mustang fan and VWs. Kid at heart. Über geek. 🇺🇸🇩🇪
Play.at.home Mommy @IMTRYING11
150 Followers 312 Following Mother to four... mostly here to rant about mom life and Pakistani politics 🙄
Hipster Wife🌱 @Hipster_wife_
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Just another Mandy �.. @justamandy
3K Followers 1K Following Always learning. Autism mom. Irreverent wife of a reverend. Keeper of cats. Swearing is my coping mechanism. 💜 Coffee. Books. Wine. Netflix. Sarcasm. Solitude.
𝐑𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐲... @Riley_Cross_
5K Followers 3K Following Self Published Author🖋 Fantasy & Romance PC Gamer 🖥 Anime Lover 👾Ravenclaw Socially awkward food enthusiast🥞 Warning: I make people hungry with food gifs
Jori 🤍🌑💎🔮.. @shapeofmemory
535 Followers 412 Following Mother to Tiny Tyrant,Lord Grumblefuss and Emperor Sweet n’ Spicy. Former Artist. Running off diet peach Snapple and compulsive hand washing.
50 days silver today! 🥳 I am feeling great! I’ve had moments where it hasn’t been the easiest, but I’m pushing through and dedicated to being sober now. #Sober #SoberLiving #Sobriety #NoMoreAlcohol
@honest_trio Bruuh! What about the ultimate defense against stereotyping dolts??
@honest_trio Well aren't you just a pleasant little buttercup. Please stop associating the name Karen with women that behave badly.
@honest_trio This trend of using our given name in a derogatory way seems to be limited to a very narrow part of the globe, and look at you buying into ot like you assume all of himanity is in on your bullying and sick joke. Says a lot. /2/
@honest_trio My name is Karen, and I live in a country where the entire population uses masks regularly for a number of reasons. Yes! Not only do women named Karen wear masks gladly, but we also live in many countries around the world and are of many races. /1/
@honest_trio So what is the ultimate defense against Kendals??? Oh, I know being aware that the whole stereotyping is stupid just like Kendal's tweet. Women named Karen are socially aware and keep their distance, especially from idiots like Kendal
@honest_trio Your tweet is extremely offensive. My name is Karen and I wear a mask in places where they are required. Also Karens are not idiots; we are regular people just like you. We are not a stereotype. Lastly, no touch thermometers are the appropriate device to maintain social distance.
@honest_trio It's a funny sign. You ruin the joke by making a mean crack about Karens. I started masking up in February 2020. Now I hear people like you yammering about "Karens," when you were probably one of the people laughing at those of us who got prepared early.
The author of this book got an $800k advance. Remember folks, if YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN ACHIEVE. (CAPE MAY, Chip Cheek)
@tnwhiskeywoman Writing prompt: unironically use the word trousers 3x in one sentence.
@Rebecca_Gams @TennilleNAllen @redclayscholar @tnwhiskeywoman Right?! Saw that and was baffled🤣
@TennilleNAllen @redclayscholar @tnwhiskeywoman why would you kiss someone’s teeth??
@tnwhiskeywoman Aye if we getting it in and hubby responds with “girl these baffling folds of skin you got!” Im kicking him out. 🤣
@tnwhiskeywoman He got an $800K advance for a book in which he used the word "folds" discussing a woman's vagina in a sex scene. I'm.... Even fanfiction writers abandoned "folds" like a decade ago. Sir.
@tnwhiskeywoman “Baffling folds of skin” 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 Who is putting dial soap up in there omg
@ferrifrigida @menwritewomen I don’t think I’ve ever read of one person having busts, plural. However squeezably bloody they might be.
What exactly do “marzipan breasts” look like??? From God Save the Mark by Donald Westlake @menwritewomen #amreading
literally what part of a breast looks like a goddamn FLOWER #submission (BIRDSONG, Sebastian Faulks)
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