Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

Your mom’s second-favorite place for Taco Bell based humor. Lancaster, PA Joined August 2012

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

2 months ago

If you’re a library but don’t have public restrooms, I hate to break it to you, but you are NOT a library.

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

2 months ago

So glad that Tramp is so busy convincing us he’s not a pedo that he can’t annoy us in his usual way lately.

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

2 months ago

Watching Happy Gilmore 2 was like following Adam Sandler on instagram, just a relentless reminder of who’s no longer alive.

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

2 months ago

Just thinking about how good my spine would feel just one click past taut on that medieval stretching machine

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

2 months ago

I’m worried that one day I’ll be too old to have a mid-life crisis.

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

2 months ago

I know you’ll all hate me for this, but I visually can’t tell Anthony Bourdain and Jeffery Epstein apart.

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

2 months ago

Let’s just make one thing clear. If you, in 2025, still go by Dick instead of Rich, Richard, or Rick… I get to laugh at you.

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If you say “touch grass” as an insult, you should probably touch grass yourself. Don’t be aggressive. Your tone should be “Hey bud, you should probably touch some grass. I’ll come with! We can touch grass together and talk about things.”

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

3 months ago

I don’t have autism, but I will interrupt you mid-sentence to comment on the size of your pores.

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

3 months ago

“I bleed red.” -a Phillies fan

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Kyle Newk @SeamlesslyTango

3 months ago

My ex wife and I always challenged gender roles. Like, at a bar I would order sweet fruity drinks while she would order me around and refuse to go to therapy.